🎵I must not be human. Loving me is inhuman. Dirtied by these bruises. Keep thinking I'm so useless. Wishing upon a star tonight. I'll fill the space of a star tonight-🎵
"Kekei it's time to eat." Mother calling me from the front porch. Only to temporarily stop these feelings of hurt. Sighing in the sudden cool breeze, "God, I hate this town". Saying with the softness of my voice under my breath, wishing I can go away to a far place. "Coming mother", I replied. Leaping off the bulky branch of the tallest tree in our neighborhood. I forget how sweet my mother is at times, only to remember she doesn't really care about me.
Walking in the door, and seeing both my mother, brother and my father who must have mysteriously walked past me into the house. Haven't seen him in almost two months due to his work. I barely see him much now, but he is someone I looked up to when I was younger. I sat soon enough and noticed what my mother was serving on the dining room set. "Eh, why are we having Spargelsuppe? I hate asparagus." Speaking flusteredly towards my mother. "Calm down Kekei," talking as if we are best friends. "It's your fathers favorite pastime meal. He's not here as much, but enjoy him while he's still here before he goes back on his travels for work". "It's okay dear." My father responds, knowing how much I hate asparagus. "You did fix a big dinner, did you not? Surely you knew." As he laughed. "I kid, I kid." Mother responds with laughs of her own as she went to get the rest of the meal. "Finally I won't have to eat something I don't enjoy." I said under my breath, quiet enough so no one would hear me.
"How's the end of school year experience coming along?" Father asked, but to my reply I couldn't really answer. Just thinking, dreading the next day. "It's okay, I guess." Just two more days of high school and then it's graduation from here on out. I can move and settle into a college that won't have those jerks in my classes. I'm sure they won't be heading into the art field. "I'm going to hit the bed early, night everyone". Excusing myself after finishing my meal. Dad used subtle hand gestures to hint me to come to him real quick, so I went to him. He gave me a hundred dollar bill and winked back. He briefly said, "School may be tough, but it'll only get better when you have something you are truly pursuing".
As I headed up stairs with that thought in mind. I really wanted to believe my father. Laying in bed thinking for ten more minutes before eventually falling to sleep. The next thing you know morning came, and the alarm on my phone was loud enough for me to hear. Can't believe I slept with my phone next to my ear. Was briefly checking my daily fortune cookie before falling asleep.
Getting ready for school as I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. "I wish I can sleep for half the day and not go to school." Me wishing, but there is an end in sight to this disastrous school year. "Hey Keikei." My little brother says with morning joy. He's truly a good kid. Smart, bright and a middle schooler. Some of the guys my age can learn a thing or two from him. He's way too cute. Hopefully nobody gives him a hard time. Heh, He's probably better off than me right now to be totally honest.
"Hey, Reen? Got a girlfriend yet?" Asking my brother a random question. He started to feel embarrassed in the sudden ask of the question. "What the...don't ask random questions like that! Besides, I'm not ready for love yet." I let the question go as I feel like he does have a point as a boy his age. "You do have a point." As I responded, looking silly. Then I continued to brush my teeth. "Later kido, have fun."
I head downstairs to grab a light breakfast. Strawberry jam toast and a bottle of water.
Heading to school never felt so dreadful, but the taste of strawberry jam was comforting. My walk to school seemed quiet and peaceful, even for just a moment. I wanted to sing about all these emotions quelled up inside me. But ironically, I was hurting inside. Being betrayed by those close to me. Just to be on the side of the popular. Not how I would imagine my school days to be. As I got closer to school, I started to shake. Thinking, skipping school wouldn't be half bad. But as the thought came to mind, I was already here.
As I walked up the steps there I see, the girl named Christilla. I felt a tightening in my chest. I avoided gazing in her direction and walked straight to class. But I couldn't help but see a glimpse of her face as she quickly noticed me with a smirk on her face.
Holding my books tightly, I hope to not hear her call me out. As I got closer to the door of my class, I felt thankful that she didn't bother me right away.
Making it to class on time is usually what I strive for. But half the time I'm late due to certain mishaps that may one day ruin me. I try not to think about it and head straight to my seat. Thankfully I sit all the way in the back in the corner of the classroom of my English class. I won't have to suffer much here. I actually enjoy English very much. Unfortunately that peace was short lived as a note was passed back all the way to me. Thinking to myself, "For WHAT? WHY?? Why me? Can you people please just leave me alone!"
I slowly open the folded piece of paper. My anxiety was killing me, I couldn't handle the pressure I'm under. As the note was halfway open, I slightly hesitated as I looked up at the teacher, then my classmates. Only a few girls had their eyes gazed upon me as I opened the folder paper. Then I looked back down on my desk in panic and quickly opened the sheet. It read, "Let's have fun during lunch period," with a smiley face next to it.
Suddenly I frozed, understanding the context of which the note was about. I was mentally hurting on the inside. Wondering, why? What did I do to you to deserve this? A question to myself that I would never understand.
The teacher called me to read and I snapped out of fear real quick. I was asked to read a poem in the short story of our english book. It was titled the "Heavenly Clause". At that moment the short story stuck with me. An amazing story about a bunny letting out all his pent up feelings. Once he did, he was able to run fast. Run fast to the fields of heaven. It put me at ease as I suddenly teared up. I was wondering why I was suddenly crying. But it hit me, I saw myself in that bunny. Needing to let out all of my feelings. Both the hurt, the sadness. The good mix with the bad. I was really hurting. The teacher and everyone quickly looked at me as I finished the short story. The teacher asked if there was something wrong, noticing I was not feeling alright. I asked if I may go to the nurse office. Telling her I was not feeling well, that I tried to come to school. Even though I wasn't really alright. She agreed and let me go. I wiped my tears and grabbed my personal belongings. Leaving my books behind.
Laying down in the nurse office. Laying in the bed next to the window as the sun shines bright. I wish I was able to sit under the sun having the best of memories with friends I can enjoy my time with. But I am just here alone. Nobody I can accept and trust.
I made up my mind. So I sat up on the nurse's bed and decided to leave school. It is not really considered skipping if this is the last week of school anyway.
I grabbed my belongings and walked my way to the door. With no one in the nurse office besides me. I won't be getting scolded. As I opened the door, I checked both ways of the halls to see if anyone was around. But to my avail, no one was in sight. So I headed down the halls and immediately took the stairs. Thankfully the stairs heading down to the first floor of the school takes you to the schools entrance. I looked around to see if any teachers and staff were around. I didn't see anybody. You would think the halls would be crawling with teachers and staff during the last week. Surprisingly not, well this made it easy for me. Although I shouldn't feel like I would be getting in trouble just because it is the last three days.
As I headed outside, I saw Christilla and her group of friends laughing and joking around. I was hoping they wouldn't notice me as I passed by. But one of the girls looked dead in my direction. I suddenly felt like a giraffe headbutt me in the gut. I continued to walk as if I didn't notice they were there. They were a few meters away by the tree near the school entrance.
Christilla started talking out loudly in my direction. "Where are you going? I thought we were going to have fun during lunch break."
Although I didn't hear my name. I was hoping she wasn't talking to me as I kept my mouth tightly shut as I kept walking. Then one of the girls asked, "Aren't you going to respond to Christilla's feelings." She laughed outrageously and then said, "You know she likes you." I retorted, "How egregious." The girl continued to laugh as she commented back, "Oh come on." I was completely embarrassed and bothered by her sudden outburst. "You guys must enjoy messing with me. I just want to be alone for awhile." I looked down after saying all that and slowly started to walk away. Christilla smirked at me with the sinister look of pleasure. It was like she was staring into my soul. Is she some kind of devil? I wondered. Didn't make me feel any better as my mind was jumbled up with thoughts. The next second, Christilla was right beside me. I was not paying attention to her and her group of friends as my mind raced to the dark spaces of my shadow. I slowly tilted my head to the right, looking at her shadow. It collapsed into mine. Knowing how close she was scared me.
She wraps her arms around my right arm and laid her head on my shoulders. She spoke in a soft low tone but it ranged ominous in my ears.
"Hey there friend." It echoed as I tense up and froze right there on the spot. Christilla clutches her fist and nuzzles me in my ribs like we were friends. I knew it was coming. Her friends not much longer surrounded me as if I was the main focus of the group. In my mind, I'm thinking this is the worst. I'm about to get jumped by bullies. Not a fun day with how things are going. Moments laters one of the girls on the left side of me kneed the back of my knee from behind. I almost fell as I used my left hand to break my fall. I immediately looked back as I turned halfway around and yelled, "You could've tripped me." I was so furious. But she brushed me off and acted all innocent. "I'm just messing with you. We're friends right?" The girl laughed sarcastically. I looked at her like she was crazy. "FRIENDS? WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WOULD TORMENT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT?!"
Christilla acknowledged my response and told and nodded her friend to back off. "Tanya it's cool. We'll let her go for today." As soon as I heard that I felt a bit of relief. Then she added, "But let's give her a quick pardon gift. Ain't that right Keikei. This is our last week together. I am so going to miss you." Once I heard that, I didn't like where this was going. I covered my face with my bag and thrust forward away from her.
But the moment I took off, she grabbed my arm tight and I ended up falling on my butt. Dropping my belongings along with it. I used my wrist to cover my face. Suddenly I was kicked and punched in the back and my waist. Then my ribs. I wasn't protecting myself good enough. I put my hands down to hold my waist then suddenly a kick to the side of my face. Above my right ear was throbbing. As I fell to the ground. I was crying in tears. My eyes closed. I then overheard one of the girls said that they had enough. All the girls then ditch me and walked away. No one saw what had happened to me. It was just me alone with these five girls.
I looked up at the clouds for a few minutes. The clouds suddenly got dark. I didn't watch the news or anything but I can tell it was going to rain. I checked my phone just to make sure how the weather was going to turn out. I haven't checked it at all, and yup. It read it wasn't going to rain. I was laying there on the school's walkway. I sat up realizing I didn't bring an umbrella and got on my feet. I was bruised all over. It hurt like hell. Especially in my heart.
I tripped over myself, but my legs are fine. I'm just having one of those bad days. I started to tear up as I left the school's ground.
Then it came pouring down on me the moment I started crying in pain. Who am I kidding? This day is the worst. I covered my head with my bag. I decided to walk all the way home. I don't want anybody looking at my bruised face, arm and wrist. Halfway home, I looked at a mirror outside of a small boutique shop. I can see a little bit of blood above my eyebrows where the bruise was. I didn't notice earlier. It made me feel more terrified to come to school the next day. I hurried the rest of the way home as I was drenched from the rain. It rained harder as it washed away the blood as it fell to my cheek.
Home finally. I sat up against the tree I love so much. I took out my makeup from my bag and applied it real quick on my bruised face. I didn't bother with my arm and wrist. I plan to make an excuse if anyone took notice. I must hurry to my room.
After I put the finishing touches, I went straight for the door. Grabbed my home keys and went in. I took off my shoes and put them in the corner. Hid my face from my family by looking down. My mother and father was watching the news station. It's always about politics. I continued to look around. Seems as if my kid brother is in his room. My mother called out to me.
As she called for me, I was halfway up the stairs. "Yes mother?". Keeping my face hidden in the shadows with the bruise to the side of the wall where they can't see. "Nevermind honey. You are drenched and wet. Go take a shower. However, you are indeed home early".
She noticed I came home early. At least she didn't say anything more. "Yes mother." I continued to head to my room. It was next to my brothers. I took my clothes off and put them in the pantry. Looked in the mirror, my bruises turned purple. Thought I'd be numb to the pain. I sighed and grabbed my towel off my rack and went to take a shower.
Comments (1)
See all