If someone were to ask Childe what he liked about Zhongli, he would not know exactly what to answer. The major had many qualities, as well as a unique beauty. When he first met him, he knew he was not a normal person and in the end he knew he was not wrong.
When he learned that he was Rex Lapis, and that he was viciously deceived, his anger had grown to inexplicable levels. But even at that moment the feelings had already finished blooming. Zhongli had watched him guiltily, as the room fell silent and only the two of them stood there, facing each other, trying to settle the jumble of emotions that gripped them.
The younger wanted to curse him, wanted to hit him until his anger was satiated. However, he simply stood there, in complete silence, increasing the other man's guilt.
Only when his thoughts settled in his head and he understood everything that motivated the former archon to do what he did, Childe realized that it was not worth being upset. He approached the opponent in slow steps, until he was positioned right in front of him and watched him with ill-concealed anger, blurting out an equal reproach.─ So I was nothing but a mockery to you two?
But Zhongli was an inexperienced mortal, his naivety led him to think that the junior was really upset. His countenance became complicated and a trace of sadness settled in his gaze. Childe's heart had fluttered at that simple expression and were it not for what little self-control he had left, he would have laughed right in the other's face.─ It's not like that, you really are important to me.
Those simple words had brought him down.
So, if young Ajax was asked what he liked, he would answer, with utmost sincerity, that absolutely everything, about Zhongli, he liked; from the most trivial things, to the most complex.
─ What are you thinking about?
The major turned, still with Childe in his arms, and walked, backwards, until he reached the bed. He sat down and gestured slightly to the younger, who did not hesitate to position himself astride his legs.
Childe held the archon's face between his hands, caressing his cheeks gently, losing himself in that penetrating amber gaze.─ In how much I like you.
The chestnut smiled and ended up bringing their lips together in a tender kiss, while his hands went up and down the other man's waist, caressing underneath the garment.─ How were things, did you have complications? You didn't get hurt, did you?
Childe denied, wrapping his arms around the older man to hide his face in the hollow between his neck and shoulder, inhaling that scent that was intoxicating to his senses.─ It was easier than expected.... ─A warm sigh left his lips as he felt Zhongli's lips resting on his exposed skin.─ Lumine's brother was alone, but it was evident that prior to our arrival he had a great battle, there were fatui soldiers covering the ground.
─ How is the young man, do you think he poses any threat?
The younger boy groaned as the mischievous hands of the former archon began to touch more sensitive areas and he shuddered under their touch.─ No, he... he....
In a situation like that, for Childe, it was almost impossible to formulate a simple sentence correctly, his mind was clouded. Zhongli watched his every gesture closely, delighting in the expression of pleasure remarked on his face.─ What about him?
He seemed to be enjoying that, his eyes shining with intensity and making Childe feel even weaker at his actions.─ Se... sensei, please....
Before he could say anything else, the older man sealed his lips with his own, deftly turning to lay him down on the bed and land on his body. As the lascivious kiss came to an end, Zhongli whispered.─ Call me by name.
Once again she had succumbed to this man's clutches.─ Zhongli.... nhg, just shut up and make me yours at once.
The named simply smiled, willing to fulfill all the requests of that little one who could be his undoing.
The moon still illuminated the night sky from above. The window had not been closed and the icy breeze was beginning to be a nuisance.
Childe stirred in the thin sheet covering his lower body and when he opened his eyes he was met with Zhongli's uncomfortable expression. Was he having another nightmare?
He sighed in exhaustion. It seemed that the elder still had some conflicts that he was having trouble finding a solution to. The orange-stranded one reached out a hand, ready to push away the strands of hair covering the other man's face and sticking to his skin due to the light layer of sweat, but halfway there he stopped abruptly, shivering slightly in place, when he heard him whisper in his sleep. At first they were incomprehensible words, but the expression on his face, with a slight frown, and the way his hands clutched at the sheets, let the younger man know that something was indeed not right.
The orange-stranded one brought his face closer to the other, trying to listen more closely, but among all those whispers he only managed to understand one name: Guizhong.
At that moment, Zhongli's expression looked even more distressed, as if he was going through the worst of sufferings. Childe didn't want to get the wrong idea, but he had spent so much time outside, adding to that the strange attitude the former archon had been having weeks ago. Was he seeing someone else? Who was Guizhong? It sounded like a woman's name, someone Childe couldn't recognize no matter how much he thought about it.
He tried to remember his talks with other people, to look for some clue, but his mind was blank.
Was he just being a simple obstacle preventing Zhongli from being with the other person, or was he just getting ahead of himself? He wanted to think it was the second option, but every time he tried to clear things up with the elder it told him that everything was fine, so why did he seem to suffer so much?
He knew, from the beginning Zhongli had only seen him as a child. He was nothing more than a pawn in the game that the elder had set up with Signora. He didn't trust him, he didn't see him with the same eyes....
Childe felt like a fool. At that moment, all the thoughts swirling around in his mind did nothing but confuse him. Was he being a nuisance to Zhongli? Was he always like this? Was the elder allowing him to remain by his side out of mere pity? Perhaps the former archon felt he owed him for what he had done, and his heart always belonged to someone else.
Ajax was still an inexperienced young man, he could still be described as a child. Compared to the Geo God who lived for so many years, he was still naive and learning how to live his life.
He stood up and awkwardly walked to the washroom. His body felt heavy, his legs did not respond as they should and a stabbing pain attacked his lower back. He looked at his lower half; it was full of purple marks from what happened a few hours ago and he felt uncomfortable as a goo slid down his legs, and even more pathetic as his thoughts became more complicated.
He felt dirty, used.
Maybe his feelings blinded him; just maybe they wouldn't let him see the Major's suffering clearly.
He tried not to be affected, he wanted to remind himself that he had been Tartaglia, the eleventh of the fatui. An elite soldier who was only good for battle, to slaughter anyone who crossed his path and who would never be affected by nonsense like this. But it didn't work, he let himself fall on the icy ground and be consumed by the overwhelming sensation that was enveloping him.
At that moment he was nothing more than a naive and lost little boy.
Since when was he just being a nuisance? Zhongli had started behaving like this ever since he took a little trip with Lumine, but he also knew that if something bad had happened, the blonde would say something to him, for the elder was just as important to both of them.
He couldn't understand, he wanted to, but Zhongli kept making everything more complicated. He naively believed that in this time he would be able to clear his mind, but things only got worse.
Amidst all the confusion, Childe finished cleaning his tired body, got dressed and returned to the room. The major was still tossing and turning in bed, his hand reaching forward as if looking for someone. Normally Zhongli would be a light sleeper, but this time he looked really exhausted.
Ajax's heart couldn't stand the sight.
He wasn't the person Zhongli was desperately looking for in that bed; he was just an obstacle. That's what kept repeating in his head.
He felt overwhelmed. For the first time, someone outside of his family was so important in his life, but what did he mean to that person? Did he only see him as a casual companion? He didn't want anyone's pity.
He tried his best, but if Zhongli was not willing to cooperate, if he was not able to open his heart sincerely to him, then he could only let him have his way. However, a part of him whispered to him that he was a coward, that he was only running away out of fear of facing reality.
He didn't care.
He refused to cry, even as he took pen and paper in his hands, as the words flowed freely on the white canvas; even as he reached out one last time to the older man and left a warm kiss on his cheek; even as he held the chopsticks he had once given him and laid them on the note he had written.
This was a rather painful farewell for him. His eyes stung, but the tears never came.
On that cold night, Childe took the pieces of a broken heart that no longer belonged to him and said goodbye to the place he had called home for so long.
On that cold night... only the moon was witness to the lonely figure that was getting lost, in the distance, in the darkness.