I honestly didn’t know how to react to that statement.
“Okay?” I looked back at my father, who had a serious expression. “Why?”
“Hendrik has just found out that Miss Rizanne Lacrome was not the Rizanne Lacrome on his list.”
“An imposter?!” I pressed my hands against either side of my face in horror. The Miss Rizanne I had just been talking to was a fake?
“No.” Father chuckled. “It is simply a misunderstanding. My letter of employment was written to Rizanne’s mother, who also happened to be named Rizanne. Unfortunately, she has retired from her work as a governess, and her daughter has taken over. That is the Miss Rizanne you have learned with.”
What was he trying to say? Was he going to kick my governess out?
“But Daddy, I like this Miss Rizanne. It doesn’t matter if she’s not the one you wanted.” I hooked my hand around his big, callused hand. “Please don’t dismiss her. She’s really nice to me.”
Father nodded, though the hand that I held was motionless.
I giggled. “Is Daddy concerned about me?”
His hand gripped tighter around mine. “Of course.”
“Hehe.”
I didn’t know why, but I felt happiness bloom from within me. Perhaps it was from the old Elena’s feelings of wanting to be loved by her own father, even if she didn’t show it. Father never said he loved me, but I could tell such a feeling was there, spoken not in words, but in actions.
“Elena.” Father stroked my head again. “I have also come to tell you that I will be gone for a few days.”
“Why?”
My father withdrew his hand from my head. A strange, heavy silence suddenly fell upon him, as I waited a few moments for him to speak.
“I just received word that my best friend and his wife were in an accident. They…” he halted his words for a few moments before adding in a low tone, “…didn’t survive.”
I could not really see my father’s expression, as he looked away from me, the darkness casting a shadow across his face. But I could tell something was different just from the air around him.
I squeezed his hand again and brought it to my face. “I’m sorry for your loss, Daddy.”
He must be in great pain right now. He not only lost his beloved wife, but his best friend as well. I couldn’t even fathom such heartbreak, and I didn’t know what I could do to console him. Was there even any correct way to console someone in grief?
“But Daddy, you still have me, okay?” I whispered against his hand. “I’ll always be here. For you.”
Father suddenly kneeled and embraced my small body against his. I was surprised. I didn’t expect him to be someone so physically affectionate, but I guess his emotions were just too much for him to bear alone.
A person may seem extremely strong on the outside, but an outsider will never know what was really hidden beneath it. My father must’ve felt so alone in the past. He buried himself in work, disregarding the selfish old Elena, as he tried to hide how he was breaking inside.
He didn’t know how else to cope, besides that. He had no one to pick up the pieces, not even a daughter who loved him when he couldn’t love himself. How was he to know what he was doing was wrong?
No one was perfect—that was true—but everyone can change.
And I was here now, right?
My father’s shoulders shook, and I could feel his hot tears soak my neck.
“It’s alright, Daddy.” I hugged him harder and patted his back. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”
I closed my eyes.
We embraced for a long time in the moonlight.
~~~
My father hadn’t come home in days, and I was worried sick. Arion had already dropped by a few times, bringing cakes that would cheer me up, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. I tried to recall if this kind of situation happened in my past life, but when I looked through my old memories, I could only see an apathetic Elena unconcerned about her father’s disappearance. Or rather, she didn’t even notice his absence! What a bitch!
Then a certain memory appeared in my head, making the hairs on my arms stand on end.
After my lessons with Miss Rizanne, I hurriedly searched for Hendrik. He was my father’s most trusted person, and the one who had taken care of him since my father’s youth. He should be able to answer my question.
“Hendrik!” I called out to his figure in the distance.
“My Lady, please don’t run. I will come to you.” He turned around and walked to me in long strides. He was quite agile and fit despite nearing his sixties. My modern mother wouldn’t be able to hold a candle to him, as after ten minutes of jogging and subsequent chest heaving she could already see angels waving at her.
“My Lady, is there anything you need?” Hendrik asked.
I admired how Hendrik still retained such good posture at his age. I could tell that he was quite the handsome gentleman when he was younger, too. A mental image of my modern father and his beer belly also popped into my head, and nope…he couldn’t hold a candle to Hendrik either. Sorry, Dad.
“I just have a question.”
“Yes?”
“I heard about what happened to my father’s best friend. Do you know his name? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him before.”
“Ah, of course, Lady Elena. The Duke’s best friend is the Earl of Kintore, Robert Forsythe. You might not remember him. The last time he visited the estate was when you were just two years old, if I recall correctly. He has not visited again since his wife gave birth some eight years ago.”
I could feel my heart drum against my chest.
“They have a child?” My voice almost cracked.
“Indeed, my Lady. Countess Miriam had a boy.” Hendrik’s frown deepened as he shook his head in lament. “It is rather unfortunate, as he is now an orphan.”
“Is his name Rhett?” I asked, struggling to keep my voice from shaking.
Hendrik looked surprised. “Yes, my Lady. How did you know?”
I was trying to tamp down on my rising anxiety, when I heard voices come from the foyer.
“The Duke has returned!”
The servants scuttled towards the entrance.
“My Lady, let us welcome your father back,” Hendrik said as he smiled.
I nodded and followed after Hendrik to the main entrance.
I felt like the world was in slow motion. I felt nauseated, as this was a scene I had already lived once before.
Standing in the hall, beside my tall father, was the very boy I had just mentioned.
The boy who, in my past life, was responsible for my death.
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