People always talked about high school like it was some big, wonderful paradise of forbidden teenage romance and parties. But it wasn't like that at all.
High school was literally National Geographic, and anyone who was smaller or stuck out like a sore thumb got eaten alive in the middle of the Sahara. The jocks beat up on the nerds. The weird kids with long hair hid and smoked weed in the back of the theater. Cheerleaders fought with each other in the bathroom.
Everyone was in it for themselves, and it was kind of glorious.
"Man, I can't believe my mom's sending me to fucking BootCamp this Summer," Stinky Rogers complains from beside me, hands in his pockets as he leers at the crowds of kids going by. "She ruins everything! I had plans to steal a car and light shit onfire! "
Stinky and I had known each other since we were kids. His real name was Arthur Holly, which made him sound like a Christmas cookie or one of those guys on TV that preached to old ladies on Sunday nights. He'd picked up the nickname, "Stinky" after he shit his pants in front of the whole class in second grade. Just, totally dropped a big one on the floor.
"Bootcamps are cool," I reply, and I clamp down on the toothpick in my mouth as I watch one of the hottest girls in school, Janet Jameson, stroll by with her group of friends. "They shave your head and everything."
"Bitchass!" Stinky snarls, and then he proceeds to punch the fuck out of a locker next to his head, leaving a huge dent behind. I bet it hurt his hand, too, because he couldn't even punch his way out of a cardboard box.
"At least you're going to BootCamp, " Brick Carver drawls from beside us. "My lame dad wants to bond with me. We're going fishing. Thank God I bought a Gameboy last week, I don't think I can handle listening to 8 hours of crappy country music. "
"Nice," I stick my hands in my pockets and I spit out my toothpick, "While you two losers are wasting Summer, I'm going to be living the good life," I gloat, much to their disgust. "I'm driving my new car out to the desert to do some doughnuts."
"How the hell did you get your hands on a new car?" Stinky demands, "You can't even afford new socks."
Before I can answer, Janet Jameson turns to look at me and smiles, her perfect teeth flashing. She had gorgeous blonde hair streaked with RonaMcDonald red that probably wouldn't have worked had she been anybody else. Her body was curvy and lean, and she wore this cute strappy tank top under a baggy plaid shirt.
I try to play it cool by looking away and running my hands through my head of dark hair.
I knew she wanted The D real bad. We'd been eyeballing each other for weeks now, but as the official bad boy of Backwater High, I had to take my time. I had to act like I didn't want her so that she'd want me even more.
Janet giggles and she turns to look at her friends.
Oh, crap.
"Hey man," Brick grabs my shoulder, "Is Janet Jameson actually looking at you? Is this for real?"
I knew what I had to do at this point. I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by, so I shake Brick's hand off and I start across the hall, towards Janet and her group of friends.
1994. This was the year I would snag one of the hottest girls in school and change my life forever. I had seen it in plenty of movies, the bad boy always gets the girl.
"Sup' Janet--" I begin, and I do this swagger kind of thing where I twist my shoulders a little and bend down.
The thing is, Adam Kavinsky comes running by at the same time as I make my move, dragging this massive plastic satellite and a roll of aluminum foil that rolls out behind him like a tail.
We crash into each other. Adam goes flying past me in a heap and I fall to the floor in the middle of the packed hallway, slide across the slick tile, and end up under Janet's skirt, between her legs.
"Oh my God!" She starts to scream, "You're a creep, Kevin Quinn! A dirty creep!"
"Janet!" I protest, and she stomps on my fingers, sending me shrieking in agony. "It's not what it looks like!"
"Save it, freak! I don't know what I ever saw in you!" Janet snaps back, and then she proceeds to kick the shit out of my face before she leaves me lying there in pain.
"Oh no..." I hear Adam moan from nearby, and I glance over in time to see him picking up pieces of his broken satellite. "Now how am I going to listen in on the intergalactic space signal tonight?"
Kavinsky.
I was going to wring his scrawny neck.
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