One afternoon, I ended up studying with Clara in the library. It was pretty crowded, clearly a symptom that midterm season was on our doorstep. We were sitting at a small table, facing each other. All around the vast room, other students were studying silently or speaking in hushed tones. I debated whether I should tell her about what I had gotten into. On one hand, there was nothing she could do. On the other hand, maybe there was something she could do? I tried to bring up the subject in a subtle manner when we were both silent and apparently focusing on our respective notes. At least, Clara made it look like she was focusing on her notes, but I knew she was secretly determining the best way to get gossip material out of me. However, I beat her to it, "Hey, Clara, have you heard about some students who make other students write their papers for them?"
"Yeah, why?"
"What do you think of it?"
"Well, this counts as plagiarism, right? And the school policy is tolerance zero, so anyone caught doing it, whether they're the ones who cheated or did the work, will be kicked out of the university. So I think it's better not to risk it at all. Are you going to be sick?"
I guess she said the last part when she noticed me becoming all white and reeling a bit. Plagiarism? I risked another question, "But what if the person doing the work was forced to do it? Would they still get kicked out?"
"I'm not sure about that... Maybe they would go in front of the disciplinary committee and have to explain themselves, but I don't see why in such a case the person would not just report the cheaters in the first place?"
"Maybe they were being blackmailed?"
"Blackmailed? Well... Wait a minute, this is about you, right? What's going on?"
"Nothing, nothing! Just wondering... Oh sorry, I've got to pick up that call, see you!"
"What call?"
I gathered my stuff and left, pretending to be having a conversation on my phone. Clara was fuming at the library table, the cogs turning in her head.
It soon got down to the week of the deadline, and I spent most of my time writing up the papers at the library. It had been a long day and I had skipped all my classes. Every time I thought of taking a break, I was reminded that those thugs wouldn't think twice about ruining my life and Daniel's if they weren't satisfied. I was deep down in my misery when a pair of hands fell on my shoulders from behind me. I let out a manly yelp and turned around on my chair. Manbun was standing there.
"Shh, we're in a library," he whispered with a smirk as he sat on the chair beside me.
"Hey, how's it going?" I greeted him half-heartedly.
"Have you been working on this assignment all day? I thought you'd be done ages ago."
I just shrugged. I tried to seem unconcerned, but he was sitting very close to me and I was afraid he would be able to tell what I was up to just by looking at my file, so I minimized the window. There, gone.
"It's getting late... Will you go eat dinner at some point?" he asked.
I looked back at him to reply, and that's when it hit me... The strangeness in the atmosphere. The lights became dimmer, the air, too dense to breathe properly, too cold and too hot at the same time. The ghost was there.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
I shook my head to make the feeling go. Now was not the time to go crazy. I couldn't wait until this whole story was over so I could start sleeping again.
"Nothing. I'll leave soon, I just need to fix this paragraph..."
He chuckled, leaning over slightly. I thought he was going to get up, but instead he slowly and deliberately put his hand on my thigh. I stared at him in shock. Judging by the amusement I read in his steel blue eyes, he seemed to feel like his hand was just where it should be. He murmured, "Don't push yourself too hard," giving my leg a gentle squeeze before getting up, grinning like he was taunting me to do something. Who knew what went on in that guy's head? I waited a few more minutes to make sure he would be gone, and then I left the library myself.
When I got outside, I kept looking around me, half-expecting Manbun to be lurking around in a dark corner, or the boss and his sidekick to come pouncing on me out of nowhere. I paused on a bridge and leaned on the balustrade. It always gave me a sense of relief, watching the stream of cars below me, the red sky glowing in the distance. I took in a huge breath. The wind suddenly changed direction and my scarf became unwound from my neck. I made a futile gesture to catch it, but it was already being carried away by the strong breeze, like a blue wreath of smoke. I sighed and started walking again.
The due date for the assignment was a Friday. I sent the papers to Mr. Boss and his pal so that they could send them to Daniel with their own email address. They only had to write their name on top of the cover page, which I hoped wouldn't be asking too much. With that done, I felt relief, thinking my troubles were over, although a voice in my mind reminded me that this was just the beginning of even bigger troubles if I ever got caught. The fact was, yes I was scared that Daniel would get in trouble because of the picture. But deep down, what I was even more scared of was that, if he became aware that a rumour was going around, that I actually had feelings for him, and that I was getting in trouble because of it, he'd start keeping his distance from me. Now that I reflected about it with a cool mind, I thought I might have gone too far to protect this thin thread of a relationship I had with Daniel.
When I went to class the following Monday, I sat at my new usual place at the back. I don't know why I bothered coming anymore, I'd just sleep the whole time.
"Are you ready for the biochem exam tomorrow?" asked Clara.
"Hmm hmm."
"You don't even eat lunch with us anymore. Won't you ever tell me what's wrong with you these days?"
"Hmm hmm."
"Was that yes or no?"
I stopped replying and she sighed. Why was she always there? Always hovering around me. Was she some kind of fly and I was covered in honey, and I didn't know? She was getting on my nerves.
At some point, I became aware that class was over, probably when Clara poked me in the ribs. She left without waiting for me. Maybe I had been thinking too loud. I got up and dragged my feet to the door. Daniel was busy putting away some papers in his bag and turning off the computer. I prayed silently that he wouldn't notice me.
"Damian, do you have some time?" I stopped in my tracks, hesitating. At last, I nodded.
"I'd like to talk to you about your assignment." There was no cheerfulness in his tone. I didn't even feel compelled to act surprised. In a way, I must have known this was going to happen. It was just happening way sooner than I had imagined. The blood drained from my face and I froze on the spot.
"Can you come to my office right now?" I nodded again, not trusting my voice.
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