I don’t know what made them different – those two women at the beach. I didn’t know why I kept obsessing over them and their safety. I wasn’t sure why I even cared. I didn’t know them. I wasn’t sure why their faces kept popping up into my mind.
How it was mostly just one of them…
How I could see her throwing her head back in laughter, delighted by something that was said…
“I need you to grow the plants now. I need them fresh.” Myrus’s words broke me out of my thoughts.
I nodded once and he left the room.
He always left the room. He couldn’t stay and observe, and he knew just how far he needed to go in order to not hinder my abilities.
As her father left, she smiled, bringing me to the containers of dirt, each with the pictures held with clothespins to the side.
It was easiest to grow things in the soil they were accustomed to. Growing something in sand was hard. Rocks were extremely difficult. Potting soil from a store was much easier. Regular dirt from who-knew-where? That was just right in the middle ground. And then, they wouldn’t have to go to a store to make my life easier.
My hands reached into the first container and I closed my eyes, the image of the plant coming into and dominating my mind. As I felt the dirt shift within the container, I felt her hand and arm drape itself over my shoulder as she leaned up against me. I didn’t move a muscle. There was like a chant in my mind as I worked, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of her near me, touching me. The chant told me to work, to grow the plants.
“I like plants too,” she whispered into my ear. She let go of my shoulder, only to stand pressed to my backside, resting her chin on my shoulder, her hands on my back. “They’re green. And most of them smell nice.”
I opened my eyes, knowing the plant was reaching maturity.
“That’s big enough.” She told me, patting my back with a hand. “Next.”
Moving over to the next container, a foot away, I placed my hands inside, feeling the loose dirt between my fingers, a soothing touch, unlike hers. But even as she was glued to me from behind, her arms snaking around to my front as green started to rise around my hand, there was nothing I could bring myself to do or sign.
I wanted to roll my eyes and push her away without any sort of humor, at least a few feet. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted her off of me. I wanted to forget about helping them and growing the plants. I wanted to run.
I hated feeling her breath caress my cheek. It felt gross.
One of the faces of those two women popped into my head. I wasn’t sure why it had been happening all day, but like usual, before long, it dissipated.
“You know, you have a really pretty face, Pet.”
She was staring. I felt it before she’d said the words. Instead of doing nothing this time, I glanced at her. She kept our eyes locked as she took my wrist in hand and pulled me free of the second container, leading me to the next. I looked down at the picture, even though I’d memorized them all yesterday.
Sometimes I got the strange feeling that she thought she liked me. Truly. But she didn’t even know me. Our relationship wasn’t one of that nature. It wasn’t romantic or mature. It wasn’t even a friendship. Boundaries were important. Boundaries that only served one side were not what made an equal relationship.
Me, not being able to say no, while she did as she pleased? It only served her well. Me, being made uncomfortable, while she remained comforted and happy with it all, only served her too. It didn’t matter if I could easily push her off with my own strength when the consequence could be me dying or me getting beat until I was purple and blue. As little as I knew, I knew that this wasn’t an equal and loving relationship.
This was a master and servant relationship, the only boundaries that existed were on me, on how much I could say, on how much I could do on my own. Without any opportunity to say no and make a separate choice.
My only choice was to obey and listen to her and her father.
Midway through the third plant’s growth, I felt her arms wrap tightly around me, her hands curling up over my chest, caressing me. I forced myself to remain focused on the task, and not on her. If I didn’t… I would be shoving her off of me in an instant, probably hard enough to make her fall down.
If I’d been born able to speak, would I be stuck like this? In this kind of moment? In this kind of grossly uncomfortable position? Would I still give in to all of her silent demands no matter how much I dislike it?
Would I talk back?
Would I be able to change their minds on this?
Would they even listen?
Or…
Would I even be in their care?
I moved onto the fourth.
Over half-way done, I told myself. Just finish them and you’ll be done. She might let go then.
And then her hand was in my hair again.
“Your hair is so soft.”
As much as I had a certain fondness for my hair… I now wanted to wash it… or cut it off… because she touched it again. Her fingers were all up in there – they were everywhere. All of my hair was now tainted by her. At least, that was how it felt.
Last one…
I stopped in front of the fifth container, willing the plant to grow slightly faster. This needed to be over ten minutes ago.
And then she was moving away near the end of it. She chose to lean against the wall, studying me, looking me up and down approvingly. I pretended not to notice her gaze.
“You’re such a good boy.”
She started to me again as I stepped back from the final container. She rubbed up and down my arms with her hands for a moment, staring into my eyes. Then my face was there, within her palms. I didn’t make a move, didn’t do anything at all to dissuade or persuade. If I remained entirely neutral, nothing bad would happen to me.
Smiling, she grabbed my hands then, reaching up to kiss me on the cheek.
“You can go to bed now.”
I blinked and then pointed outside, toward the door and the beach.
She turned her eyes to the direction and then looked back at me curiously.
“You want to take a walk?”
I nodded, holding back all of my enthusiasm, feeling the need to leave as fast as possible. I didn’t want to be in the same space, the same cabin, the same room or within earshot of her. I no longer wanted to be anywhere within her reach. Not by eyes or ears or touch.
“Alright.” She brushed my cheek lightly with her fingers. She smiled weirdly again, her eyelids fluttering and her eyes sparkling… or at least they attempted to sparkle. I wasn’t sure what it was she was trying to do. Whatever it was, it was probably not working right when aimed at me.
“Be sure to come back.”
I nodded and left as fast as humanly possible without making it look like I was running, knowing she would scold me about it, asking if I was running away.
But… out.
I needed out.
Now.
...
It seemed distance didn’t bring me far from another problem. I wasn’t near her anymore, but I wasn’t the only one walking along the beach at this time, and as I strode closer, I recognized a figure on the sand, coming my direction.
It was one of them. The two women that were in danger. It was the one that kept popping up into my head more and more. More than her friend had.
And… as I surveyed the beach, I realized there was more than one kind of danger lurking for her. One was a group, leaving their footsteps in the sand, slowly veering her way.
I saw them approaching her, their eyes clinging to her while she completely ignored their existence. Well, ignored probably wasn’t the word for it. She didn’t seem to see much more than the moon reflecting off of the water. She had stopped to look, and look she did. Her mouth had dropped open a bit and there was a sort of happy shimmer in her eyes. I mean, it was pretty, but still… shouldn’t she pay attention to what is around her?
Shifters weren’t invincible.
And it wouldn’t do good to cause problems with humans.
This group headed her way? All humans. That much, I could tell. It was in the way they carried themselves, in the way they walked.
All of them were a problem.
And yet, what good would it do if I helped her? I helped her and then they targeted her and then I was still part of the cause of her demise? What was the point in…
I recalled one of the photos, of her smiling, and I could almost hear her laughter… again. My hands curled into fists at just the thought of losing that kind of presence in the world.
Heck, I didn’t even know her.
Why… why must I feel like this now? To a stranger? All of the other pictures I’d seen, all of their other targets, all the other strangers – and I had never felt this way before. Why now?
Why was I acting as if she were no stranger at all?
Why was I so invested in her smile and wellbeing?
Those questions didn’t have answers, not ones that I could find. But if I really wanted to know… should I just step closer? Should I try to know her?
As they grew closer to her, I got more conflicted. Do I step in? Do I leave it be?
I clenched my teeth as I saw the indecision in her eyes when she noticed their presence. She likely had a strong enough wolf to protect her… but these were humans. Attacking them at the strength of a wolf would be like attacking an unarmed person.
One more step from the men had me jogging closer, almost instinctively.
In fact, I could barely stop myself from going to her side – right to her side. And then staying there.
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