The view out of his room looked off into the backyard and he watched the five people down below mulling around getting things ready for the customary Lavoie-Lee campfire thanksgiving cookout.
He sucked in a breath.
A soft knock on the door interrupted his mindless zoning out.
“Come in.” Sam said.
His door opened a few inches and his dad’s head popped inside.
The long long blonde hair cascaded down in front of him and he smiled gently. His face wrinkled at the corner of his eyes.
“Hi sweetpea.” Xavier said gently, calling him by his nickname.
Sam sighed. “Dad. I am too old for that. I tell you every time.”
Xavier chuckled. He opened the door fully, walked over and plopped down onto Sam’s bed. Making sure to move his hair before he sat down. “You will never be old enough. Did you say hi to Marie?” He asked.
Sam nodded then dragged himself over to his bed to sit down beside him. He leaned over and rested his head on his dads shoulder and sighed.
Xavier reached up and patted his head gently.
“I like the new red. It looks much better than the blue you had last time you were here.”
Sam smirked. “You hated that blue.”
“Yes, you looked like a hooligan.”
“So I looked like myself.” Sam said with good humor.
Xavier chuckled lightly. “Mhmm, yes.” He grabbed Sam’s hand and held it, softly protecting his fingers in his hand.
“So do you want to tell me what's bugging you?” He asked.
Sam sighed, and tears instantly welled up in the corner of his eyes.
“Ah, nothing. It’s okay.”
Xavier sighed. “Hmm, it's okay.”
“My kiddo who never stops talking when he is back home has barely said six sentences since he came home. And went straight to his room?” Jaeson said from the doorway.
“Honey, you told me I could talk to him.” Xavier said in Korean.
Sam smirked. “Ah so this was a gang up was it?” He said. He looked downward so that his bangs would cover his eyes and he could wipe the tears from the corner with his free hand.
His dads watched him.
“I’m fine. Seriously.” He said.
“Mhmm,” Jaeson said.
“I started dating someone a little while ago…”
His dads exchanged a look.
“No it isn’t like that… Or rather that's the problem. For once I don’t want it to be like that. But I messed up. I think I started liking him too much. It’s been mainly physical, I think that's what he feels. But for me. We hang out all the time. It’s Max’s boyfriend's best friend. But I can’t even talk to Max about it because they were struggling and to get them to be honest and talk to each other. I suggested to Evan that we fake date each other. I said feelings didn’t have to get involved. That Max and Leo only had to believe we were dating. So it’s my own damn fault things are like this. I know that. And yet. What should I do? I have really started to like him. Everytime he comes over, I hope it's for something more, and then every minute we hang out together I treasure it. I live for the moments when Max and Leo ask us on a date because it means I get to do the things I really want to do with him like hold his hand, or share a drink. I get to be silly and do cute couple things like I want to. And yet, there is an invisible barrier between us that I helped put up, and I can’t get it back down. He just doesn’t like me like that.
Today… god, today, I messed up, I said what I was really thinking. I asked him to come with me home because his parents went on a vacation for thanksgiving, you should have seen the look on his face. It was like he was ready to run to Antarctica just to get away from me.” Sam sniffled. He didn’t know when he had started crying during his soul breaking but he had. Jaeson had sat down on the other side of him.
“Aww, Baby.Sometimes the hardest things we will ever face in life are not the obstacles created for us, but the ones we create for ourselves.” Xavier said, patting his back softly.
Jaeson smacked his dad on the leg.
“Yah, our son is in love for the first time and his heart is breaking. It’s not time for one of your philosophy fortune cookie, mambo jumbo’s.”
“It’s mumbo jumbo.” Xavier said.
Jaeson glared at him. “English is hard, when it's your first language, even harder when it’s not.”
He turned back to Sam. “Being in love is hard. It doesn’t matter if it's your first time, your one hundredth time, or your only time. Giving your heart to someone else is scary.”
Xavier pat Sam’s back gently. “Your dad is right. The heart is very fragile, but to not try at all would hurt it more.” Xavier patted his leg.
“You don’t need to hide, just come in. I think Sam wouldn’t mind you here right now.” He said.
Sam and Jaeson looked at Xavier. He smiled, his bright blue eyes lighting up. He nodded to the window.
A second later Max crawled through.
“Hi Mr. Lavolie, he turned and bowed. Mr. Lee.”
Jaeson chuckled.
“I told you that putting a covered patio right there was a perfect idea.” Jaeson said in Korean.
Sam smirked. “How is it not surprising?” He asked. He squinted at his parents. “I should have known, you guys knew.”
“Do you think we didn’t know about your late night sleepovers, we could have put the patio anywhere.” Jaeson said.
Xavier laughed. “We absolutely could not, the shade for my perennials was already almost perfect because of the hedge between the houses. The patio went there to keep my flowers alive. Keeping their friendship alive was just a two for one.”
Max chuckled. “Right, the sun is almost too bright on the other side.”
“Oh I didn’t realize we were having a Korean barbeque inside the house, why is everyone up here speaking in another language their auntie doesn’t know on thanksgiving. I would be thankful if all four of my hooligans spoke in english for the rest of the evening until I have had a bit too much to drink, and then I can join in.” Auntie Marie said,
Max laughed. “You started learning at the same time as me. How is your Korean worse than mine?” He asked.
“It's worse than my English.” Jaeson said.
They all started laughing.
Auntie Marie stood there looking very attacked. “Your first language is Chinese, you, you had a head start on Korean.” She said pointing at Max. “It’s an unfair correlation.”
Max stared at her, smiling. “Korean is just as hard to learn as English.” He said.
Jaeson nodded, “Hey why is there a party in Sam’s room and no one told me.” Sarah asked as she walked in.
She noticed Sam’s face and gave him a look. Sam nodded. ‘Later.’ He said in Chinese. Which he knew only Sarah and Max knew. Sarh because she had been learning it for Megan. And he only knew Chinese because of Max. They had both learned each other's languages when Max first moved to Canada when he was ten. He needed help speaking English. And so Sam had thought it would be good to help his friend feel better if he knew some of the words too.
They had learned together. English in exchange for Chinese.
Xavier watched the three of them. “Okay everyone outside now. The barbeque isn’t going to start grilling itself.” He said standing up and shooing everyone out of the room, but he gave Sam a look that said I will find you later.
Sam watched everyone walk out and sighed. He turned around and Max stared at him.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean I knew you were having a hard time. But why didn’t you tell me you started dating Evan just to get Leo and I to hash out our differences?” He asked softly.
Sam sighed and plopped down on his bed next to him.
“Leo was so nervous about you and I. We have such a thick long history it wasn’t something that I knew a timid little mouse like him would just be able to ignore. He needed to feel safe and secure in his decisions and not doubt them because of a thick past that he would have easily misunderstood.” Sam threw himself backward on the bed. It was much nicer than his dorm bed. “Gosh, I miss this thing.”
Max nodded, throwing himself backwards too. “Me too, your bed has always been nice.”
Sam laughed. “See stuff like that. Easily misunderstood by outsiders. It sounds like you are in here every night. I mean yeah as kids lots. But…” Sam groaned. “ Nevermind that. Either way that is just an excuse too. The truth is I saw him and he got on my nerves like a little itch I couldn’t scratch. I started to become so pestered by it I was determined to get rid of it. Only the more I tried to get rid of it. The fonder I grew and I started not being able to think of myself without that annoying little desire to reach out for it. I started liking him then… Or if not full blown liking him, I was already one hundred percent curious. The desire had already started. I think that's why I came up with such a hairbrained Idea. In the end we had nothing to do with you and Leo getting together. It was just an excuse to see Evan more.” Sam said.
Max chuckled. “Well not entirely true, you are not entirely wrong either. In the end Leo and I sorted things out for ourselves, But having to be around each other constantly thanks to you and Evan’s dating did certainly help the barriers to dissolve a lot faster than if I had to do everything myself.” Max said.
“But it's good you started things because you wanted to. That already is a good start. Maybe it's something you need to tell Evan. Maybe he doesn’t know that it’s more than that for you. Maybe hearing it always has been will change his mind. Make him less likely to run away. Maybe right now he feels like you guys started wrong. And anything from that is wrong too. Of course that is just speculation. But talking to him when we get back is a good idea. I think.”
“Boys! Meat!” Sarah yelled at the top of her lungs.
Max laughed.
“Not you guys, You’re not meat. I mean you are… Just come eat!” She yelled.
Max laughed at the same time as Sam.
“She is never not going to be awkward is she?” Max asked.
Sam shook his head, “Nope I am related to her and I can’t get used to half the shit that comes out of her mouth.”
“Let's go eat before she has to yell anything else.” He said.
Max nodded and got up then held out a hand for him. Sam took it and Max pulled him up from his bed easily, he kinda leapt forward in one step then the two of them headed for the stairs together.
“Meat one, reporting for duty.” Max said in good humor.
Sam chuckled, and stood at attention.
“Meat two, reporting the same.” He said.
Sarah looked at them both in disgust and rolled her eyes before turning and walking away ignoring them.
They laughed but both followed her out to the backyard.
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