I TRIED TO HIDE THE FACT THAT I HAD A LIMP IN MY STEP.
The pain was like a knife being twisted in my spine. It shot up fast, erasing every thought from my head and paralyzing my body with every step I took. It didn't sit quietly in the background, rather it demanded my full attention.
The fiery pain had an almost unpleasant warmth to it, slowly eating away at my stomach. Nausea swirled inside of me, just enough to make me grasp the edge of my table for support. Being able to ignore any feelings of pain was something I had often prided myself in, but at that moment it almost felt impossible to do so. I was enveloped in a black abyss, with no way out, no matter which way I ran.
"You okay?"
I jerked my head up at the feminine voice that filled my ears, only to see Natalia, the girl from yesterday, sitting in the seat beside mine. In her hands, she held a small book, her glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose as she read.
Forcing my body to straighten up, a scowl formed on my lips, "What's it to you?"
She gave a small shrug of her shoulders, "You looked like you were hurt, so I thought I'd ask."
Dragging my seat out, I all but nearly collapsed in it, my body drained of all energy, "I'm not."
There always seemed to be some kind of a smile playing on her lips, like she knew something I didn't. It irked me to the point where simply looking at her made me blood boil. I could almost feel the happiness radiating off of her, piercing my skin like sharp needles.
"You shouldn't lie to yourself like that," Natalia hummed under her breath as she turned a page.
"Excuse me?" I scoffed, "What the hell are you talking about now?"
"If you keep lying to yourself like that, one day even you won't be able to distinguish the truth from the lie," she explained in a soft tone.
She peered over at me from the corner of her eye, only to make me squirm uncomfortably in my seat. It felt like she was gazing into my soul the longer she stared, as if she were assessing me. Unsure of what to do, I stared back, studying the way her dark eyelashes swept over her eyelid. I noticed the way they weren't unnaturally clumped, and instead cast shadows, like delicate threads of silk, across her cheeks.
"You get that from one of those shitty books you read?" I broke the silence, gesturing to her book.
"You'd be surprised by how much you can learn from reading," she countered, "You should try it sometime."
"What makes you think I don't read?" I retorted.
"Maybe you do, maybe you don't," she shrugged, "I don't want to judge. But just so you know, reading forms the bridge between misery and hope."
I raised a brow. "Do you think I'm miserable, or something?"
A smile tugged on her lips, "I never said that."
"You implied it though," I scowled.
"Implying and directly saying something aren't the same thing," Natalia pointed out, "It's not my fault if that was how you interpreted my words."
A quiet groan left my lips when my head began to throb harder. Like someone had taken a knife to my skull, the pain only intensified every few seconds before I had to lean forward, resting my head against the desk.
"You're after giving me a headache," I heaved a sigh. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed the pain to go away. I knew it wasn't her mysterious and slightly irritating ways of speaking that had brought it on, but the blow to the head I had received this morning.
"Do you want a painkiller?"
I poked an eye open to see Natalia offering me two small, white pills. There was a kindness in her smile, a gentleness that made me uncomfortable. She wore the smile of someone who laughed with ease.
But I knew, nothing ever came free in this world. Father had been the one to teach me that. Anything anyone offered you should be considered as a debt.
"No thanks," I declined after a moment. "I don't need it."
An unnatural frown creased her forehead, "You shouldn't deny yourself of what you need just because you think you have to be prideful or something."
"I'm not," I snapped, anger filling my tone, "I just don't need it, okay? Now shut up before you piss me off even more."
The flash of anger I felt protected me from the agonizing pain, and my body only demanded more of it. These were the times my brain fried up - and I knew I was in responsible for my own behavior but when that trigger inside of me was flicked, my emotions switched off with it. The urge to lash out at someone, anyone, was too strong to resist.
But how was I supposed to be kind, when I was never taught how?
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