EARTH’S POV
It was unexpected for both of us. The bomb was a real shit. I opened my eyes immediately and looked at them. Arus seemed in real shock. His mouth was open and eyes were dull. Leila was beaming still. My heart was pounding in my head and my chest was tightining. I couldn’t breath.
“Arus? Say something darling…” there was no response.
“Earth you see right? He is in a massive shock.” Her laughter was ringing in the house. She couldn’t get any response from me and turned her gaze to look at me.
“So do you I see…” and snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. I woke up from my absolute shock and saw her questioning eyes.
“Oh I am sorry Leila. Congratulations. I am really happy to hear that. It’s a big news. You deserve to be happy. You will be a good parent. So does Arus…” with that he came to life and snapped his head to me. I looked at his eyes as if saying ‘come on say something’. Then he turned his gaze to Leila and smiled.
“It is really big news babe. I wasn’t expecting such a thing.” She caressed his cheek with one hand and pecked his lips.
“I see that darling. I hope you are happy as I am?”
“Of course I am. I am happy. When did you learned it?”
“Oh I got sick at the show and got to the hospital. And the doctor gave me the good news. I don’t know how could I resist till today without telling you but I wanted to see your face.”
He nodded. Stil smiling. He was trying to not to look at me and I was looking at the carpet with blank looks.
“I will take a shower first and then I want to celebrate this with you darling.”
“Yeah ofcourse we will. Go ahead. I will be waiting for you.”
After she went to the bathroom, we stayed there in a deafining silence. Neither of us willing to talk and look at each other yet.
“I think I should go to my room. Congratulations Arus. I am happy for both of you.”
“Earth…I…”
“No, don’t say anything. You don’t have to say anything. Everything has changed by this news and…I don’t know…I need to be alone right now.” I turned my back to him and went to my room. I could understand he had nothing to say. There was nothing he could do right now. My remorse was getting bigger and bigger. After I saw Leila’s face shining with happiness and they kiss each other, there was nothing to feel but remorse. They were a happy family till I came around and I was destructing it. I was blind by lust and love for him. This was not acceptable. I needed to find a way to escape.
ARUS’S POV
That was unexpectable. It was really really big news. And ofcourse I was happy. But sad at the same time. All the plans I did with Earth was now nothing but a dream. I knew I was a lier, a cheater. I betrayed my wife and my marriage. But did I not deserve to be happy? Happy as who I am? Since high school, I was with Leila and pretending as a straight husband. I knew it was the biggest lie in our life. But I was scared. Scared to face up to the risks I could get with my family or friends and relatives. During these years I was acting. I could say that I was not unhappy totally. But I was not happy either. I dreamt my life with Earth since the night at the bar. I fell in love with him after what we did and I couldn’t confess even to myself. And after he came my home I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I tried to not let him to stay, not talk to him, not let him come close to me. I failed. To be close to the man of my dreams was a big challenge. Leila couldn’t guess none of these. She did not deserve none of these. Nor a husband who is a cheater and a lier. And now I was gonna be a father. How could I leave them by themselves to choose my own happiness? It shouldn’t be even legal in my case. I didn’t deserve to be happy without them.
“Are you ok darling?” she asked while I was thinking and I turned to look at her. She was ready to go and looking absolutely gorgeous.
“Definetely. Are you ready to go? We have something to celebrate.” I said and kissed her. Trying to not think how the kisses become dull after all the kisses with Earth.
“Yes. Let’s go.” She said and grabbed my hand. We went to a nearby restaurant and ate some delicious food with no alcohol drinks while all I wanted to got drunk and maybe not wake up again.
She talked about all the future plans of us with our kids. Yeah kids… And I smiled, nodded, seemed happy and excited while thinking how was Earth feeling right now alone in our home. She asked for a stroll at the park but I said she needed to rest and we went back home. It wasn’t late but I didn’t see any light under Earth’s door. Was he sleeping already?
“ You were right babe I am exhausted. I think it’s better if I go to sleep. Will you join me?”
“I will come a bit later. Please go ahead and sleep babe.” I said and waited for her to go to the bed. After she turned off the lights I went to Earth’s room and went in without knocking. He was in bed looking like sleeping. I sat on the bed very close to him and he didn’t move even a bit. I put my hand on his waist.
“Earth are you sleeping?” No response.
“Earth…I don’t know what to say but I wanted to see if you are ok. I have nothing to say. I am sorry for all I did. I gave you false hope. I thought we could be happy together. Finally I could be happy as I am. God doesn’t let me after all I did to Leila.” No response.
“Earth do you hear me? Please say something. I didn’t want anything to be like this. I thought I deserve to be happy after all these years but why a cheater like me deserve to be happy right? I shouldn’t led you on. I didn’t mean to make you unhappy.” No response.
“Earth I am gonna be a father. Can you believe this? Because I can’t. I don’t even know if I am ready or not. But she is happy. She didn’t put a gun on my head to get married to her. I chose this life this is not a lie. I cannot say I shouldn’t because she didn’t give me anything but peace and love. But I always think about what if I didn’t get married to her and go to the places so far away and be myself. It would be better right?
“Earth?...I am a coward I know. But I need a solution you know. Like a guarantee that says my life will be better from now on. With you. Just need to wait a little bit more. I cannot go on like this. Not without you. There is not such a guarantee but would you wait for me?” then he turned his face to me and I saw tears on his eyes.
“Arus…please don’t do this to us. You cannot be happy with these thougts. I know the situation you are in and I know you have nothing to do. I cannot wait for a husband of a woman and a father of a child. Till when I need to wait for you? Where I will wait for you? You know my life is a shit hole. I have no job, no home, no money, no family. You have all of these right now. And you will find your happiness with them. I am nobody to you. Not even a friend. And the love you think you feel is just lust for a man. After all of these years I am the first man you touched. It is normal to feel like you fell in love. Ok? You will forget me in a blink.”
“No…no this is all bullshit. You know I love you. You felt it don’t lie to me. This is not just lust. I was trying to forget you for two years. I came to the bar’s door many times in a hope to see you again. If it was just a lust I could find a man again to live the same things. I could fuck with another man again. This is not just lust Earth. Even if you say everything is a lie you must believe my love is not a lie.” I felt tears in my eyes and closed them to not cry. I felt his hand on my cheek to caress. I opened my eyes and saw him crying as me.
“Arus… Don’t cry please. I want you to believe that you will be a good father. Don’t let what we have between us make you unhappy. Waiting to feel pure happiness is like waiting for someone who will not come ever again. I will be out of your life soon. Please make yourself adjust to be a father. A husband again.”
“Do you love me Earth?”
“This is not important now.”
“No…Answer me. Do you love me?”
“Yes I love you Arus.”
“I cannot go on without you in my life. I need to know that you will be somewhere waiting for me. This is the only thing will keep me on my feet as a father. Will you wait me to come back to you?” He leaned over me and kissed my lips with a lust and love and words would never said.
“…Yes Arus I will wait for you.”
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