Your Majesty, Please Spare Me This Time

Chapter 4

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It was only a twelve-year-old’s birthday, but each and every visitor was remarkable. They were likely sent by either the empress consort or the empress in the hopes of winning Father’s favor, though he still maintained neutrality and would until he died. As a child, I had no idea about such things. I had merely clapped my hands in joy at the thought that so many people had gathered to celebrate my birthday.

Foolish girl.

I resented the innocent twelve-year-old I had been. I was young, but thinking back on it, I could’ve been a little cleverer and a little more outspoken. At the very least, I should’ve suspected that there was a good reason for great, aging nobles I had never even met to come to Bellua Manor, towing along mountains of gifts for a child.

If I had been even faintly interested in politics, I would’ve realized far sooner that the emperor was a madman. I shouldn’t have just taken pride in Father’s uprightness. I should’ve worried about the side effects of his stiff nature that would rather break than bend.

But I hadn’t. I had thought that a noble’s duty was only to take care of their territory and serve as a moral example. I hadn’t considered the status and responsibility that Father had on his shoulders. I hadn’t realized that, though the Bellua family had no intention of getting mixed up in politics, other nobles or the emperor wouldn’t believe that was the case.

Father had been an honorable man, but I hadn’t known that no one was perfect and without fault. I had put blind faith in him, believing that he would protect our family from danger. I had forgotten that he was only human, and I hadn’t even considered the weight crushing down on his shoulders.

I found Father among the throng of people flooding into the hall. His face was rigid, as if he was irritated by the nobles swarming around him. I held back the tears threatening to flow at the sight of the face I missed, the face that was far younger than it’d been when he had died. His dark brown hair, that of a Bellua, was the same as Lehan’s—deep and warm. It was the color I loved the most.

If Father had stood definitively on the empress’s side during this occasion, would the Bellua family have survived? I shook my head at the silly question. House Bellua had long been the pillar of the central nobles, but Father, as the count, had held onto his neutrality as strongly as his own life. He had been virtuous and upright since birth, so he wouldn’t have changed his mind easily.

The only person I could change in the past was myself. The emperor had been born a cruel beast, and he would go on to become a madman. Father, too, had been born the way he was and would forever be honorable. He would not follow the insane orders of the emperor merely to secure his own safety. So I had to be the one to change. I would protect the Bellua family.

I grabbed the hem of my dress and ran to him.

“Father!”

The first one to spot my silly entrance was Father’s guard, Sir Herman. He poked Father, who was talking to some man whose name I didn’t know, in the back, making him turn to see me.

I coyly nodded at Sir Herman, and though Father’s expression scolded me for interrupting the adults’ conversation, I ignored it and rushed in to hug him.

“Laliette, when you see an adult, greeting them first is the polite thing to do,” Father said sternly.

“Hello.”

I quickly acknowledged the noble who was standing there blankly, then showered Father’s face with kisses.

“Father. Dad. I missed you so much. Are you sick at all? Are you well? You still have dark circles under your eyes. You better quit smoking huer (A variety of herb that was intensely aromatic. It was commonly dried, rolled up in a paper and ignited so it could be smoked).”

I pecked him again.

“I wish you would.”

Even as I spoke, I continued kissing Father’s bristly beard. He seemed a little taken aback by my wild show of affection. Of course he was. I had never been very affectionate.

“You must be very excited about your birthday.”

Father petted my head, his expression a little, or rather, very relaxed. I buried my face in his chest and wiped away the tear that had trickled out. I had always hated the tart smell of my father’s huer, but even that seemed pleasantly fragrant now.

“Father, I hope you live a long life.”

“The young lady seems very attached to you, Count Bellua,” the man said with a smile.

He had been watching us awkwardly, like a statue, as we had stood beside him during our open show of affection. I glanced at him, my forehead creasing. Up close, he seemed familiar. Who was he?

“Happy birthday, Lady Laliette of House Bellua. I’m Louis Baden.”

Only after I heard his name did I remember the man I was acquainted with. Louis Baden had been a loyal dog for the emperor. He had risen to the position of Captain of the Imperial Knights without even having inherited a title, and he had been the one to drag Father and Lehan to prison without explanation.

I hid my clenched fists and pasted on a childlike smile.

Son of a b*tch.

I couldn’t neglect to curse him in my mind.

“Oh, thank you, Sir Baden.”

At this, his face darkened, perplexed. He rubbed his chin slowly.

“How did you know I’m a knight?”

It was a sharp question. He and I had just met for the first time, and he didn’t currently have a weapon on him, so I couldn’t have known that he was a knight. I needed to go back to my room and knuckle my head again, but I merely scolded my mistake internally and feigned innocence.

“Because you’re handsome. All handsome men are knights, aren’t they?” I answered, widening my already round eyes.

A breath of laughter leaked from Louis’ mouth. He didn’t seem offended by a child’s innocent compliment.

“You’re quite cute and pretty, too, my lady.”

“I know,” I said, primly raising my chin intentionally, since I had no desire to be particularly polite to him.

Oh, that was a bit rude.

I turned to look at Father, worried that he would scold me, but the effect of my kisses must have lingered, as he was still smiling.

“Father, I’m hungry.”

“Yes, yes. Let’s start with a meal.”

Father softly patted me on the back and asked Louis to excuse us. But when Father said we would be returning later, the tactless attack dog of the emperor smiled at me.

“Now that you mention it, I’m peckish too. May I accompany you, my lady?”

His question didn’t leave room for rejection. He wasn’t yet an imposing authority figure who controlled a knightly order, but one day, he would become the sword of Laspereich the First. Even Father, who was exacting about people, felt favorably toward him because of his kind looks and affable personality. He must have thought that it would be a piece of cake to win over a child like me.

But I scoffed loud enough for him to hear. Thinking of his past, or rather his future, when he had betrayed Father’s goodwill and led him and Lehan to their deaths under the ridiculous orders of the emperor, I couldn’t help but shake my head.

“I don’t want to.”

Louis’ face darkened a little at my rejection.

Satisfied with having ruined his mood, I added, “I want to eat alone with Father. Please kindly understand, sir.”

I grabbed Father by his collar and urged him along, avoiding Louis’ intent gaze, which was directed at me. Father hadn’t said anything, but he seemed to have noticed that I was avoiding the man. Despite his strict personality, he gave a simple, perfunctory goodbye and left the scene.

“Father.”

“You don’t like him?”

“No, I don’t. Be wary of him. I have a really, really bad feeling about him!”

Father wasn’t one to ignore something just because a child had said it. Of course, he also wasn’t one to heed baseless criticisms. I resolved to take good care of Father and hopped over to the table full of my favorite dishes.

“Wow. Marcel must have gone all out today,” I said.

“Marcel?”

Father’s brows rose.

Oh, was Marcel still just an assistant cook at this point?

Realizing my mistake, I quickly shook my head.

“Oh, no. I mean Chef Berno. Marcel must have peeled the potatoes or something, right?”

I bit my tongue slightly as if I had misspoken and sat at the midpoint of the table. I’d wanted to share a meal with Father since it had been a while, but he left me to socialize with my friends. It probably hadn’t been that long for my father.

Noble young ladies that were my age were chatting in a cluster, and when I appeared, they lit up and waved their hands. I smiled widely at the girl I was most familiar with.

“Long time no see, Tris.”

“Long time? You’re making such a fuss. We hung out just the other day.”

After nagging briefly, she left her seat to approach me. Her curly, blue hair rippled through the air like flowing water, then calmed. As I watched Tris’ gentle, blue hair, I thought of her father.

Tris’ father was Marquess Gorten. He hadn’t been a respected noble like my father, but with his sharp awareness, he had been one of the nobles who had managed to narrowly avoid the emperor’s mad rampage. He had been Father’s long-time friend, one I had been fond of like an uncle. And, disregarding that long friendship, he had coldly and cleanly abandoned my father.