“Come on now, little mouse.” Squirrel took Ellie by the hand, her fingers gripping tight as she looked up into their bright, blue eyes. “Time to go shopping! Aren’t you excited?”
That wasn’t an emotion Ellie felt, at least not on the outside, and she only stared. Squirrel didn’t care. They’d spent the last five years dealing with the Magpie and his lack of expression. If anyone was an expert in reading past indifference, it was them.
“And why are we doing this again?” the Magpie asked, slipping into his heavy black boots and unconsciously checking his stashed weapons. He didn’t like the idea of taking the girl out into the world, exposing her to cameras and prying eyes, along with whatever dangers might lurk around every corner. “Why can’t we just buy what we need without her?”
Squirrel snorted out a hard laugh, choking themselves and coughing as they grinned. Even without the traumas that plagued Ellie - and in turn their own days and nights - there were basics that every toddler needed and they certainly didn’t already have lying around. They had to stock up on training pants and toddler clothes, as well as determine what foods she could and would eat. A quick search of the internet easily told them most things, but it was also good at flooding them with contradicting opinions instead of clear answers. The end result was a long two days of trial and error. And there was nothing stranger than an impulsive gender-queer who never wanted children and a six-foot-two, stone-faced monster of a man trying to decide which pull-ups were the most absorbent but still comfortable and wouldn’t cause a rash.
With that image firmly fixed in his mind, along with the fact that he could never tell Squirrel no, the Magpie had somehow been convinced that the best option was to bring Ellie, the traumatized, mute, three-year-old, out into a busy city on a shopping trip.
“Oh, you’re such a party pooper. The poor girl needs some fresh air!” Squirrel waved his question away with their free hand. “Besides, she desperately needs some new shoes and it’s easiest for her to just try them on.” Crouching down, they gave Ellie’s hand a soft squeeze. “Plus, this way, she can pick out what she wants, right?”
Squirrel nodded for her, agreeing with themselves in place of her lack of response. As he stepped up next to the pair, Ellie’s attention immediately turned to the Magpie and her arm extended, her fingers opening wide. He took her hand, then a deep breath in, trying to prepare himself for whatever disaster this was about to turn into.
It took even less time than he expected for everything to go wrong. Not even a block away from the loft, Ellie began making a strange combination of whimper and squeal and cry. Both hands immediately went to the Magpie, gripping tight to his hand, then his forearm, desperately trying to climb him like a frightened animal. He reacted in an instant, lifting her and letting her fold into his chest, burying her face into the crook of his neck. She trembled and her breaths were scattered, so he rubbed her back, trying his best to soothe her the way he did when she had a nightmare.
The panic attack lasted only a minute and her heartrate returned to normal. Her lungs filled and her breathing calmed. Finally, she lifted her head and stared, a familiar, vacant expression back on her face and her eyes wide with that hidden curiosity.
The Magpie, however, was not back to normal. “I knew this was a terrible idea. There is no reason she needs to be out here. We can just buy shoes for her.” A panicking child would only draw attention. That was the last thing they needed, and he was almost certain that was the source of his worry.
“Okay, Mags,” Squirrel started, putting their hands out to stop any rash, in-the-moment decisions. Unlike him, the concern clouding their usually bright eyes was obvious. “I don’t know what caused this, but what are you going to do later? Keep her in the room and never go outside? Hide her away? People will call child services.” Reaching out to grab an ankle, they gave Ellie a little frown. “How long do you think she lived in that dingy, dump of an apartment? How often did she hide under that bed in the dark?”
He blew out a sigh and met the girl’s giant eyes. They pierced into him. There was nothing else showing on her face, but there was definitely something behind those eyes. Squirrel was right. If this was going to work, he had to act like a father. A real father who loved his daughter, not someone taking care of an abandoned animal. She needed protection, but she didn’t need a cage.
Without a word, he started walking again, Squirrel giggling and rushing after him. Two more blocks from the loft, they called a cab. Everything was fine as they waited, Ellie gazing apathetically around her surroundings, but the moment the car pulled up and the driver spoke through the window, she started to whine again. Her arms tightened around the Magpie’s neck and her feet kicked at him, trying to scramble up and over his shoulder.
There was no choice but to wave the cab away. She wouldn’t go near it and they weren’t about to force her inside. Instead, they walked. Street after street, neighborhood after neighborhood, the Magpie held Ellie in his arms and Squirrel complained at his side. Sometimes, catching sight of a passerby made Ellie panic again. Sometimes, it only took a voice.
“It’s the men,” Squirrel finally groaned out, desperately trying to dab the dots of sweat away from their makeup. They hated this kind of exertion and after over an hour of walking like this, they were done with Ellie’s trauma and more worried about themself.
The Magpie only glanced in their direction. He was strong, but his arm was starting to get sore and cramp. All he could think was how he never should have given in to Squirrel and just gone back to the loft.
“What do you mean?” he asked as he attempted to shift Ellie to a more comfortable position. He had to take this opportunity while she was calm and staring and not trying to choke him.
With a delicate but forceful finger, Squirrel pointed to a man in his thirties, heading their way from across the street. Ellie was focused on them, but then followed the finger and let out a loud yelp. Yet again, she clawed at the chest in front of her, trying to curl herself around the Magpie’s neck.
“Whenever she sees a man, she freaks out.” The stranger gawked at the group as he passed, so Squirrel gave him a mocking grin and the middle finger. Once he was out of Ellie’s sight, her breathing slowed and she loosened her grip. “See? Every time a man comes near us, she reacts. When he’s gone, she’s fine.”
“Well, that’s not particularly convenient…” Scratching at his scruff, the Magpie watched Ellie return to her normal, indifferent self. Her head lifted and her wide eyes shone.
“No shit. What are you going to do? Avoid every guy over twenty? Honey, that’s almost half the damn population.” Putting their hands in the air, too tired to rant about it right now, Squirrel let out a heavy sigh. “We’re here. Let’s just buy some shoes.”
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