I spent the rest of the night trailing after Kat and forcing a smile onto my face, drinking nothing but bubbly water and some kind of lemonade that was delicious. Kat was rather wasted enough for the two of us, so I guided her home and up to my room. In the darkness of the hall, the light shone through the crack under my grandmother’s door. But that was a problem for tomorrow.
Once I had settled Kat into the bed, I got ready myself, went down to the kitchen for a glass of water, and then returned to my room, where I slept on the floor to prevent being attacked by Kat. I’d known her long enough to know you ought to give her the same space you’d give a moose or a polar bear. That is to say: a lot.
Despite my best attempts, I was rudely awakened the next morning by Kat crash landing right on top of my stomach. A groan escaped me and Kat rolled onto the floor, smacking her own head into the corner of a table leg and screaming out in pain.
“Good morning to you, too, Kat.” My voice came out somewhat strained due to the pain in my stomach. It was like Kat had deflated the balloon of air when she had fallen on me.
“Sorry,” she groaned, rubbing her head. “I didn’t expect you to be on the floor.”
“Where did you expect me to be?”
“Who knows? The bathtub, the wardrobe, the underside of a dining table, the living room… That one time it was a balcony. That was scary.”
I winced when she spoke. She’s right. I was never in the places you’d expect.
“Oh, sorry. Am I talking too loud again? We should get some water. And some breakfast. I know I have some painkillers somewhere in my purse.”
“No, it’s not that.” I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest, my eyes wandering to the top drawer of my dresser where I knew my engagement ring to be. “I just have some stuff to deal with today that I don’t want to do.”
Not a whole lie, at least.
“Yeah, what are you going to do?” Kat sat up, still holding her head, and pulled her legs underneath her. “You just dumped that Edward guy on his ass, so I can’t imagine that’s going to go over well with him or your grandmother. I need sausages.”
“That Edward guy,” I repeated. “Don’t let anyone else hear you with that one. But I don’t know what I’m going to do. I think the first thing I should do is go talk to Edward. I…”
“You can’t marry him.”
“Well, that’s what’s so confusing. I would have said that a month ago but now I’m not so sure. What I do know is I can’t marry him yet. I have no idea why my parents thought that was a good idea and seeing as they’re dead I can’t exactly ask them. But I know that’s where I need to start. Forgive me for leaving you alone all day?”
“Nothing to forgive. Just point me in the direction of the kitchen and find my painkillers?” Kat’s eyes were closed and she was rubbing the bridge of her nose. I grabbed her purse and threw it across the room into her lap and gave her directions to the kitchen while I got dressed and pulled my hair up into a ponytail.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Take your time. Good luck!”
And then the door closed between us and it was just me, alone, standing in the creaking drafty hallway of a house it now seemed would never be mine. And just when I was starting to become fond of your decrepit shutters.
After a brief moment of confusion at the gate, I had been allowed onto Edward’s property despite the fact that I was dressed like a farm hand and probably had huge bags under my eyes from not sleeping.
I was seated in a hallway staring at my shoes and waiting for my turn to speak to Edward, who was apparently busy in meetings all morning. Finally, after what felt like at least an hour, but must have been far less, a man opened the door and said, “Miss Becker, the Prince Edward will see you now.”
I nodded and stood, smoothing my jeans as though that would fix the obvious wrinkles and dust that adorned them. It’s now or never. Just rip off the bandaid.
“Hello,” I said when I crossed through the doorway, not bothering to curtsey or use his formal titles. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
His eyes remained fixed on the paper in front of him, but he did put his pen down as he spoke to me. “I don’t know what to think right now, Adelaide. So I think it’s best if you start.”
“Ezrah told me what was going on and I just felt betrayed and alone and I can’t believe I agreed to get married to a person just because someone else said I should and then you said I could say no. And then when I knew I had that option a huge part of me wanted to jump ship right there but I stayed because my grandmother… well, she… nevermind.”
“Ezrah told you what was going on with what?”
I risked a glance toward Edward who was staring at me with his brows knit together, waiting for me to continue, I guess.
Oh, shit! I don’t need him to hate his best friend on my account. “Just stuff about my grandmother and why he was really at her house. The point is, I realized the other day that everything I’ve been doing has been because I wanted to do what my parents asked, which seemed like a noble goal.”
Maybe we’ll leave out the part where I was doing it for money. That sounds bad even in my head.
“So I guess what I’m saying is…” I paused to take a deep breath as my hands shook at my sides. “What I’m saying is that I don’t think I can be engaged to you. At least not yet. It started for all the wrong reasons and I don’t want that. We can’t build a relationship on my lies. We just can’t.”
I stared at Edward and he just stared back.
“Were you able to say everything you wished to?” he asked me calmly, standing and buttoning his suit jacket before taking a few steps toward me. He held out his hand, palm up and waited for my answer.
“Yes,” I stammered. “But I forgot to bring your ring with me. I’m sorry.”
He looked down at his hand. “It’s not for the ring, Adelaide. It’s for your hand. You’re shaking.”
I was, too. I nodded and allowed him to hold my hands, following where he led and sitting on the couch.
“Let’s see if I understand. No one really told you anything about this engagement and you didn’t actually read my letter before you met me. Which means you’ve been operating under the assumption that this is some kind of arranged marriage. Did I miss anything?”
Tears were inexplicably stinging the edges of my eyes so I nodded instead of trying to speak over the lump growing in my throat.
“And now you are telling me that of your own free will you are not sure if you wish to remain in our engagement or leave it?”
I nodded again, staring down at my lap instead of daring to meet his gaze.
He took a deep breath that almost resembled a sigh, but I didn’t dare look up at him, instead trying to ensure that my lungs took in enough air to remain conscious.
“Do you want some time? Would that help you decide?”
I looked up at him. Did he just say I still get to decide? Why hasn’t he dropped me himself by now? Surely he could find someone better than me.
“I don’t know anymore. Let’s be honest, I would not be a good princess or queen to this country.”
“Maybe not yet,” he said simply. “But I think with some time, you could be. Just think about it, okay? I’ll tell your grandmother we’ve decided to call off the engagement for now and take things more slowly. I will ensure she knows it was my choice to do this and not your fault.”
“But it was my fault.” The tears were now silently streaming down my cheeks. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Edward. And I really do think you’re wonderful. But…”
“I know,” he said, placing his hand onto mine. “Everything will be fine.”
And then I was left to stare at my own reflection in the large wall of mirrors as Edward turned and left the room, heading off to yet another meeting, probably.
Well, if I’m going to blow up my life, I might as well just get it all done at once while Kat’s still here, I thought to myself. Time to go tell Grandma.
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