KENT
A fact - there's always something in life that we people cannot afford to break. And in my case, that something is my promise.
One summer, when I was still a kid, I pulled a girl’s hand and told everybody that I will marry her. Yes it’s kind of hilarious how a kid thinks of marrying someone, but today I am making one step closer in making that promise come true.
My body automatically shivered as the cold wind blew... or was it my nervous system breaking down? My heart and my head were both throbbing harder and harder, I almost cannot contain it. I adjusted the knot of my necktie coz I suddenly felt like it’s choking me. Vince, one of my most trusted friends, tapped my shoulder. “Bro, put yourself together. They’re already here” he said calmly, giving a smile with a hint of worry, maybe because of my pale face and sweaty forehead. However, my dearest cruel best friend Charles was looking at my face while I was miserably fighting my nerves. “Bro, you should look at your face! You look like a constipated jellyfish!” Charles said with crimson face as he laughed while capturing the epic scene via Facebook Live. Charles is my childhood best friend, which is not my choice, by the way. My father, his father, and Julie’s father were best friends, so we – as their children, became best friends too since we were ‘fetus’ as Charles always say.
And if you are wondering who’s Julie... well... here she comes.
I signaled the fiddlers to play a romantic music after I told Charles to shut up. I turned around to see the red Volvo arriving at the garden that we set up to be a romantic venue of my wedding proposal. I am now officially the hopeless romantic of the year, planning to propose a wedding to my childhood sweetheart at the age of twenty-one.
Juliet Yvonne McGregor, the love of my life, walked towards us with her dad by her side to guide her, and her assistant and friend Jess who’s capturing the moment with a video camera. Julie was blinded since twelve due to an eye disorder, but her dearness in my heart never changed even a bit. She’s now a beautiful twenty year-old lady.
Our age and Juliet’s condition might be a big issue to her dad, Uncle James, but there was never a certain reason to stop me from marrying his daughter. We both smiled weakly to each other, with Uncle James’ eyes saying ‘Are you sure about this?’ to me, and mine saying ‘I’m so sorry but I am sure about this’ to him.
“What on earth is this again, Mr. Kent Williams? You never fail to surprise me!” Julie said, with her gleaming violet eyes and bright smile that could light up my whole world. Uncle James and Jess stepped aside, joining Vince and Charles to witness my planned proposal to the girl of my life. “Geez... Your hands are cold. Are you alright babe??” She said with ample worry when she felt my hands held hers. She always worries a lot, especially for me. I remember once, when we were at kindergarten... Charles and I had a fight with a group of kids in the neighborhood who were bullying Julie. I am never good at fighting so I got home covered with bruises. As soon as she knew, she rushed at our house and cried and cried out loud. Not a single person could stop her, even I. Many years have passed and I tried not to make her worry again but sometimes... I just can’t. Just like now.
I knelt to the ground after I got the small box from my pocket and opened it, and with a trembling voice (which I cursed), I began to speak, “Babe, we spent our lives together since childhood... and ever since I figured out how to love, the person that all I could think about is you. I have loved you ever since... and I want to love you for the rest of my life.”
“Wtf? So cheesy...” I heard Charles commented and I saw him shivered at the corner of my eyes. He will never get used to it.
Vince, as always, remained quiet, looking at us. I don’t know why he had that sad expression on his face. Jess, who’s in front of the three guys, cannot stop herself from clapping her hands out of joy but still trying to take the video as still as she could. I saw Uncle James smiled a little. He knew me well, and I know behind the hesitation is his trust in me that I will make his daughter happy and I won’t let her suffer, as I am doing as always.
Julie’s eyes were filled of happiness but teary as she waited for me to pop the question. “Juliet Yvonne McGregor... Will you marry me?” I asked at last.
Her tears began to flow. “Y-yes. Yes of course! Yes I will marry you Kent!” She hugged me tight after answering. I waited her to let go before putting the ring on her finger. My head throbbed hard just as when I was trying to get the ring from the crystal box. It throbbed harder and harder every second. I tried to keep myself together, but just as when I was about to put the engagement ring on her finger, I dropped it. My vision blurred and my knees let me down.
Then, with the ring by my side, I found myself lying on the cold grass. And that was the last thing I remembered that night.
*******
Once, in St. Andrew’s hospital...
A twelve year old boy was sitting in front of a pond, crying. He’s holding an old wristwatch his father gave him as a present for his birthday. Angrily, he threw it in the water. Then, someone passed by him and jumped into the pond. He was shocked to see a little girl came out, holding the watch he threw. The little girl held the watch in front of the boy. And her wide smile and twinkling violet eyes put joy in the boy’s sad heart as he took the watch from her hand.
“Kent,” Uncle James’ voice sent my mind back to reality after immersing in thoughts from the past while looking at the pond through the glass window of the hospital lobby. I quickly made a smile before turning to him.
“Hi dad,” I said with my smiling face. I am quite used to call him ‘dad’ now. I missed calling someone dad since my real dad died many years ago. “Why are you here?” I asked, puzzled. He is a former resident neurosurgeon of St. Andrew’s Hospital, but after an incident happened thirteen years ago, he shifted his career from being a neurosurgeon to a pediatrician and moved in a small town miles away from the city. Only on this day, that he returned to this hospital.
“I came as soon as I heard they got the results.” He answered.
“Yeah... Thank God. After one week!” I said. I am pretending to be jolly despite of my worries, but he knew me well to be convinced.
“Let’s go.” His unusual seriousness made me trembling. I didn’t notice that we reached the door of the Neurology Department until I felt myself bump into his back as he stopped in the front door. He looked at me with what-the-fuck-are-you-doing look before opening it. I cursed myself and said good morning to Dr. Lee, the neurosurgeon. He let me sit in front of a luminous whiteboard-like thing with CT scan pictures.
“Did you tell him already?” Dr. Lee asked Uncle James.
“Not yet. It’s better if you’ll be the one to explain it to him.” He just answered. I felt my heart skip a beat, my face stiff, as I eyed Dr. Lee and Uncle James back and forth.
“Okay…” the doctor said. He looked at me and back to the results after letting out a deep breath. WTF? I am starting to think they’re putting suspense in this on purpose!
“Previously, we took X-rays of your head but we haven’t found anything wrong with your sinuses or skull, so we conducted CT scan.” Dr. Lee started. “Kent, these images posted here are of your brain. This is the right part…” he pointed it like a nursery teacher, teaching A for apple, B for ball. “This one is the center…” so on and so forth. He looked at me, serious. “This time, we’ve figured it out.” He looked at the panel and encircled some parts of my brain using the back of his pen. “This… and this… and these two. They’re tumors.” That last word seemed like a lightning that struck me.
“What???! T-tu-tumors?” I can’t hardly say the word. It chokes me. My face turned cold, and my blood seemingly flushed away from my body. This feeling is nostalgic to me. This is exactly what I felt when Uncle James told me over the phone that my father died. And maybe this feeling was the one my dad felt when he figured out he had cerebral cancer.
“I’m sorry to say, but yes. You have brain tumors.” Dr. Lee repeated. “They were small, that’s why we can’t see it in X rays. But these tumors, I’m afraid, are contagious. Not to mention, there are four of them.”
“But don’t worry Kent, we will perform an operation. This guy right here,” Uncle James tapped Dr. Lee’s shoulder. “he’s the best neurologist and neurosurgeon in the country. You’re in good hands, Kent.” he said more like convincing himself, not me. He became a father to me when I lost my parents. My mom died after giving birth to me, and my father, of cerebral cancer when I was just seventeen. He loved me like a true son, and I know this is also a hard trial for him to face.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay. Have faith.” Dr. Lee said. But there are other things on my mind right now – the wedding... and Julie.
“How long is the treatment period?” I asked seriously.
“The procedure, it will only take a day or two. But the whole treatment and recovery period... it will be six months minimum.”
“Six months??!” I exclaimed. Our wedding will be held soon, and I had no time.
“That’s because we need to make sure that there’s no tumor that would appear. Kent, you had a family history of cerebral cancer, remember that. And having brain tumor is not a joke.”
“Do I really need to undergo operation urgently? What about scheduling it three or four months from now?” I estimated the preparation period for the wedding.
Uncle James looked at me, wide eyed. He suddenly snatched my hand and went outside. “Kent! Are you crazy?? Why in the world would you like to do that???” He said out of mixed anger and concern.
“You know why.” I just said, looking straight into his eyes. Then his expression softened.
“No. Don’t sacrifice your health for that.”
I sat on one of the benches in the lobby, looking down, with my elbows helplessly resting on my legs. “Julie told me she would have an eye operation before our wedding.” I confessed the reason why I proposed to his daughter all of a sudden, remembering the moment when Julie told me that.
It was a normal weekend. Julie decided to have a movie marathon in their house, as usual. She may be blind, but she never lost her fond of watching movies -- or more like listening to them. “What’s happening?” Julie asked me, pertaining to what’s happening in the movie.
I stopped munching popcorn. “It’s their wedding day, it is in a garden. The guy is wearing black tux and the bride is wearing a simple cream gown, the bride’s maids are wearing turquoise, and there’s colorful flowers everywhere.” I sipped a drink after describing the scene.
“Oh… what a nice wedding! But… I want you to wear white tux in our wedding day. Promise me that.” Julie said.
“As if you would know…” I chuckled, teasing her.
“Kent!” Julie frowned. I chuckled some more. I also love bullying her, just like when we were kids.
I caressed her face and tucked some strands of her hair at the back of her ear. “I’m just kidding. I’ll do everything as you wish.” I said then kissed her forehead.
“I would undergo operation before that day.” Julie said. My eyes widened, and then looked straight to her eyes. “I want to see that day… I want to see dad as he lets his princess marry the guy who used to bully her when they were kids… I want to see your face as I walk on the isle... I want to see you cry when you say your vow… I want to see what everything looks like. That’s why… I’m taking a chance. I will undergo operation before that day.”
My eyes were fighting back tears as I recalled that time when she said that. My dream is for her to see again – to live again. And that day, I saw that dream coming true. Then this bullshit happened. “That’s why… I proposed to her all of a sudden. Because that’s the only way Julie will undergo operation again. She promised and I promised back. She would definitely keep her promise, I should also keep mine.”
“I won’t agree to that joke!” Uncle James said.
I looked up to him. “Joke??! It’s your daughter’s own happiness that we’re talking about! She lost 8 years of her life! Don’t you want to see her pursue her passion in arts again? Don’t you want to see her enjoy watching movies as she was before? Don’t you want to see her go out and explore? I want her to be happy. I always wanted her to. And you know me. I would do everything for her to be happy… even if it kills me.”
“I damn know that! But what if something happened to you? Do you think she would be happy? When you fainted, she screamed and cried like hell. What do you think she’ll do if you die?”
There’s a silence after that. I can’t look straight into Uncle James’ eyes. He walked to the window and looked outside. “About keeping promises, I already did that to your father before he died in front of me.” He began. I looked at him, waiting for the next words that he would tell me for the first time. “I promised him that I will guide you and take care of you, Kent. And one more thing… you know that I love my daughter and I also want her to be happy. But it is only you who could give that happiness. So, you have to get well. You have to live for her.”
I looked down again after hearing what he said. I don’t know what to do now. My mind is so clouded, filled with thoughts of Julie, the wedding... and dying. Just thinking about her reaction the moment she’d found out my illness kills me. How could I cancel the wedding and hide my illness to her at the same time? It’s impossible. I have to make it the last option to tell her about this. But how could I do that? Surely she would ask. Surely she would know. I ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration. “Dammit” I just whispered to myself.
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