September 22, 1990
10: 35 am
I awoke to see that Tim left me alone in my bed.
Last night after we finished, he went straight to sleep. No good night, no cuddles….
I tried calling Tim to no avail. He didn't pick up the phone.
I was confused. I didn't understand what was going on.
Regardless, I got myself together and began to move on with my day.
September 22, 1990
12: 45 pm
As I was walking to class, I ended up seeing Tim and the other members of his frat.
A smile grew on my face as I tried to greet him.
He saw me, but turned to continue to talk to the other members. Ignoring me.
I felt...hurt. I didn't know what I did, or why he wasn't talking to me. Im...sure we’ll talk about it over the phone, right?
September 22, 1990
2:45 pm
I left class completely overwhelmed. I had to buy two new school books, which were quite expensive. I hadn't even gotten to my major class yet.
I started to feel nervous, like failure was close.
September 22, 1990
7:35 pm
Coming back to my dorm, my nerves were completely shot. I had to somehow purchase six new school books, all of which were really expensive.
I didn't have a lot of money, nor did I have a job.
I felt completely stressed out.
My phone rang.
I picked it up to hear the voice of Lucinda.
“There’s another party going on tonight! I saw how stressed you were over the new books, so I figured some fun at a party would calm your nerves.” She said.
A party? Why not?
Hopefully there would be alcohol there.
October 5, 1990
12: 35 am
That party I went to wasn't the last.
For weeks on end, I went from a graceful ballerina at day to a rebellious party hound at night. Breaking out of that character my parents created felt amazing.
Tim also managed to talk me again, but it was usually whenever he wanted to have sex with me. Sure, he didnt cuddle or say he loved me afterwards, but I didn’t fucking care.
Being an openly sexual being opened up my senses.
I felt...confident. Like a new woman.
I began to ignore my studies. All that made me feel alive were the parties.
I needed a way to pay for all these books. Fast.
I was meeting up with Lucinda for lunch today to get her advice.
“It’s like I have all these new classes...and all these expensive books… What do you think I should do? You graduate this year. You must have good advice.” I asked her.
Lucinda’s glasses shimmered as she moved her short green hair to the side. “You should get a student loan!” She said.
“The school basically pays you, and you can buy the stuff you need!” She said ecstatically.
“That’s a good idea, Lucinda! Thank you so much!” I said.
I wish I was wiser back then.
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