For as long as I could remember, Garak had tortured me with the thought of choosing me at the Coming of Age Ceremony. A year older than I was, he was the kind of person you didn’t want to be caught by in a dark alley. He had that kind of reputation, and his poor mother despaired over it. Last year, he had gone through the line, as he was now, teasing women into thinking he would pick them. I could feel a cold prickling starting on my skin. My muscles were tensing as I tried not to make it obvious that I was looking his way.
He was coming closer, and I wanted to run. My heart was surging inside of me, painfully thump thumping hard and fast in my chest. A fog was developing at the edges of my vision, tunneling toward Garak coming my way. Nervously, I clutched at my skirts and then released them, attempting to discreetly wipe the sweat away. I wanted to scream, faint, or cry. But if I did, I would shame my family, be removed, and would be waiting another year, another lifetime, to be chosen.
And there was Julius, right behind him, and his eyes were on me. He was closer now, only four men away, but between us was Garak. And now Garak saw me. Ignoring the women between us, he fixed me with his hungry eyes. I was panicked, so I stared at Julius, willing him in front of Garak, only one place in front of him, and it didn’t work.
Garak grabbed my hand, Julius took my other hand, and everyone stared.
The two men glared at one another, jawlines standing out rigidly. The procession came to a standstill. And here came an Elder.
“Gentlemen, if no one will back down, you know what will take place.”
“The Joust, of course.” Julius’ firm voice was quiet, sending a chill of recognition through me. His unshaken determination was evident on his face, and the sound of his familiar timbre, so much more mature and attractive now, sent a flush into my face.
My eyes darted to Garak. Please give up. Please give up, I whispered in my mind.
Releasing my hand, Garak nodded. “Of course!” He looked around with a smile, taking in the attention and shock on many of the faces around him. He didn’t look at me, though.
“Then, we will proceed with the plans for the competition as soon as the ceremony is over,” said the Elder, motioning two older men over to escort the young men away and two more to escort me to a different tent at the other end of the arena.
I looked back over my shoulder toward Julius’ fading figure, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. The two older gentlemen smiled kindly at me and gently motioned me inside the tent, standing guard right outside the closed, yellow flaps.
This tent had been mostly for show, but as I glanced around, I saw that it was furnished with a vanity mirror, makeup, and pillows. Seeing the large, red pillows in one corner, I lowered myself into them and allowed the tears to come.
Titrus came out of my hair and nuzzled me. It will be okay.
“No,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose to try to stop the tingly sensation from spreading painfully inside. “This is bad.”
Shhh… Titrus told me, suddenly.
I calmed down enough to listen. The guards were speaking outside the tent, and they must not have realized that I could hear them.
“This hasn’t happened in twenty years,” one of them murmured, quietly.
“Yes, I always viewed this tent as a tradition all these years, never to be used. Isn’t it strange?”
“I don’t think so. It wouldn’t be with a girl like her. I’d fight for her, you know.”
“Now, Shoa, you’re too old for that. You know we’ve always had men like Garak come along, and I wouldn’t wish that young girl to go to someone like him. I’m rooting for the other one.”
“You’re right. This is serious. I’m just hoping that our Elders can be tactful about the Joust. These boys know the consequences. The winner gets the girl, and the loser cannot participate in the ceremonies ever again.”
I heard a sharp gasp, and I scooted closer to the tent doorway. “When did the Elders make that law?”
“Twenty years ago, when the last Joust took place. Where were you, Coran?”
“Shoa, you know my age is getting to me. I may have slept since then. Do you recall why they made the law?”
The guard’s voice lowered to almost an inaudible whisper. “Because the same thing that’s happening today, happened then. But the loser was someone like Garak, and the next year, he was still so furious at his humiliation that he chose a woman, took her home, and almost killed her.”
There was a hush that seemed to last forever as footsteps passed by and left.
“What did they do to him?” Coran asked intently.
“They exiled him,” Shoa whispered. “Nothing was ever heard of him again. And the situation never arose again until now. But I’m not surprised it’s Garak doing it. Not really.” Another pause. “Garak is the result of that Joust.”
Garak? Born of violence? This was the first I’d heard of that. It must have been so shameful for the town, no one ever spoke of it. Not even Garak’s mother let on that her past involved such a brutal event. I flushed in embarrassment and shame at listening in on such a personal conversation involving people I knew, but as the information soaked in, I realized that it was important to know.
“I’m foggy when it comes to protocol, Shoa.” A pause. “If they’ve changed the rules, what’s going to happen next?”
“The Elders have a list of challenges that three are to be chosen from. The only ones that I remember are Strength and Courage, and I know Courage won’t be chosen because the qualification was for a Need. You remember what that was in the old trials, right?”
“Hmm…” Another pause. “You know, I think I do remember that. Wasn’t it only chosen if a menace was in the land?”
There was a chuckle and then, “Menace. You and your understatements. But yes, if there was a man-eating lion running around or a loose, rutting bull, they were sent out to cleverly subdue it.” Another chuckle. “Menace. I think they were probably more than just a menace to be chosen for Courage.”
“Like a pack of rabid tapeworms?”
There was mutual laughter as the two friends shared a personal joke.
“Coran, you old coot. Didn’t you say this was serious?”
There was a chuckle and then silence.
I went back to the pillows and lay there with Titrus. Thinking about what was said, I asked, “What do you think is going to happen?”
Titrus nuzzled me and murmured softly, I don’t know what will happen, but Julius isn’t going to let that man win. He paused, knowingly. Didn’t you see how he looked at you?
“Yes, my love, I did.”
Then, what are you afraid of? Everything will be all right!
“Garak,” I croaked, shivering despite the warmth inside the tent. “He’s cruel, Titrus. Beyond cruel. If he wins, I know what my life will be like every day until I die.”
He will not win, my sweet. Julius is here, and nothing will keep him from you.
Titrus snuggled closer, breathing his pine-scented breath over me. He knew this always comforted me in stressful times, and it worked wonders on me now, clearing my mind and helping me to concentrate on the present situation.
Couldn’t you just refuse to marry Garak? Titrus asked.
“Not when there is a Joust involved, Titrus. It just isn’t done.”
I sighed a bit gustily. These traditions were so important to our people that they were performed exactly the same in every town across the land. Even the king’s court had a Courtship Ceremony that echoed ours exactly. I heard that it was a bit more elaborate than what we had, but the rules were the same.
“Do you mind if I send Julius my love?”
Of course not, Titrus said, going limp in my arms.
Closing my eyes, I lay my forehead against the golem’s body like I’d done many times before since receiving him. I tried to calm my mind as my emotions raced, attempting to compose them like music, arranging them so the message could be understood. Titrus was right there with me, helping me pick them apart so it wasn’t a jumbled mess in my mind.
Each emotion was like colored strings, weaving together with beads that sang each note. My fear was an undertone of red laced with black, deep notes that shook me though I tried to push them away to give the golden joy of seeing Julius room to sing in my message. I had to let him know that I supported him and loved him though I couldn’t do it in person. That love sang blue and serene, steady and true, as my heart swelled for him.
I wanted so badly to just tell him that I loved him. I wanted to cry in his arms. I wanted this Joust to be over so I could be safe in his embrace.
I couldn’t help it. My concentration broke as I lost control of my emotions, and my connection to Titrus failed. Holding back a sob, hopelessness choked me with its cold fingers and made it impossible to breathe, see, or to even think. All I felt was the pain and despair grinding my heart to dust.
What’s wrong with me? I thought. This isn’t me! I felt so out of control all of a sudden, a cold sweat chilling my skin.
Through it all, Titrus was there, leaning against me and nuzzling me to absorb the brunt of the emotional breakdown as I silently shook with tears burning down my cheeks. When it was over, I was numb. It felt like every nerve in my body was on fire; so much so that it had burned my senses away.
By the time I’d gotten control of my tears, a maidservant named Yaniya brought a towel, glass, and pitcher of cold water. She glanced at me the whole time she set up the table next to the vanity. Two more maidservants brought in a selection of dresses and hung them on a pole beside the entrance to the back room of the tent. After they left, Yaniya fussed over details, continuing her inspection of me.
As she turned to leave, she inclined her head and stated, “Dinner is in an hour, milady. The Elders request you to dine with them and to be respectable for the choosing of the Challenges. Would my lady require my assistance?”
I wiped the crust off of my tear-stained cheeks and shook my head, unable to look her in the eyes. I felt ashamed of my appearance and that I couldn’t bring a simple “thank you” to my lips. My voice still refused to cooperate.
Yaniya inclined her head again and departed without a backward glance.
Titrus crawled from the folds of my gown he had been hiding in and into my arms. Clutching him to my chest, I rose to inspect the dresses. There were gowns ranging from white all the way to the richest violet imaginable. All of them were beautiful, with pastel selections mixed in with the bold colors as well. The reds were deep, the blues left afterimages, and there were even selections of buttercup yellow, which were rare in this part of the country.
“Purple would be best…” I muttered half to myself. “…to show my respect for the Elders.”
Good, my dear. Now you’re thinking, Titrus cooed into my mind.
“A good impression will be important,” I told him, taking down the dress and unhooking the two separate pieces. I also nabbed a towel and wet it to take with me. I slid into the back changing room and lay them onto a tall chair with Titrus. Removing my own dress, I hung it onto a pole and used the towel to dab the salt from my face and the slight sheen of sweat from my body. At this point, I was grateful for the makeup and perfumes I’d see on the table.
I took the lower piece of the outfit and wrapped it around my waist, pinning the jeweled shell at my hip. A shimmering yellow tassel hung heavily down to my calf, ending in another heavy shell like the first that had a tiny, shiny braided rope that clipped to the dress to keep it from swinging and breaking anything fragile. I wrapped the second piece of the dress skillfully under my arms and fastened it without a visible seam. A third, smaller jeweled shell was attached above my exposed bellybutton and dangled down to cover it.
Coming out of the back room, I laid the towel and my own dress into a laundry hamper and turned forlornly toward the vanity and mirror.
You’re quiet, Titrus commented.
Startled, I paused as I placed Titrus on the table and proceeded to take down my hair and toss the ribbons in front of the mirror.
“I guess I’m just starting to become anxious about time. I want to be fully ready when they come for me.” But was that really all? I couldn’t help but dwell on the painful crying I’d engaged in earlier. “I’m worried about my reaction to all of this. That wasn’t me.”
I looked back at myself in the mirror as I brushed my long, dark hair, noting the redness around my hazel eyes and the paleness of my lips.
Titrus stood very quietly for a moment as I piled half of my hair up into the golden combs that came with the dress. As I began braiding one of the locks that came down behind my left ear and inserted gold and purple beads, he said, I’m not sure what’s happening either, Naylin. That was more intense than anything I’ve ever felt from you before.
Not knowing what to say, I did my best to still a shaking hand as I painted my eyelids with a bold purple that faded into gold and outlined my eyes with a thin line of black, as well. I pursed my lips a few times to get the blood flowing again, bringing out the natural color of light pink roses. It went well with the dark colors, so I didn’t change it.
Beautiful… Titrus murmured from the table beside me. Where will I ride?
Looking at myself, my eyes furrowed slightly. I checked myself for places that could hide him easily but found none.
“How small can you shrink?”
As small as a fingernail, I know for sure. Julius and I never tried for a smaller size.
I nodded and waited for him, checking the back of the shell from my belly. There was enough room for him to sit comfortably inside of it without being seen, so I scooped him up. Carefully, I reattached the shell, painstakingly making sure there was no way for it to fall off. Then, I sat, waiting for the maid and guards to decide it was time for me to go.
There wasn’t long to wait.
A knock sounded from the wooden post on one side of the tent doorway, and a muffled voice, which sounded like the guard named Coran, came through to me.
“Milady, the maid is here. Are you ready?”
I stood and straightened the bottom of my dress, feeling my heart pound heavily in my chest.
Calm, love…calmer than this, I heard Titrus in my mind, helping me to find a little peace in the turmoil. Cool, dry grass…Cool, dry grass… he repeated. Thinking of that brought my heart rate down and calmed the flush on my cheeks.
“I’m ready,” I told those at the entrance of the tent, slowly walking toward them. The guards opened the two flaps of the door and stood aside, leaving the way clear to the maid who waited there for me.
I watched the three of them cautiously and saw the approval in Yaniya’s eyes. The two guards wore carefully masked expressions, but I could see them gaze upon me with appreciation in their eyes as well. I carefully lowered my gaze to the ground in respect and stopped before the maidservant.
“This way, milady,” she insisted, and the four of us proceeded toward the new tent that had been erected. No more maidens were in the arena. Instead, a crowd of people had formed out of curiosity to watch the happenings and to witness the decisions of the Elders.
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