“Hi, I’m Nora. We go to the same school.”
Ryan rolled his eyes inwardly as he listened to his friend practice her line again and again. They had been at Rollies since school closed, none of them even taking the chance to go home and change. All three had marched to the ice cream bar to support Nora on her new adventure, however stupid Ryan thought it was. Of course, he didn’t want to be there, especially not after what he had been doing with the boy in question. And he was this close to telling Nora to shut up and just get on with it, but for his own mental well-being… as well as physical well-being, Ryan kept quiet and listened to her, smiling whenever she met his eyes.
“Gosh guys, I don’t know what to do…” Nora stated, shaking her hands before rubbing them together.
“Aww, look at you,” Ruxie cooed, pouting their lips as they looked at their friend. “I can’t believe you’re actually gonna do this. It’s so cute,” they said in a baby-ish tone that made Nora’s cheeks redden.
“It would be if I wasn’t such a mess,” the black haired girl stated, letting out a sigh and shaking her head as she ate a spoonful of ice cream. “I’m so nervous!”
“Don’t be!” Ruxie exclaimed. They took Nora’s hand in theirs, brought her fair and dainty hands to their lips and pressed little kisses to her knuckles. “You’re gonna walk up there when he comes, tell him your name and ask for his number! And he’s gonna give it you without hesitation because guess what, you’re fine as fuck and he’ll be lucky to have you!” Ruxie stated with conviction. Then they turned to Ryan who had remained silent all that while. “Tell her I’m right, Ry!”
“Huh? What?” he asked, seeming confused as he had not been listening at all. He soon realized what was happening when he saw Nora’s and Ruxie’s clasped hands and when Ruxie nodded towards the backdoor of the ice cream bar which Drew had just come out of.
“Oh! Yeah, you have nothing to worry about,” he said dismissively.
“Ryan, be serious!” Ruxie scolded and he rolled his eyes, sighing.
“I am! I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“Uh, that he rejects me?” Nora all but screamed, glaring at Ryan. “Don’t jinx it!”
Ryan took a deep breath. “Trust me, I’m not. You feel nervous now but when you go to him and say hi, it’s not gonna be as scary as you think. Trust me,” Ryan advised. And though he hated telling her to absolutely go ahead on this adventure, he knew he had to. Nora had talked about this for ages and telling her to not go ahead now would be quite hypocritical of him.
“Trust you? Why, are you and Drew friends now or something? Nora scoffed, her brows raised in curiosity.
Ryan spluttered the smoothie he had been drinking, quickly wiping his lips with a tissue. “No, of course not. I’ve never even spoken to the guy,” he rushed out. “I’m just saying, he’s just a normal person like all of us.”
Nora sighed. “Alright. He’s standing there right now… I’m just gonna do it,” she stated, taking in a deep breath.
As he watched his best friend stand up from their table and walk toward the bar, Ryan’s only wish was for he and Drew to have had more time. He needed more time until Drew was no longer his to look at, until Drew was no longer his to touch, his to kiss… he just needed time. Two weeks of hanging out with the guy he’s wanted for the last two years were not enough. Two weeks of learning how to kiss with Drew had not been nearly enough for Ryan to savour and keep in his memory.
But even then, he still could not tell Nora to not go ahead. And Ryan hated the thoughts he had within him, he hated hoping that Drew would somehow reject Nora right there and then. Ryan loved his best friend, but he wished she liked somebody else. Maybe that way when Drew decided it was time to stop what he and Ryan had, Nora would reject him and he’d come running into Ryan’s arms for comfort.
And for a moment, Ryan shuddered in disgust as those thoughts ran through his mind. How had he become so hateful? So manipulative? That was not who he was. Drew wasn’t even gay. He just happened to kiss Ryan as a way to learn, he was basically just doing all of that for Nora, and while it sucked, Ryan knew he had no right to feel the way he did.
If only his heart could agree.
He let out a sigh as he watched Nora, his heart beating rapidly as he watched her speak to Drew. He didn’t miss the short second where Drew glanced at him with raised brows. He didn’t miss the look of betrayal and confusion in Drew’s eyes when the boy looked away from him. Drew knew the truth now, Ryan realized. And he knew that Drew was definitely thinking about how Ryan had purposely omitted the fact that his attracted to Nora was mutual. Ryan couldn’t help the guilt that ate at him from within. He really hadn’t expected things to take a turn like this. Deep down, the blond boy was aware that it could happen, but he never thought it would happen so soon.
"So, do you think he's into her?" Ruxie questioned, the sound of the voice so close that Ryan jumped at how sudden it was.
"How the fuck would I know?" he snapped.
"Whoa what the fuck? whats gotten into you?"
Ryan had not meant to snap at his friend like that, but he’d be a damn liar if he didn’t admit how angry and annoyed he was. Not at Ruxie, but at himself and his situation.
“Nothing, I'm sorry Ru. I didn't mean to snap at you like that," he apologized to them.
“Are you okay though?” Ruxie asked softly.
Ryan bit his lip as he glanced at them, noting the curious look in Ruxie’s eyes. His heart clenched, and he felt his eyes sting with tears. Everything in him wanted to break down and cry. He wanted to tell Ruxie everything. He wanted to tell them all about his massive crush on Drew and how he and Drew had spent the better part of the last two weeks together. But he knew he couldn’t… not when he was opening himself up to be judged by someone he cared about. Not when Nora would find out and hate him for only wanting to feel loved.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he whispered, nodding to reaffirm his words. Ruxie accepted his words as truth and they both turned back to see Nora coming to their table with a solemn expression.
“What happened?” Ruxie asked.
Nora let out a breath as she sighed. "Well, I did ask him out but he said he's really busy this week and will let me know when he has some time."
“Did you at least get his number?”
Nora shook her head, pursing her lips. “No… it was weird, honestly. I really thought he did like me but I got a weird feeling… I don’t know-”
"I need to go to the bathroom," Ryan interjected, his voice loud enough to get both Nora and Ruxie’s attention, as well as the table next to them. He didn’t wait for a response and quickly left his friends, rushing to the bathroom as his heart pounded in his chest. What the heck did she mean by ‘it was weird’? Ryan quickly rushed to the sink to splash his face with water. This was definitely not how he had expected things to turn out. He thought Drew would jump at the opportunity to go out with Nora the moment she opened her mouth.
Why did he reject her?
“You knew.” There was no doubt about who that voice belonged to. Ryan instantly turned around to see Drew closing the bathroom door and locking it behind him, all while staring at him.
“What did you say to her?” Ryan questioned immediately, not even realizing how cold he sounded toward the boy he had kissed that morning. All he cared about, was knowing the exact words Drew had said to his friend, and whether their arrangement had come to its end. But when Drew stalked toward him, his brown eyes never breaking the hold they had on Ryan’s blue eyes, the blond boy had to take a step back, and another, until he found himself with his back against the wall and his body caged between Drew’s arms.
“You knew.”
Ryan gulped, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and heart pounding twice as loud as he stared into Drew’s darkening gaze. “What- what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that you knew your best friend liked me, and kept it from me,” Drew stated slowly, his tone getting loud with each word. “Why the fuck did you not tell me?”
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