Spoiler-free review from a user on another website :3
Illustrations: (I can't upload high quality on Tapas, I recommend reading this series on https://www.scribblehub.com/series/504872/there-are-two-gods-in-heaven/or https://archiveofourown.org/works/47236045/chapters/119020720 for a better experience...)
Cover (Arc 1)
diana
artemis
Abhi
“If they seem aggressive, beat them up first, if they are armed, destroy them.”
That’s what he had told me before the mission started but even though I wanted to, I couldn’t follow his orders.
I run away from that place as fast as I can, irrationally turning left and right through the empty alleys and the dark streets, even though there is nothing behind me.
Of course, they don’t need me at all, they were there for him.
“Now I’ve fucking done it!” I sigh and look up.
The white crescent shines brightly in the sky, revealing a high wall, the dead end of my escape.
Slowing down, panting, I lay my back against it and drop onto my butt.
What I thought were raindrops curling down a lock of my hair was actually my own sweat.
I unbutton a button of my shirt to let the cold night’s air cool down my body, and exhaustion mixed with a bit of irony turns my panting into a small laugh.
“I screwed up so badly, it’s actually hilarious,” I think.
As I take a moment to process what has happened, I don’t think anyone could have survived. But even I know that dying for this man is more important than saving my own life.
Indeed, my first mission as the Prince’s bodyguard had ended in failure.
EPISODE 1: BODYGUARDS
“His Highness the Prince’s bodyguard, codename: DARIUS.”
“His Highness the Prince’s bodyguard, codename: ESMERALDA.”
“His Highness the Prince’s bodyguard, codename: ARTEMIS.”
“Ah, it’s my turn? Sorry, the last bodyguard is me, my codename is DIANA.”
I feel so stupid now that all these serious people are looking at me, but all these ceremonies are beyond me. I don’t care about sounding serious and trustworthy, I’m not here because I want to be.
Besides, this prince is way too scary.
First of all, he looks like a 70-year-old devil with a cane, and that’s scary. Nobody would expect a Prince to be an old man, would they? I mean, the word has a very young and chivalrous ring to it, and when I heard I was going to be in contact with the actual Prince, I didn’t expect him to look like the concierge or something.
What’s also scary is that he looks like he’s about to blast my existence out of this world with his thunderous eyes, and that’s very scary.
As for the other three fellows in the room, they look average. The kind of people you’d find in any book.
Here are the big muscles.
The big brain.
And the big tits.
As for me, I’m the big idiot.
We are all standing in the luxurious suite of an overpriced hotel, some distance from each other, in front of the old man who seems to be in pretty good shape, but while I am looking for a convincing escape plan from this skyscraper, the prince actually mumbles something.
“ARTEMIS and DIANA…” he says.
Well, even I noticed that stupid thing. Artemis and Diana are basically the same goddesses from Greek and Roman mythology. Except that when I look at her, uh, no, I’m nothing like this succubus.
“Yes...?” she asks in an obnoxious voice.
What?
All eyes are on her now. I can’t believe that idiot thought the Prince was calling us and not just pointing out that we have the same signifying name.
Oh no, now I feel very insulted, this black leather idiot is an even bigger idiot than I am and I will not allow her and I to be associated in any way!
I don’t know how these guys got recruited; basically, I got involved because my sister is indebted to the bone and sold me to this shady-looking high-risk high-reward company a few years ago. The kind where you have to subscribe to way too many insurances, so it seems extremely unsafe.
I honestly thought it was some kind of weird fetish brothel with codenames and bondage, and at that point I was ready to accept prostitution, but then they actually trained me in infiltration, hand-to-hand and armed combat. For a few weeks, I thought it was a very realistic form of sadomasochistic training.
And then I followed the instructions for my first mission, so here I am teaming up with people I don’t know to be the Fantastic 4 for an old man whom I’m not even sure is a real prince anymore!
God, I wish my name was a cool Russian name like ESMERALDA, I could be the Black Widow and break people’s necks with my legs, wouldn’t that be hot and awesome? Wait, was it Russian? Anyway, now I’m stuck with DIANA and I really hope that the whore who owns the name of my alter ego gets smashed by the almighty old Prince’s glare, thank you very much.
Unfortunately, the Prince has never killed anyone with his eyes, and my hopes for him vanished in a few seconds.
He’s so old anyway, and why would he ask for people like us and not some powerful knights trained in a castle or something?
It should be mentioned that I had never fought anyone before my training, except for that time in middle school when that girl called me a whore and I pulled her hair out so hard that it bled a little. It was disgusting. She had a big hole in her head ever since, which she tried to hide with a new haircut, but it was so ugly that she shaved it all off. People actually went from mocking her to being nice to her because they thought she might have had cancer, and she got presents with “good recovery” on them, not that she hated them.
Wait, wait, wait, this guy’s been talking for a few minutes now and I wasn’t even listening! I can’t believe I was distracted by Chemotherapy, what a ridiculous way to miss important events!
“-so if that’s the case, you might as well leave now.”
What did he say? Should I ask him to repeat it? I’d really like to know what conditions I have to fulfil in order to leave now!
“Excuse me, Your Highness? I did not listen the last minute, could you please say it again?”
What the fuck?! It’s Boobies again, and damn what a helpless person she is. Not listening at a time like this is so pathetic, and she dares to ask the prince himself to repeat.
“That’s all right, I only said that if you’re not ready to die, you might as well go.”
“Oh yes, me! Me! I’m not ready to die, sir! May I go?”
!
I knew it wasn’t the best feeling in the world to be beaten, but did you know that an iron cane could hurt even more? Ah, I feel like my arm is broken. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
The strange thing is that the girl next to me is hurt too.
But she didn’t say anything, did she?
Maybe it’s the pain, but I can’t remember which of us said something so stupid and rude.
I hate that old man now, why would he offer to leave if he was going to hit us?
“DARIUS, STOP!” Someone shouts.
SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“If you break it too much, we won’t get the information!”
What the hell is going on? Why is there so much noise? Wait, who hit me?
What I thought was an iron-reinforced cane was actually the iron-reinforced arms of the very luxurious and expensive hotel’s room service robot.
This is ridiculous! The mission hadn’t even begun when I was surprised by the modern evolution of a vacuum cleaner.
Now that I have looked at it, said vacuum cleaner, which is about one and a half metres tall, has clearly malicious intentions with its angry red alert eyes screaming 'I have sworn to destroy mankind,' which makes me shiver, even though it is currently secured by Mr DARIUS’s big muscles.
“It’s definitely remote-controlled. That, or it was pre-programmed before we got here,” Miss ESMERALDA adds, as if she has been doing this all her life.
Well, good for you, smart ass, but for normal people like me, we have just entered the 'what the hell' zone. And when I woke up this morning, I wasn’t planning on playing in Ghost in the Shell!
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