Can I come in?
I stare at the door debating whether I can enter or turn my heels and keep my integrity and avoid an embarrassing figure with people I don't even know by accidentally saying something homophobic, I notice the engravings ... 'GO TO HELL, PERVERTS, FAGGOT'. I feel retching climbing on top of me, I understand that they can't stand them ... but this goes beyond the limits, I don't understand why they covered them; The moment I resigned myself to not wanting to cause trouble in my boring life, I am stopped by a tall figure behind me
“Are you coming in or are you waiting for an official invitation from the queen? "She says in a feminine but somewhat deep voice
"I ..." I go back looking at the door not knowing what to say finding myself under trans, and gorgeous, more and less tall as my brother, blond hair with light waves gently contouring her face almond eyes and her sweet expression makes me melt like ice to sun, I stare at her with a boiled fish face, I'm a sucker for pretty faces, she sighs and then peers at me from top to bottom and breaks into a smile
"Enter up" opens the door and then gives me a slight push inwards and closes the door behind my shoulders, making all my possibilities to escape disappear, give up all hope, or you who enter maybe I am dramatizing the situation too much but my social level is equal to that of a jaguaro, and I risk making a false step and being hated by an entire club; I mentally prepare for the battle, everyone turns their heads looking at me giving me a welcoming smile, I study the room, there are flags attached to the walls of all colors many of which I do not recognize, the desks have been moved towards the walls, one is covered by Food and beverages.
Reluctantly I make my way feeling the anxiety rise on how to approach them approaching a small group, the goddess approaches me holding out her hand and then begins to speak "I haven't introduced myself yet, please aisha, welcome to the club", I shyly accept your hand, "Nice to meet you angela and I'm here for a sociology project" I explain nervously, I'm afraid she'll be offended by the fact that I come here to study them like monkeys in a cage, opens up a reassuring smile, and gently pushes my shoulder, to introduce myself to everyone.
"They are my dearest friends" he stops and then continues taking a deep breath "Shanti my greatest treasure" points to a girl with pronounced makeup (dramatic eyeliner, a little heart on her cheek, black hair with fringe and has dressed in emo (not really my stylus but it suits him), she salutes me, smiling at me, Aisha keeps talking "the beautiful Azami", she hugs me surprising me, warm, her hug is warm, she made to feel safe even if it was for a short time, there I look closely has a light brown sweater, with a teddy bear and some leggings even if they are against the regulation, in the end it indicates someone to whom he did not risk. Define the sex "and for finish Alex, they are non-binary please respect their pronouns, you can ask us anything you want "she says and then approaches the refreshment table, and looks for something in a pile of papers that I hadn't noticed before, becoming visibly more annoyed in the not tr ovare what you are looking for, meanwhile I square Alex he is - THEY are beautiful, red hair, open black and white checkered shirt with a black inside crop top, and finally a black jeans, if it weren't for the hair I would have thought that they were out of a black and white film seen the corpse complexion.
In the end, she opens up in a smile and lights up her face, she comes back to me giving me a sheet of numbers for support, I happily take it thanking her and then put it in the bag, being careful not to ruin it, I will use it for the project, it will be enormously useful.
Right the project!
He had completely slipped my mind, "Are you okay if I ask a few questions?" " yes what she says "Alex replies bored, I almost want to call her Wednesday, then I turn to Shanti to whom he just nods quickly," Has any of you comming out ... I think that's the word? " I ask hesitantly, from receiving bad reactions, yes I'm afraid about everything, "well we can say that Alex is one of the few cases in which coming out is a success", Wednesday, feeling called into question, finally opens up in a smile, "my parents welcomed me with open arms loving me, they always treated me the same and they didn't get my pronouns wrong "he says happily, blushing a little with excitement.
Aisha looks at her smiling happily but with regret "I, on the other hand, am one of those who have not been so successful ... they call me by my dead nameand they mistake my pronoun on purpose, every time it happens my heart breaks, as if millions of arrows hit me, I want to throw up every time I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up, I will never be enough woman, I hate everything about myself, I can't even meet my boyfriend's family because I'm not a real woman "stops a second to catch a breath" I really love him, but every time I see him with a cis woman I know I'll never be enough for him ", so she's ...
"Are you trans?!" I try to hide my surprise and she knots her head holding back the tears "I'm just sorry you don't look like that - that is, I mean you're beautiful", she smiles in response "thanks, I'll take it as a compliment ”he replies bursting out laughing and I am amazed in his beauty, ahm I have always said that I have a weakness for beautiful faces, especially if they are about to cry, stand out their eyes! no Angela, concentrate now is not the time.
"Life is difficult but there is nothing I can do to improve it, to have the happy ending Cinderella had to work hard, and I will do it myself" he says sighing looking at the floor, he has completely lost the joy he had before telling me about his situation ... "both my parents and I are Muslims so I could not hope for a happy life regardless of following my path on the road ... I know that their love for me is conditional ..." ends the sentence making us all remain stunned without the ability to move.
After that we all remain silent, I notice that the whole club was listening to our conversation, and I wonder how my parents would have reacted if I were, luckily I have no reason to be afraid of losing them because I am not and never will be like them or at least I hope so ...
I'm doing unnecessary drama, being here is hurting my head, no I say ... I'm easily influenced by God, the bell breaks everyone's thoughts and I walk towards my lesson, I have art with Liliana, we haven't talked much later the last conversation we had, I don't think I've done anything wrong other than having ascertained the truth for the thousandth time, I don't find fun in breaking other people's dreams.
I sit in the seat next to her silently, following the lesson hoping that she begins to speak but from her expression I deduce that this will not happen, I take courage and she pass a note with the words 'hey' being careful not to let my teacher discover me , She ignores him in response and I give up.
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