I woke up with my head on the arm of the couch, I slept much better. I look down at my feet, He's not there. I quickly get up and look around for him. He's in the kitchen, eating cereal. I lay back down knowing he's here. "You doing better?" He must have heard my lookup. I stand from the couch and go around to the counter and sit down. "Yeah, I guess, now you're updated." I laugh. He doesn't, "Do those, episodes, happen often?" He gets up while saying this, starting the coffee. I rub the back of my neck, "Yeah, more often than they should." He nods, "Is there anything I can do to help?" He cares.
I think for a moment, "Not really, maybe just talk to me, try to bring me back. But don't touch me, that ends badly." I laugh at the end of this. My family says that's how I cope with the feelings and humor. I don't think it's humor but just laughing.
"Do you want some coffee?" He says this as he pours himself out a mug full of coffee. He sets it down in front of me and asks, "Hey, did you also take your meds last night?" I shake my head no and take a sip of coffee. "Can you take them now?" He asks. "Yeah.." He gets up and goes to the counter and examines the bottle. He takes out 2 pills and puts them in my hand. He sits down again beside me, "Take them, you cant be missing out on these. They're important." I take the pills with a sip of coffee, smiling. I look back over at him, his black hair is wild and crazy from just waking up, and his hand has a sharp scratch down the back of it. I put my hand out and touch it. He doesn't move his hand. "It's all good, Mateo." I take my hand back and keep eating.
Feeling the need to start a conversation I say, "I'm going out to the Melmons library today."
He replies, "Really That place is still open? I thought it closed a while ago."
"No it's still going, I used to go a lot but I haven't for a while."
"Don't you get out of the house much anymore?"
"Not really, I've been pretty isolating recently. However, it's getting much better now."
"I can tell. And especially the fact that you had a stranger into your house." Knox laughs after this."
"Yeah, I guess your right. - Are you doing anything today?"
"I might be going out for groceries later, maybe while you're at the library."
"Alrighty, well I am going to start getting ready to go.
I get up and grab my book bag from my desk chair. He stands up and is about to go back to his room. I run up to him and hug him. I say quietly, "Thank you.." He doesn't reply but just reciprocates the hug, he rubs my back then goes back to his room.
I check my phone for the first time this morning. No new notifications and the time is about 10 am. I double-check for my library card. I got it. I head out the door and down the complex's stairs. The place is a sad, dull beige color. I walk out the main doors onto the street. It smells like gasoline and looks grey besides the random spots of flowers the city puts out to try and make it look not hideous. I hear cars honking and people talking. I slide over my head headphones to block out the noise. I hear nothing now.
I walk down the street just a few more blocks until I reach the Melmons library. The library is a massive brick building. It's a family-owned library, the same family has been collecting books and literature artifacts for centuries now.
I walk in and see the clerk, he smiles and says "Welcome to the Melmons Library!" I wave and keep walking. I go straight to the elevator. It's just routine here. Walk-in, elevator, floor 3, 5 shelves down and a left, fantasy section. I have always gone there, it always has new books and it's also the only genre I can fall into. I click the button for level 3.
While I'm waiting I take off my headphone and put them away. I pull out my phone and check it./ I got a text from Knox. I open it, it says, "I'm leaving now. Want anything?" I reply, "Just a few boxes of movie candy." The door opens and put away my phone. I walk down the fantasy section and start scanning for a book. There is a new book called Elegant Mystery. I open up the book and start reading it. Becoming lost in the pages I read for a few hours. The book is so simple and brilliant.
I take it and walk over to the counter, I lay it down and look for my card. The clerk scans the book, then my card. I put the book in my bag and then start to leave. This library will always be calming to me, the soft colors and seemingly endless shelves of books. I walk back to the elevator and put on my headphone. I click the button, the doors open, and I head out. I do the same thing as before. Head down. Except for this time, on the stairs of my complex, a cat is sitting. I walk up and pet it, then go through the doors, up the stairs, and into my room.
Knox isn't here yet. It seems so empty without him. I set down my things and plop onto the couch. I open my phone and open Grindr. I start swiping. I don't even know why I do this, I feel lonely, but it's not like ill meet up with these people if we do match. But I keep scrolling anyways, needing something to do. Then there is a creek and the door opens. I keep swiping anyway. I'm comfortable around him, why hide anything?
He comes in and sets the food on the table. He comes around me and leans in behind me, tossing my candy onto me. "What's up?" He says. I can hear the smile in his voice.
"Finding a date... Or a hookup."
"Why not look around this town, go to bars or cafes."
"And besides, you never know, they may be right there next to you." He puts his hand on my neck and leaves. I put my hand on my neck where he was. He's right. I close out the apps and set my phone down.
I get up and walk to the kitchen and pull out some pasta from the pantry. "What are you doing sir?" He says jokingly. "I got us sushi." I see him taking out a box of sushi and walking to the couch and playing a YouTube video. I laugh to myself and sit next to him. I eat a piece. It tastes so good, the texture of raw salmon.
"Hey Mateo," Knox says
"What's up?"
"I work tomorrow, you should come along, it'll be fun."
I think about it, "Yeah sure why not."
"Great! You can just come along with me then. And it will help you with your isolating problem. Practice."
I smile and I'm glad that he is actively trying to help me. And what all could go wrong?
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