I finished swallowing what I had in my mouth and took a minute to think about what he just told me, a frown softly appearing on my face. "Why?" I ended up asking, the frown deepening.
"It's just that you're stuck at home when I'm not there and I thought you would enjoy going outside on your own when you want to... You know, have some independence and be more free of your movements.." He explained and I felt my stomach squeeze painfully.
"I don't need a guide dog." I said, putting my fork down. I couldn't believe what he was suggesting.
"I didn't say that. I just thought you would like being able to go out and walk around the city while I'm working..."
"Well you're wrong. And you better not bring one of those here." I answered in a low voice as I got up. Firstly he wanted to foster kids and now he wanted to bring a guide dog... Why did he want so much change in our lives? Was our routine not sufficient for him anymore?
"Hey, I didn't mean it in a bad way. And I'm sorry if I offended you. It wasn't my intention." He told me in a soft voice as he put one of his hands on my shoulder. "I talked to Imogen earlier and..."
"I didn't spend a big part of my life learning how to be independent and act as if I could see for you to get me a guide dog. I really mean it when I told you that you better not bring one here. I don't want one." I told him as I tried to stop my hands from shaking. This conversation was bringing back memories of my childhood and teenage years where my father used to punish me everytime I acted not normal enough for him. It made me remember how long and difficult it had been to always think and turn my head toward the sound of people's voice until it ended up being an automatism. It also made me remember the days I had to spend walking around the house to know it by heart and walk normally just so my father wouldn't be ashamed when people were around. Without forgetting the countless dinners where the plates and objects were always at the same place so I could use them without any hesitations and pretend I could see. My father had always spoke badly about guide dogs and used to say they were only for people too lazy to make their brains work. But I wasn't like that and I knew I didn't need one.
"I'm really sorry. I thought you might like one but I was clearly wrong. I shouldn't have suggested it. Please, don't be mad at me." He whispered, squeezing my shoulder softly and I sighed. I knew he didn't mean it in a bad way.
"I'm not mad... I know you didn't mean it in a bad way but don't suggest it again, please. I don't want or need one." I replied, finally turning around.
"I just thought you would like one the same way you liked the new oven or appliances we got over the years. I thought it would have made your life easier but I got it." He replied and I felt a kiss on my cheek a few seconds later, making a small smile appear on my face. "Let's finish dinner?"
I nodded and sat back. "Appliances are different. It helps me be independent. A guide dog would make me dependent on that dog and that's not something that I want."
The subject shifted and the rest of the meal was spent talking about random things and, once the dinner was over, the discomfort was gone and the good mood was back between us. We washed the dishes and went upstairs. I went to the bathroom where I undressed myself before going in the shower. As the hot water was hitting my back, I closed my eyes and felt my muscles slowly relax. I was surprised to feel fingertips on my back, making me jump slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you..." Ante whispered in a low voice as I turned around.
"It's okay, I just didn't expect you. It's been a while since we showered together..." I replied, a small appearing on my face.
"I still feel really bad about earlier, I..."
I cut him off by placing a small kiss on his lips. "I'm not mad anymore. You asked, I didn't agree and that's all. It's not like you got a guide dog after I told you I didn't want one..." I said, kissing him and putting my hands on his back to pull him closer. I smiled into the kiss as his lips started to move against mine. Gently, I moved my hands from his back to his stomach feeling grateful that, with time, he let me touch his scars and burn marks. The only thing I needed was to be gentle and not surprise him but it wasn't something difficult to forget and, even now, I got a warm feeling in my stomach everytime he let me do it.
"Let's shower..."
"Yeah right..." I chuckled as I felt his hands dig into my back and pull me even closer. As our kiss deepened, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I was to have someone so caring and understanding in my life and I was glad our disagreements didn't last long...
♂+♂=♥
"Are you working tomorrow?" I asked, laying on the bed next to Ante.
"Yes, I am. Like every other week days... But we should plan something for the weekend. Just the two of us. Maybe go on a small trip to a city nearby or just stay here and do anything you want to." He replied and I could hear the smile in his voice.
"I would love that." I whispered, placing a kiss on his collarbone. "It may be a little late to plan a weekend away from here but just something simple and romantic would be great. Maybe a picnic on the beach..."
"That sounds good. I will see what I can plan." He whispered back, squeezing me softly as I closed my eyes. I couldn't wait to see what he was going to come up with but I knew I was going to love it. It had been a while since we had done something like that and maybe that was what we needed in our relationship.
I woke up feeling the sun on my face and I moved my hand around only to feel the cold of the sheets. It looked like Ante was already up and gone to work. I got up and put some clothes on before making my way downstairs. Everything was silent, confirming that he indeed already left. I went to the kitchen and took a yogurt that I ate quickly before throwing the empty cup into the bin. I then went in the living room as I knew it was spacious enough to do some push ups and crunchs and started to work out. I wasn't exercising every day but I tried to do it at least a few times a week. I wanted to stay healthy and not put too much weight on. Sometimes, mainly during the weekends, I exercised with Ante while listening to some music and it was more motivating and fun.
When I felt too tired to continue, I stopped and went upstairs to take a quick but well deserved shower. A small smile appeared on my face as the water was hitting my back, thinking of Ante joining me yesterday. It wasn't something that happened a lot but, when it did happen, it always was a great time. I shook my head as I turned the water off and passed a hand through my hair. I could feel them getting longer and I would need to ask Ante to cut them. Thinking about this made me wonder if I should shave them off. I knew my hair had been thinning for a while and, even if I didn't care about that, I wondered if it would look better completely shaved. I made a mental note to ask for Ante's opinion once he would be back tonight and stepped out of the shower to put some fresh clothes on.
I made a sandwich for lunch and spent the rest of the day reading a book while sitting on a chair outside to enjoy the nice weather. After a while, I closed it and got up to prepare something for dinner. Ante was probably going to be back soon and I felt like I needed to prepare him something to eat as I wasn't working. I prepared a tomato salad and put some meat in the Talking Microwave Oven before putting everything on the table, just in time as I heard the front door being opened.
"Hey..." Ante said, walking closer to me before giving me a quick kiss. "I kept thinking about everything we could do this weekend, I have so many ideas!"
"What ideas? I can't wait, it's been so long since we planned something like that!" I exclaimed as I sat around the table.
"I was thinking that we could spend a nice afternoon around town doing some activities, then go on the beach in the evening for a picnic together before going back home... Something simple but cool, what do you think?" He explained, making me smile. It sounded amazing.
"I can't wait." I replied as we started to eat. "Oh, I had something to ask you... Do you think I should shave my head?" I asked, completely changing the subject.
"Shave your head? Why?" He asked back in a confused voice.
"Don't pretend you haven't seen that my hair have been thinning these past years. I know it; I can feel it when I pass my hands through it... How does it look? Because I would rather shave everything if it starts being too visible..."
"Honestly it's hardly visible and the only reason you and I know about it is because we knew how it looked before. Tons of people have thin hair without having a bald spot. And you look handsome anyway." He said, making me roll my eyes softly.
"You say that because you love me. Promise me you will let me know if I start having a bald spot somewhere?"
"I promise." He answered and I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Good." I replied back with a slight chuckle. "I wonder if my father had thinning hair as well or if he had hair implants..."
"Speaking about your father, don't forget that next week you have your annual meeting to check if you don't have prostate cancer." He reminded me, making me sigh softly. How could I forget.
"I know, I know. I can't wait to have something up my ass to know if I'm healthy or not."
"Be happy it's only once a year."
"Mmhm, is this a reproach?" I asked, a small smile forming on my lips at the tone he used. "Because you usually don't complain..."
"No matter how many years passed, you still can't stop making dirty jokes..." He sighed, making my smile grow bigger. Humor was my favorite thing to annoy him or to shift the subject away from conversations I didn't feel like having. And I was glad that, after so many years, it still worked...
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