Dedicated to my Mother and Grandfather, I wrote this because you inspired me with your journey in raising me.
Thanks, Mom
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Dreams shattered, similar to glass hitting the floor. This fate of mine had been decided the day I entered the palace. I was destined to fail, my missteps causing my defeat and inevitably I got everything I wished for. Just for it to end up being a dreadful facade. I was trapped bound to suffer while my soul keeps on remembering a similar torment, over and over. My life ought to have finished on that day, I should've suffocated in that pool.
I am what you call a fool...
I thought what I was doing could help, but only tragedy struck my bones as I return to dust. My flesh rotting under the warm soil while my soul lingered, begging for a wish.
I needed to save them, love them, care for them...
I am what you call a fool...
An egotistical lady who did whatever she wanted, not thinking about the terrible result of her worldly desires.
I don't have the right to live another life...
Be that as it may, in the event that I do...please, let me save them.
This was my wish...
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The day was so distinctive in her recollections, similarly, as though it was yesterday she could recall those sick looks from the children's eyes. Faced with the Emperor's shameless tears while he watched his love choke to death like she was some show for the sake of entertainment. What hurt considerably more was to see the one lady she trusted have such a wicked articulation, it resembled the words "I won, you lose". It made Eleanora's stomach churn even while she was gagging on her own saliva. Or maybe that was the reason for her stomach gurgling with such uneasiness.
Did that matter right now? Surely not, because at the moment she found herself in the same state seven years ago. Two weeks after her wedding day, she was officially a Noble Wife to the Emperor. One would be excited after getting a new life, yes?
No
Eleanora could only stare at the mirror with frightened, dormant, sad, and desolate eyes. She knocked on death's door hardly a couple of minutes ago, but now she faced her youthful appearance and an ugly expression in the mirror.
She was nowhere near excited, at all. If one truly lived as a Noble Wife to the Emperor, even a mere concubine would say "Do not come into the palace". This was someplace worse than hell, well, maybe not that bad, but it was way worse than being poor. Having no title at all was something the women in the palace actually wished for, to live, to breathe freely, and to love. Fighting over one man just to receive affection and to live never would appeal to any normal human being. After living her first life, Eleanora Bamué Bainbridge knew this too well, everyone in this palace was made to survive political disputes and attempted assassinations. Not a girl from a closed-off noble family who was never exposed to such ugliness.
Today Eleanora will not face her past, she will not encounter the Emperor again, or any of the wretched women in this palace. Her eyes reflected in the mirror widened inexplicably, not hiding the amount of fear she had on her face. Shuffling out of bed, almost tumbling onto the floor she raced to the hefty closet filled with comely dresses, and lovely cloths. She pulled at them tearing them off the hangers rigorously, continuously she kept pulling and pulling.
"I won't stay here! I can't stay here!" Squinting her eyes in efforts to hold onto the levering strength she had left. It hurt, it hurt to be in the same room where that simple decision caused it all, for her to tumble down a dark path. "I won't let it happen again!-" The tug from the dress combated her strength causing her to stumble and fall on her back. Her eyes were watery and red, they longingly stared at the ceiling wishing for a way to escape. Then the sound of her heartbeat made her thoughts race. She was flowing with life, breathing, seeing, and the world never looked uglier than it did before. Tears began falling down her soft porcelain skin, just how many times will she cry?
This was a question that couldn't be answered
At the moment
"So this is what punishment is...I must live in this palace..for who!?" Eleanora's complaint was noisy, she was sure the maids heard her cries, and the loudness from fighting with the dresses. They've heard this thousands of times before, from other women, they had a right to not care and let her drown in the misery she was going to face. Eleanora placed her hands on her face covering her eyes, as her cries resonated with her heart. The anguish in her gut saved from her past life and present life were now combined into one, and today she would let them all go...
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"M-My Lady, what is this mess?" The maid spoke with concern, and undoubtedly a touch of annoyance. It had always concurred to Eleanora that the maids didn't really enjoy their job, but continued to complain about it when they get home. Honestly, it made sense that no one would want to work for complacent, stubborn, stuck up nobles, so they had every right.
Eleanoras eyes were puffy as she forced a smile "I-I got upset, that is all." The maid sighed and kneeled down allowing Eleanora to have some company on the floor. "My Lady, why are you suddenly upset? You were very cheery last week when the Emperor came to visit...Did something happen?" She was asking too many questions, and of course, Eleanora was happy in the past, mostly because she was a fool. She needed to think and couldn't speak lightly until she could grasp the situation that gave her a headache.
"I'm just realizing that I won't have much freedom as I thought I would.." Questioning from a maid only meant two things in the palace, she was either brazen or an underling of the Empress or Royal Princess Consorts. Eleanora already slipped up from the tantrum she had earlier, this gave the maid a chance to speak swiftly.
"Lady Eleanora, the higher in rank you are the more freedom you'll be gr-"
"I have no interest in that.."
Silence and tension we're like partners in this situation, and no one was going to convince Eleanora otherwise. "That's enough of that discussion, I'm truly fine, please help me put these clothes away I'm dreadfully tired."
Eleanora stood up steadying herself, she took in deep breath and her hand began to reach out to grab one of the garments. "Lady Eleanora please let me and the others assist you, no need to handle such lowly tasks" The maid spoke out before Eleanora could even get her hands on the dress.
Eleanora never lifted a finger in her life, always had things done for her. Maybe that's one of the factors that led to her untimely death. Here she was in a new life still relying on others to get things done for her. She needed to do something, help someone-
"This is my wish..."
"That's it! My wish!" Eleanora exclaimed the maid jumped in surprise as she was going out of the room to call the others in. "M-My Lady, what do you mean?"
Eleanora covered her mouth in a frenzy "Nomthing" her words came out in a blur as she attempted to convey a smile behind her covered up mouth.
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It was a new day...
Eleanora sat outside on the balcony accompanied by two maids of her choosing, which happened to be a young lady named Fuji and a woman named Allison.
Allison was quite fond of Eleanora in her past life so she could be easily trusted and would save the trouble of Eleanora constantly worrying about someone plotting against her. That didn't matter anyway since she didn't even plan on getting close to the emperor, but rather his sweet bundles of joy.
Although Fuji wasn't someone she could remember entering the palace, but her energy was familiar to Eleanora. This was a bit risky but hopefully worth the risk.
Eleanora took a light sip from the gorgeous teacup holding the flavorful beverage. Those velvety thick eyelashes complimented her sweet lime green eyes. In the light is where she truly shined. Her gaze shifted staring over the balcony and the view of a small child walking down the long brick path accompanied by several maids came into her perspective. Her eyes widened and her lips parted from the cup, the sudden appearance of the child made her happy but it was polluted with the feeling of guilt.
Fuji and Allison stared at each other and then at Eleanora. While they displayed looks of confusion and wonder, Eleanora was silent as she thought about her purpose.
Given a new life to fulfill her wish, to help the Emperor's children from a world of suffering. In the past, Eleanora never was fond of the Emperor's children solely for the reason that she hadn't taken the time to know them. Looking back at it now, they had made subtle attempts to connect with Eleanora and she ended up ignoring them.
The only thought that echoed in her mind when she saw them was-
"They aren't my kids, so why should I care?"
Eleanora sighed heavily, the amount of guilt in her heart wouldn't be diminished even if she lived a third life. How horrible was she to do them so wrong...!
"Lady Eleanora, are you okay? Are you still not feeling well?" Allison inquired
Eleanora looked in their direction feigning another fake smile "Yes of course! Sorry my thoughts are all jumbled"
"Don't apologize, My Lady, you have done nothing wrong" (∩_∩) Allison voiced her concern with a bubbly smile. Fuji began nodding profusely "Shes right Lady Eleanora, no need to be sad or apologize we'll be there for you!"
Eleanoras eyes widened and she couldn't help but show a beautiful grin. "Right!" ( ◠‿◠ )
"Shall we prepare for a walk?" Eleanora said lightly as the breeze tended to her wavy chestnut brown hair. Allison smiled and spoke," I will prepare the parasol and your cape as it is quite chilly." Fuji pulled out Eleanoras chair and she stood up gracefully. "Thank you"
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Today's weather was sunny accompanied by light breeze it was perfect weather for a walk. Also, a perfect day for Eleanora to think clearly. She couldn't remember the weather when she choked to death, was it sunny or was it cloudy? It was too painful to remember anyway and too pitiful at that.
Right now her key focus was finding a way to distance herself from the Emperor, and get closer to the children. Being close to the Emperor was the cause of such a faltering relationship between her and everyone else.
Eleanora walked beside Fuji, while Allison held the parasol. Her gaze landed on the blonde-haired woman "Are you sure your arms aren't aching? You can put it down if you like.." Eleanora spoke eyeing Allison.
"My Lady, are you questioning my abilities?" (∩⌣̀_⌣́)
Eleanora looked away nervously "O-Of course not haha..."
Fuji held in a chuckle watching their interaction. Eleanora felt happy, she hadn't smiled like this in a long time, which made her feel skeptical as she wouldn't be able to smile for long.
"When do I get to meet the children of the Emperor?" Eleanora implored as they made their way to a marble pergola. Allison closed the parasol when they got under the shade of the elegant structure.
"It is supposed to be on the twenty-ninth of this month, it's the family gathering to celebrate the new Noble Wives, did you forget My Lady?" Allison answered eyeing Eleanora curiously.
'So the timeline is different, I can't remember if this me said something to the Emperor on our wedding night, I can't seem to remember these past two weeks either, I only have my memories...'
"I was just making sure in order to prepare for it...hehe.." (^▽^;)
Fuji's eyes went wide as someone came into view "M-My Lady!" Eleanora and Allison look back to see what alarmed the young maid.
"Hmph! Who gave you the authority to take my spot!" Her voice was full a spunk and it was cheery as well as adorable.
Eleanora didn't know how to feel since the youngest princess was now in her presence, surely this journey was beginning too early.
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