The hard features smooth out, replaced by confusion and disbelief. Up close, I notice his pierced ears. Two on the right, three on the left. At the moment, though, he only wears two silver creoles. And he has grown! By now he is taller than me.
It's hard to look into his eyes. They are honey brown, dreamy, calculating, warm. Unintentionally they make me remember. Of a time when those innocent eyes flooded my little world with light.
A feeling arises in my heart. Wistfulness.
Because it also makes me think of what I had to leave behind back then, without being given a choice. Instead, I was required to buckle down and function.
Suck it up. There's no time for that now!
Three seconds. I allow myself three seconds to hope he will forgive me, and then I bury it all deep down inside my heart.
"We have to go," I say.
"Huh?" Confused, his brows draw together. "Why?"
Sirens wail in the background. They're getting closer.
With both hands, I grab his shoulders. "I need to know. Do you feel different, fatigued, dull, easily provoked? Or are you suffering from headaches, dizziness?"
"What are you getting at?" he asks irritated.
"Please answer me."
"No."
"And dreams? Strange, disconnected dreams that nonetheless feel real?"
Even though it's only for a split second, I notice his eyes narrow at this question.
"No!" Sam denies as he slaps my hands away. "Why do you even care?"
"Are you a Subject?", I ask him directly.
Sam grunts. "Oh, is that what this is about? Do they think I'm one of those ..." His voice falters. He seems to consciously restrain himself from saying it out loud.
Monster, my thoughts complete his sentence.
A really fitting word for someone like me.
"I just want to find my dad," Sam mutters suddenly, deflated.
"We will," I promise without thinking. "But first we have to leave."
"That's the second time you've said that. Why?"
If NOS were to find him with me, they wouldn't just let Sam go. They would demand answers and, if there was any doubt, they would kill him. But escaping without him is out of the question for me. I have no idea what these guys were actually doing here and if they would come back should Sam's father not offer them any useful information.
"You're in danger," I finally reply.
"What are you talking about? And why are you here? Why now?" His voice sounds so agitated that I wonder how he can even manage to get a word out.
"Would you believe me if I told you I heard you?"
"What?"
"I heard your voice." A pause. "Crazy, huh?"
"You're not crazy," Sam denies.
A warm shiver comes over me.
You're a freak!
A freak and crazy!
Tobias is crazy, Tobias is crazy -,
joyful voices from my past sing in harmony. They cut deep, carving into my skin and leaving invisible scars. I remember well how Sam snitched on my classmates the next morning and they had to do punishment work for a week because of him.
"We should go," I say.
"But -"
"NOS could show up at any moment," I throw reality at his feet. "It would be better if we were gone by then."
"I don't understand," Sam replies, overwhelmed. "Only a few minutes ago, everything was fine. Until those guys showed up asking those weird questions. And n -" Sam starts and before he can get lost in his flow of words, I cut him off.
"We don't have time for this."
"I -"
His inner turmoil is killing me. I don't like the sight of him, even less because there's nothing I can do about it. I feel responsible. At the same time, I'm so incredibly angry. If I had control over my ability, it would have been easy to fool the two strangers and pull the trigger -
Could you really have done that? Kill a human being in front of him?
I freeze.
No!
Not now!
I need to stay focused and keep Sam safe. That's my priority. Everything else can wait.
"Don't worry," I try to reassure Sam. "We'll find your father."
He grimaces unhappily. "How can you be so sure?"
"Your dad worked with your mom, right?"
"Right," Sam agrees.
"These guys are looking for something so I don't think they'll hurt your dad."
At least as long as they think he's useful, I add the gruesome sentence in my head.
Sam sighs. "You don't have to do this."
"What do you mean?"
"Wrap me in a ball of cotton wool. I realize they won't hesitate to hurt my dad and will probably look for me to use as leverage."
"I'm sorry," I say, feeling shabby.
"What are you apologizing for?"
For everything.
"We should hurry," I ignore his question and hold my hand out to him. "Do you trust me?"
Sam hesitates and I think something shatters inside me. I watch as, without a word, he turns away from me and hurries up the stairs. Petrified, I stop. What did I actually expect? It was I who left him. And now I reappear and disrupt his life.
I step into the hallway and notice a red glow of light shimmering in through the small frosted glass window next to the door frame. Cautiously, I open the front door just a crack. Parked in front of the driveway are several SUVs with NOS written on them. Seven men stand in a semicircle in front of a car. Inwardly, I utter a curse. I am aware that my institution reacts swiftly and is on high alert, especially for a Renegade. Still, it amazes me that they were able to locate me so quickly. Someone must have helped them. My first thought drifts to my team members. Isaac was burning with anger and disappointment when I turned my back on him. Yet ... He would never betray me.
A step creaks behind me. Wearing a hoodie and jeans, Sam comes to my side. Over one shoulder he carries a backpack. Startled, he draws in a breath when he sees the red lights.
"Why is NOS here?" he asks.
"I'll explain later," I promise while holding out my hand to him again. "We have to run. No matter what happens, don't let go of my hand."
He nods.
"I'll count to three, okay?"
Another nod.
Deep down, I have the urge to say something else to him. Something uplifting, encouraging, but the pain on my wrist stifles all ideas. I clench my teeth hard and concentrate solely on my breathing. In the wall mirror, I can witness our bodies gradually fading.
"One ... two ... three!"
And then we start running. Breathless, we sprint down the street. The night air is heavy in my lungs. It smells like rain.
As soon as we leave the house behind, I start counting the rows of trees to keep my mind busy.
When I get to twenty-six, I pull Sam into a side alley. My wrist is on fire, cutting off my air like a shoelace. I take a deep breath, trying to release the pressure that has bunched into a tight knot in my chest.
Not even an hour ago, everything felt different. Less threatening and hopeless. To find myself in this situation is beyond my imagination.
My fingers tighten around Sam's hand.
Drones fly through the air, taking aim at every tiny movement. Now and then they are accompanied by patrolling police cars. From a megaphone, words reach out to civilians. NOS is here and is looking for a Subject. There is no reason to panic. Surprisingly, no names are mentioned or a profile description. Could it be and they aren't looking for me, but for the Subject from the news?
It doesn't matter, my head decides.
Until that moment, I didn't know that NOS had taught me a valuable lesson. No matter what situation you are up against, you have to keep going.
Suddenly everything blurs and I bite my lip to keep from crying out as I run. I feel a pang of foreboding as I watch my hand slowly reappear before my eyes.
"Are you okay?" Sam asks, sounding concerned.
Without a word, I tug him along.
According to the signs, north of us is the highway. There is a train station nearby that should be empty at this hour.
The stinging on my arm gets worse. Again, a wave of heat races through my body. My vision now blurs for good, causing me to tip sideways. It's only after Sam's worried face appears in front of mine that I realize I've lost control. Without giving me a chance to say anything, Sam's arms wrap around my waist and pull me up.
"Come on," he growls in my ear. His hair brushes my cheek. "I thought you said we had to hurry. So move."
I pause. There are footsteps behind me. When I turn around, however, I'm met by a completely empty street. The houses next to us are dark and it is unusually quiet in other areas as well. The footsteps I heard a moment ago are gone.
"What now?" urges Sam.
"There's someone here."
"All the more reason to hurry."
A smile curls my lips as he grabs my hand and pulls me with him. He hasn't changed a bit. Still as demanding as ever.
Suddenly a shot cuts through the air. A second bullet hits the wall to our left.
"Tobias!" Sam warns.
Alerted by his exclamation, I turn around. Too late. Another shot echoes through the walls and an explosive pain on my shoulder makes me yelp. With shaky fingers, I grab the syringe and pull it out. This shouldn't have happened. The serum in the cylinder is highly effective for Subjects. It paralyzes us, makes us docile.
"Tobias Young!" a woman's voice calls out. NOS employees line up. Only a few steps away from us. Their muzzles are pointed at me. One hand finds Sam's, the other grips my pistol.
"On behalf of NOS -"
"Save it. I'm quite familiar with the regulations," I interrupt the woman.
A cold-hearted smile twitches at the corners of her mouth. "That makes it a lot easier."
Her finger comes dangerously close to the trigger.
"Ty?"
"Run," I whisper. "Don't stop!" I shout louder, roughly shoving Sam off me. Then I stand up and deal with the muscleman standing to the woman's right first. I grab him and pull him forward so I can ram my shin into his stomach. Before his partner can respond, I'm already on him and knock him out. In the corner of my eye, I see Sam standing rooted to the spot. That idiot!
"For crying out loud, run!"
A shot crack somewhere. The bullet misses my ear by a hair's breadth, giving me the opportunity to knock the shooter off his feet. The woman remains. This one has retreated and is calling for backup. I raise my gun. Jonathan's figure flashes before my mind's eye. I see him slumped on the mattress. Dead.
I pulled the trigger.
I murdered him in cold blood.
I clench my fists so tightly that my fingernails dig into my palm.
Pull yourself together! Pull the damn trigger!
Cowardly, I lower my arm and run. It doesn't take long for me to catch up with Sam. The idiot seems to be running slower on purpose. Only when I'm with him does he pick up his pace.
Quickly we turn the next corner.
And come to a stumbling halt.
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