Chapter 12
-Wrigley-
Cash holds me to his side for the whole time I ‘talk’ to my dad. I just close my eyes and think about him, think of all the things I want to tell him, all of the things he would know about me if he was still here.
Today is his birthday. Mum never comes; it’s too hard for her and besides, I don’t think the nurses would even let her out, especially not to visit my dad on his birthday and death day.
And that really fucking hurts me. It hurts that my mum can’t even come visit dad, but it also hurts because I know that she shouldn’t visit him. Because it would just make things harder for her, and make her more upset.
So, things are better like this. Even if they aren’t good at all.
I’m vaguely aware of Willemina leaving at some point towards the end, and by the time I open my eyes again after saying everything to my father that I want to, it’s just Cash and I still in here. He rubs my back gently, offering me some greatly appreciated comfort.
Giving him a slight smile, I lead Cash by the hand back out of the mausoleum. It must have started raining at some point during our visit, but instead of going home, there’s somewhere else I want to go, if Cash is willing to go with me.
“Can we visit your grave?”
Cash blinks a few times before squeezing my hand and nodding. “I suggest we don’t touch for it though, just in case anyone recognises me.”
Humming in agreement, I check to see if there’s anyone around us who will notice Cash’s disappearance, but when I deem the coast to be clear, I let go of Cash’s hand. He smiles at me, but his expression looks a little more empty than before, and I can’t tell if that’s because he’s no longer solid or not.
We don’t say anything the whole time we’re at his grave. It feels wrong to talk to him right now, and quite honestly, I feel sad. I knew I would feel sad when visiting his grave, but I feel like I always would’ve had to at some point.
It’s just sad to think about everything that Cash lost when he lost his life. Because it’s so much more than just his physical body; it’s everything he had. Death isn’t just about the physical sense of our bodies deteriorating; it’s about everything emotional which goes into the process of death.
People always say that death doesn’t happen to you: it happens to those around you; those who love you and will miss you. But I disagree. It does happen to you, and it happens worse for those who come back as ghosts. Because those around us have each other, but Cash has no one.
Well, that’s not true anymore. He has me.
And he’s an annoying dick, but he knows when to be serious and he knows where the boundary between joking and serious is with me. Which is impressive, because normally it takes people a while to figure that out with me, but it only took Cash, what, two days? Three including today. That’s seriously short and he already knows how to piss me off and comfort me.
I’m glad I summoned him. I’m glad I made a contract with Cash, because whilst we’re both lonely, we can offer each other someone to lean on. And that’s something that we both really need.
—————
When we make it home, I make us some food in the hopes of working out if Cash can actually eat anything. We know that he can’t when he’s a ghost; the food passes right through him like everything else. But he kind of has a body when we touch, so…maybe this will work.
We sit right next to each other on my bed, slices of toast in hand (yeah I know I said food but I’m not a culinary master ok) whilst my hand rests on Cash’s thigh. I don’t need to have my hand there; our shoulders are touching, and whilst I’m convincing myself that my hand is just there in case one of us moves and Cash turns ghostly again whilst in the middle of eating toast…I also know that I just want to touch his thigh so that’s what I’m doing.
I don’t think he minds, but then again he spent half the day with his arm around my waist and he definitely didn’t need to do that, so.
“Here goes nothing,” he says after a moment, taking a bite of the toast. I try not to watch him like some creep whilst he eats his toast but I’m curious about whether it will actually work. Cash clearly starts getting uncomfortable with me intently looking at him so I eat my own toast, sneakily watching him from the mirror on my desk instead.
He finishes the toast, giving me a thumbs up. “Man I forgot how good toast is, even if I can’t taste it.”
I frown slightly, putting down my own plate. “Hang on, so you could eat it but not taste it? Dude that’s just sad. All you’re left with is some texture bullshit then.”
Cash shrugs, leaning back against my pillows and smiling. “I don’t mind, it was just nice to eat something again. I expect that as soon as we stop touching the food will just poof out of existence, or I’m hoping so because if you end up with some weird toast goo on the floor from it being stolen from my stomach then sorry.”
I snort, taking my hand off Cash’s thigh to test the waters. When no weird toast goo ends up on my bed, I scowl. “What the fuck Cash, this means you can literally eat whatever you want and not have to worry about the consequences?! Also you could totally hide something forever by eating it and then making it disappear like that.”
Cash laughs, placing his legs in my lap and smiling. “Shame I can’t taste anything or I’d be utilising the fuck out of that cool ability. And I’m not a dead bin of some sort; I refuse to magic things out of existence. Plus, I have no idea how this even works, like will it come back to haunt me (har har funny) at some point? Or will I need to take a ghost shit?”
I huff with laughter, pushing his legs off my lap just so I can kick him. Cash grabs my ankle, a playful warning glint in his eyes. “Come on Wrigley, we’ve been there done this already and you know that I’m going to win the tickle war. But hey if you want to get tickled then I’ll kindly oblige you like the lovely gentleman I am,” he says with a smirk.
Making a face at him, I pry Cash’s fingers off from around my ankle, stealing my leg back from him. “Yeah no I’m good thanks; you’ll make me choke on my toast. And no one gets in between me and my toast, so. Good luck with that.”
Cash laughs again, the sound light and airy as it easily brings a smile to my lips. Climbing off my bed, I grab my laptop to check what pre-made appointments I have tomorrow. Groaning slightly, I close the device and flop onto my bed next to Cash.
“Busy day tomorrow?” He asks, rubbing my back soothingly. I groan again before shifting onto my side so I can see him. “Yep, there’s always more customers at this time of year. But hey it helps pay the bills when I have lousy days with no customers so it’s fine.”
I chew my lip for a moment before hiding my face in my pillow again. Truth is, I kind of want to change jobs. I want something more reliable, something which isn’t illegal. But I have literally no skills besides convincing people to buy shit. Oh damn, I would make a great insurance salesman.
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