I snapped back into reality, away from thoughts of old and things I wish can be. My life as it is, is just what it is and shall be. How things are are what they are and will continue to be. Dreaming of days before or remembering things of old are just memories in the shadow of tomorrow. Change has come, and change will always be. Change will come and snuff out those that dream. How far can change go before it can go no longer? I wonder. I wonder if change ever wants to stay in place? Does it ever want to be in the moment it is in? Does change wish that once the moment passes, that it wishes it could have been in that moment just for one moment longer? Does change ever dream as I do? This I wonder, and this I shall never know.
Then my hand instinctively began to turn the key where now the door is unlocked. It waited for me to enter, but as I placed my hand on the doorknob, a strange feeling began to fill my body. I felt light and uneasy. Anxious yet not in anxiety, but in excitement. All feelings that I feel seem contradicting yet here they are. Strange as it be, I for some reason accept them as they are. I do not fear the uneasiness, but embrace that possibility that it is just my mind making me feel as I thought. So I turned the doorknob and opened the door. As always I passed on through the veil between the outside world and home. I thought nothing of it as usual aside that I'm glad to be home. The feelings that I felt just moments ago seem to have faded as fast as they came.
However, once I focused more on my surroundings those feelings returned. Although, anxiety and confusion held more dominance over any excitement that I could ever have at the moment. In front of me was the small wall that when turning left would lead to the small area where I hung up my coat, took off my hat, and took off my shoes. In front of me, slightly offset from being directly in front of me on that wall was a door. Yes, nothing would seem odd about it except the fact it was never there before. The door was a dark brown, matching almost with the color of my front door. My heart began to beat slightly faster as I stared at it.
I didn't notice at first the small round table that sat beside the door. The wood was a caramel brown and sitting on it was a gas mask. Confused by it all, out of no reason at all, I was drawn to it. To the mask and to the door. I walked over and stood there, contemplating what was going on. I looked at the door and looked at the doorknob. What should I do? What am I seeing?
I think even more, trying to figure it out. All feelings of worry, fear, all of it disappeared. I was left with a heightened curiosity. The sense of adventure grew more and it carried my next action of reaching for the doorknob. I carried on and turned it knowing that all that was left to do would depend on my next action. To open it and see what lies behind in secret, or to leave it closed and walk away. The adventurous spirit is pulling me towards seeing what there might be behind this door while my senses were cautious and held doubts about going any further with this. It reminded me again the thoughts I had on the drive home, and the thoughts I had outside my front door. My door, predictable and controlled by lock and key. As many things in life are like this. As things with time go on, the past remains locked and the key rusted becoming useless; making the memories we have remain as they are the way those moments before were.
This door however possessed no key and had no lock. It was just a door left unlocked and unguarded. All the thoughts I had before of change resurfaced as I thought more about this. My grip tightening before becoming gentle, finally deciding to push open the door. I could not help but to be lost in the moment. Time seemed to slow down as all of this was happening. My heart fluttered and my stomach twisted and turned while my thoughts raced and fled my mind. Reality soon returned to my senses as the door was finally pushed all the way open. All that I felt was now replaced with awe. What I saw, what I see is like something from a dream. Something I could have not believed.
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