The next day was a day off from my job. I didn’t know what to do with myself on my days off. I had no friends to visit, no pets to feed, no girlfriend or boyfriend to love…
I choked back a sob. No Lyle to hang out with.
I clutched my head in my hands. I missed him so much. I could only hope that he was doing well, but I knew that there were always staff members who were willing to abuse younger shells. I would do anything to rescue him from that environment. I had so many ugly, foul, memories of being abused, myself. Memories that wrapped my brain in their spindly web and refused to let it think anything else.
A different memory cut through the webs, however. A memory of Milo resting his head on Melissa’s chest late at night, falling asleep while they watched an old, romantic movie together.
I pressed my fingers into the temples on my head with half-lidded eyes, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I inched off my bed, stood up, and grabbed my flip phone off my desk, dialing Melissa’s number. I leaned against the wall and felt my throat becoming dry. I didn’t know what I would say to her, I just knew that I needed someone to talk to.
“Kay?” Melissa said. “What is it?”
I gulped, my throat constricting. “Can we meet for lunch today?
Melissa exclaimed, “Of course! How about we meet at Small Bean later?”
I grinned. “That sounds fantastic--I mean, if you’re not busy.”
“I’m never too busy for you. I can’t wait to see you.” Her voice dripped with desire.
The idea that I, of all people, could inspire such a craving in another person made me feel like a creature that was not only above shells, but above humans, too.
“At noon?” I confirmed.
“At noon.” She repeated.
I hung up and then looked at the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand beside my bed.
Nine AM. I thought to myself. I hopped in the shower, scrubbing my hair furiously with shampoo and conditioner and then lathering my body with soap. I toweled off after my shower and then headed out my apartment door. Because I had so much time before our lunch date, I decided to go shopping for presents for Melissa. I pulled on a jacket as I ran down the apartment complex stairs, heading to my car.
I drove to a nearby shopping strip, glad that my therapist had shown me where the strip was the week before. I struggled to find a good place to park for about thirty minutes, feeling sweaty with stress the whole time, and then I finally gave up and parked on one of the cramped, narrow streets, hoping that was okay. I clambered out of my car.
I began walking down the sidewalk, looking for any interesting shops to enter.
I wonder what Melissa would like…? I walked by a toy shop, intending not to go in since I knew that Melissa wouldn’t be into toys, but…
I grinned. I would be into toys, and it would be a good reward for a hard week’s work. I popped into the colorful store titled, Mr. Mcpherson’s Toys, and my mouth went slack at all the vibrant colors inside. It was a small space--just one room with shelves in the windows holding charming, stylized, romantic statues for the adults who were shopping with their children. Upon the white shelves in the center of the store, there were rows and rows of flamboyant toys, just begging for me to take them home. I approached the shelves with trembling, eager hands.
One of the employees strode to my side when he saw me eying one of the sparkly, plush narwhals. “Is there anything I can help you with? Anything you’re looking for?”
The man was standing behind me, and I spun around to face him. I was expecting his face to fall when he realized I was a shell, but it didn’t. He wore a helpful smile on his face. I smiled at him, too. He was wearing a cheerful, striped apron that could make even Dr. Green smile.
“I was just browsing, but I was wondering if there was anything in here that would be appropriate for a girlfriend?” I asked the man.
He stroked his chin. “Well, the store isn’t really catering to adult women, but... Is your girl a girly girl or a tough girl?”
I wished I knew. I couldn’t remember. I looked down at my brown shoes, rubbing my temples.
The carpet was bright red with blue stripes. It seemed somehow familiar.
When I looked up, intending to tell the man what kind of girl Melissa was, I came face-to-face with Melissa herself instead. She shone with the same, golden light she had when she had stood in my doorway the day before.
She was wearing a flowing, white dress that flared at the hips. She grabbed my wrist, dragging me toward the back of the store where a giant, multi-colored, plush dragon sat on the top shelf of the last row.
“I would like this one for my birthday!” Melissa exclaimed.
Looking through Milo’s eyes, I thought that Melissa and the dragon complimented each other nicely. Ferocious, yet soft and vibrant.
I snapped back to reality and said to the employee, “She’s a ferocious, soft woman.”
The employee tapped his foot and stroked his chin thoughtfully. He held up a finger. “I think I have just the thing.”
The employee led me to the shelf furthest on the right. On the middle of the shelf, there lay a hard looking, black bat wearing a billowy, white dress. My face lit up. “It’s perfect!”
I purchased the bat and realized that I had very little money to spend as I did so. Oh no… I haven’t been budgeting like my therapist helped me do.
Up until now, I had no reason to budget. I was a man of few needs and had nothing to spend my money on other than rent and food. As I inserted my credit card into the POA system and then retrieved it when the machine told me to, I thought to myself, I wonder if I’ll have enough to pay for lunch….
The cashier handed me my receipt and I stuck it in the brown, paper bag along with the bat. When I was outside, I walked along the sidewalk for a time with my hands in my pockets. There were many things that upset me--the foremost one always being Lyle, and my inability to adopt him--but money had never been one until now.
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