Caed had avoided Arlo’s eyes for the rest of the evening. He could feel all of the anger and bitterness he had been holding in for the past four centuries pressing on his skin. They were all crammed into a small cave with an even smaller fire. Caedmon unwrapped the rest of the meat and handed the larger piece to the small girl. She gave him a small smile before dropping her eyes back to the fire.
“Are you feeling okay, Rowan?” Arlo asked her. “You’ve been very quiet this evening.”
Rowan fiddled with the cloth that her dinner sat on. “I almost got us all killed because I wasn’t quiet.” Her eyes filled with huge tears. “You’re both risking your lives for me and I can’t even be quiet when I need to.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Rowan. I should have known that was Egan’s mountain.” Caed said.
“B-but you had to give up your stone. And it was so pretty and special.” Rowan sobbed.
“It was just a stone.” Caed said nudging the small girl. “I’m glad to be rid of it. Your screaming did me a favor.”
Rowan gave a soft sad giggle. “Okay.” She said wiping her face on her sleeve.
Rowan was curled up in a corner of the cave with Arlo’s long grey robe wrapped around her like a blanket. Arlo was leaned against the wall of the cave. Caed tried his hardest to keep his eyes on the small fire, but Arlo leaned against the cave wall in his plain white tunic reminded Caed so much of how Arlo was before he became a mage.
“You’re staring at me.” Arlo said, still leaned against the wall of the cave, his soft eyes boring into Caed, his lips upturned into a half grin.
Caed dropped his eyes down to his arrows that he had been absentmindedly sharpening. “You can get that smug grin off your face now.” Caed added.
Arlo cocked his head to one side and seemed to contemplate saying something. “Caed... we can talk about it if you want to.”
“Talk about what?” Caedmon challenged finally meeting Arlo’s eyes.
Arlo shrunk back into himself, staring out the opening of the cave.
Caedmon went back to sharpening his arrows. He knew exactly what Arlo wanted to talk about, but Caed was stubborn and wanted Arlo to have to be the first to bring it up. He looked back up to the other faery who was still staring out the cave.
Droplets of rain started pelting the ground, slowly at first and then they came down all at once. Arlo scooted further into the cave to avoid the rain splashing him. Caed watched him. The small fire caught the lighter lavenders in his eyes.
“You stopped writing.” Caed finally said despite himself.
Arlo look over to Caed. “I know. I had just entered into my century of silence.”
“I had just received a hunter commendation, Arlo. I had just been demoted to the lowest of faeries, and you couldn’t even write to me?”
“I couldn’t, Caed. I had taken a vow of silence. I wasn’t allowed to speak or write to anyone or fly or leave the inner rim for one hundred years.” Arlo said trying to keep his voice low.
“You left me at the gate of the inner rim...” Caed said.
Arlo sighed, “Caed, I could do nothing. You put me in an impossible position. I hated leaving you there!”
“And what about after that?” Caed asked.
Arlo stopped and stared almost dumbfounded by Caed’s question.
“It’s been four centuries Arlo. You’ve had over three hundred years since your vow of silence to reach out to me and you haven’t once.” Caed whispered.
“I didn’t think you’d want me to reach out after everything.” Arlo responded.
“That’s a weak excuse and you know it. You thought less of me once I became a hunter.” Caed said.
“That’s not true.” Arlo retorted.
“Yes it is!” Caed raised his voice. They both silently looked towards the girl who didn’t seem to wake up. “You never reached out, you never thought to write a letter to me, you never thought to do anything.”
“If you hated the hunter commendation why not—“ Arlo shut his mouth, biting down on his lip at the foolishness.
“You know better than I do that no one refuses a commendation from the high council.”
“I know that. I’m sorry for saying that.” Arlo fiddled with the end of his tunic. “I... I didn’t know how to approach you after everything. After your last letter, I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt. The vows of the mage are binding, and...” Arlo bit at his lip and sighed. “I didn’t really know how fit you into my life after that.”
Caed scoffed and rolled his eyes, leaning against the other end of the cave.
“You don’t understand what it’s like, Caed. You don’t understand how demanding the mage commendation is. None of my time is my own. My life isn’t my own.”
“Are you trying to convince me of the struggles you have?” Caedmon responded. “You live in the inner rim, you have a little servant to answer your every request. You don’t have to question where your meals come from, you don’t have to fear for your safety or your life within the realm. Everyone hates the hunters. Outside the realm other beings hate hunters because they hate faeries. I live in a hut smaller than the one I grew up in as a common faery. Sentries spit on me as I pass. Mages look the other way. You look the other way.”
“I do not.” Arlo tried to argue.
“You do! You don’t want the high council to know that you ever had anything to do with a lowly hunter.”
“Caed! It was never about that!” Arlo yelled.
The girl stirred and blinked her big eyes open. “Are you fighting?” she said groggily.
“It’s nothing, Rowan. Go back to sleep.” Arlo soothed. She nodded and turned away.
They were silent for a while afterwards. Caed stared down at his own roughed hands. It had been centuries since his hands had felt soft to the touch, and he wondered if his skin had ever been as soft as the faery sitting across from him now. Had his skin ever shown in the moonlight like Arlo’s did. Had his features ever looked that delicate. Caed couldn’t remember now.
“Was it ever real to you?” He asked. He hated that he wanted to know even after all of these years. He hated that over everything else, the thing that kept Caedmon awake at night was this.
Arlo looked to Caed. He said nothing at first. “How could you even ask that?” He finally said, his eyes showing the betrayal he felt.
Caed refused to look away from his gaze. “You didn’t answer.”
“It was always real to me, Caedmon.” Arlo whispered.
Caed clasped his hands together tightly before crossing his arms across himself and turning away to stare out at the rain pouring outside.
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