Ben stood on the landing in shock. His mother hadn't said much, but he knew it wasn't good. Ben's father was in the hospital. Apparently he'd had a heart attack. His mother obviously didn't want to scare him, and told him that everything was fine, but he could hear the fear in her voice.
“Ben?” Ben looked down the stairs to see Emilia. She looked concerned and her eyes were red. She knew. Ben started slowly down the stairs, numb at first, but the further he descended the more the fear grew. By the time he had reached the bottom of the stairs he was shaking. Emilia spared no time pulling him into a hug, telling him that everything was ok, and she would take him to see his father.
The drive to the hospital was tense and quiet, and Ben had to force himself not to spiral out of control. His dad was ok. He wasn't going to die. He couldn't die. Ben hadn't had enough time with him, yet.
Walking in to the hospital did nothing to calm his nerves and the telltale smell of hospital reminding him of death. Ben had never liked hospitals. Forcing himself to calm down, he followed Emilia, who seemed to know exactly where she was going. He needed to seem strong. For his mother, his father, and himself. He would be strong. His parents needed him to be strong so that they didn't need to worry about him. They have enough to worry about now.
After what seemed like forever, Emilia guided him around a corner and his mother came in to view. She was standing in the hallway with a doctor, tears falling silently. Ben had to take a second. This would prove a harder day than Ben realised.
He and Emilia paused a few feet away, not wanting to interrupt the conversation, and after another minute or so the doctor left.
“Mary.” Emilia called quietly, pulling Ben's mother's attention to the two. The second Mary saw Ben she ran to him, pulling him into a hug and sobbing. Ben had to fight back his own tears.
“It's ok. Your Dad's fine.” She said through sobs, trying to reassure Ben and, most likely, herself.
“He's sleeping at the moment, but he's ok. He has to stop working, but he's ok.” Ben took a steeling breath. He had to be strong for his Mum.
The two thanked Emilia for her help, and she excused herself, reminding Ben that she would happily come and get him later.
A few hours later a nurse came to collect Ben and Mary, letting them know that Michael was awake and wanting to see them. Mary darted up and practically ran down the hall to Michael's room. For a woman in her 60's, Ben noted, She moved surprisingly fast.
Ben, however, took his time. He wasn't sure what he would see when he entered his father's hospital room, and he was scared. Logically, Ben understood that his parents were no longer young, but being reminded of his father's mortality was harder than he expected. Ben had never felt fear like this before.
Seeing his father in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines and looking more exhausted than ever before broke something in Ben. He could feel the lump forming in his throat, but he fought it back down. His parents needed to see him being strong.
Michael opened his eyes at the sounds of his family entering the room, giving them both a tired smile, which seemed to completely break Mary. She rushed to her husband's side, choking on sobs as she kissed his forehead and held his hands. Michael leaned into his wife's touch, accepting her love and telling her that he was ok. Everything was going to be fine. The two shared in each other's fear and love, comforting each other, and allowing themselves to be comforted. The intimacy and raw emotion his parents were sharing broke Ben, his determination to remain strong for his parents suddenly useless; they had each other. With his one job now redundant, all the emotions he had been pushing down erupted from him, along with tears. Suddenly, he needed his parents to be strong for him. He needed his Dad. He wasn't ready to lose his Dad. He wasn't strong enough to cope without his Dad.
Eventually visiting hours finished, and a nurse informed the Stokes that only one support person would be able to stay in Michael's room that night. Naturally Ben told his mother to stay, but she insisted that she walk him out. The two walked down the now empty, sterile halls in silence until the hospital entrance came into view.
“Ben,” Mary called, coming to a stop and turning to her son. “Take my car back to Emilia's tonight. It's late and I don't want to put her out.” It wasn't a suggestion.
“What about you?” Ben asked, turning to meet his mother's gaze. “How will you get home?”
“You can come and pick us up tomorrow.” She responded, a small smile peeking through her eyes “Besides, you have to get your things home somehow.”
Things? Ben was confused, and Mary wasted no time in clearing the matter up.
“Your Dad is retiring. We're coming home.” Mary smiled, clearly rejoicing in the silver lining of the whole, awful experience.
Home? Was that still home for Ben? Of course he loved his childhood home, and he loved the idea of being close to his parents again, but he had come to think of the Winton household as his home. The idea of leaving created a knot in his stomach, as though leaving his new home would cause an irreparable change. Ben suddenly hated change.
“Go on, darling, it's late. We'll talk in the morning.” Mary placed her keys in Ben's hand, using both of her hands to close and hold his. “I love you.” Ben nearly broke down a second time.
“I love you too, mum.”
The drive home was excruciating for Ben. Seeing his father looking so fragile, and his mother so lost broke his heart. This day was always going to arrive, but he felt so completely unprepared for it. As fear and helplessness began to rise in his chest, Ben's first thought was that he just wanted to crawl up in bed and be held, safe in James' arms.
His second thought came abruptly, riding in on a wave of anger. Anger at himself. He'd been wasting time. Time his father didn't have. He needed to stop wasting his time with James, even if he didn't want to. There was no future with James; they were just friends who comforted each other. Ben needed to focus on his education, his future career, and the family he was to build. A family he could never build with James.
It was time to stop acting like an impulsive teenager and be the strong, successful adult his parents had raised him to be.
Comments (0)
See all