Dante rounded up all his lawyers so that they could settle the paperwork needed for Iris' financial freedom. He got a bullring of lawyers for her, too.
"It'll be like a divorce settlement without the marriage!" she chirped as they sat down. Dante laughed.
They held the meeting in Dante's grand dining room so that there would be enough chairs for everyone.
"Shall I prepare a feast, sir?" asked Otto, chomping at the bit. Serving Dante had been such a boring affair, leaving Otto feeling severely under-utilized.
"Otto, it's a meeting not a party." said Dante, "just put out some coffee and biscotti."
"Aha! I have a wonderful recipe for pistachio biscotti that will--"
"Can't you just go to the store and buy some?"
Otto gasped in horror. "Sir!" he cried, "store-bought biscotti?"
"Fine, fine, whatever, make your goddamn pistachio biscotti."
With that, Otto skipped happily to the kitchen and went to work on his recipe.
"Alright," announced Dante, "let's start the meeting."
His lawyers lays out folders of all the documents pertaining his assets. There were so many of them that if Iris chose to take half, they could both live like royalty. Dante sits back and lights a cigarette.
"Go ahead, pick what you want." he says. Her eyes go wide.
"All of this feels desperately illegal."
"Oh no, madam. We make sure that everything is perfectly within the legal limits." says one of Dante's lawyers.
"Within the legal limits?" she repeats, raising an eyebrow towards Dante.
"I pay my lawyers well." he says.
Iris scoffs and starts to read through the documents. Each more surprising than the ones before.
"It says here that you have a private jet." she says, laughing, "a private jet? You can't just fly business class?"
Dante jokingly makes a face. "And mingle with pedestrians?"
Iris falls back on her seat, roaring with laughter.
"I bet you have a yacht too, don't you?"
"Nah, no yachts. I'm not big on boats."
"You get seasick?" she teases.
"No," he defends, "I just think they're pointless. I like things that go fast."
"I like those too." says Iris, "can I take the jet?"
"Go ahead. I have two."
Iris chuckles and continues through the documents. She pushes the ones about various investments, company shares, and liquid assets towards Dante.
"You go and sort out the boring stuff for me." she says.
He obliges and starts instructing his lawyers on the division, while Iris went on to look at the rest of the documents on the table. A particular folder catches her eye.
"Aaaah!" she shrieks, grasping said folder in her hands, "you have an apartment in Paris!"
"Not just any apartment," says one of Dante's lawyers, "it's in one of the Hotels des Marechaux, in the Place de l'Etoile. You wake up and see l'Arc de Triomphe and the Eiffel tower outside your window."
"There should be pictures of the apartment in the folder." says Dante. Iris quickly flips through to find them. Once she did, she squeals in absolute giddy delight and clutches the document against her chest.
"It's gorgeous! I love it!" she yells, "please, please! Can it be mine?"
Dante rubs his chin and frowns. "Well...I don't know..."
She smacks him on the shoulder. He laughs.
"Of course you can. I knew you'd like it."
"Ooh, I can live like Marie-Antoinette in my own little Versailles in the heart of Paris." she swoons dreamily.
"Watch out for your head." quips Dante.
The scent of fresh coffee wafts into the room, announcing Otto's appearance with a tray of coffee and homemade biscotti. He sets it down and begins to serve everyone on the table one by one.
"Otto, this biscotti is to die for." says Iris, nibbling on one.
"Thank you, madam." says the butler, throwing a quick sideways glance at Dante, who retorts by rolling his eyes.
"Don't you want to come and live with me in Paris, Otto darling?" purrs Iris.
"Your offer is very kind, madam, but I shall have to respectfully decline. My place is here with Master Dante."
Iris turns to Dante and pouts.
"No, Iris." he says.
"Ugh, fine. But take him with you when you visit me in Paris." she demands.
"Hm?" Dante looks surprised to hear what she had just said, "I'm visiting you in Paris?"
"Yes you are." she says, then promptly turns to her lawyers, "put it down somewhere as a mandatory. Go on, write it down." she commands. One of them immediately takes out a pen and Iris starts to dictate.
"He will visit me in Paris once a year. And that the visit is of a--decidedly conjugal nature."
The lawyers clear their throats in unison. Dante throws his head back and laughs.
"Should we set a specific date for the visit?" asks the lawyer writing. Iris crosses her arms and thinks for a bit.
"Halloween." she decides, "yes, every Halloween."
"Why Halloween?" asks Dante.
"It could be like our very own Valentine's Day. Fitting for a couple of ghouls like us, wouldn't you say?"
"Oh, I like that." he says, "I like that a lot."
"And besides, it would give me an excuse to wear some kind of costume." she adds with a wink.
The lawyers clear their throats again, louder than before.
"Actually," says Dante, leaning towards the writing lawyer, "put a clause on there to make sure that she does."
"Shall I crack open a window to let the steam out of the room, sir?" asks Otto, trying not to laugh, "the heat seems to be stifling the lawyers."
"Y-yes, well, uh, ahem, would you both like to sign this right now or shall I have it typed up?" asks the writing lawyer, blushing all the way to his ears.
"Let's just sign it now, I'd like to be in Paris by tonight." says Iris. She takes the pen from the lawyer's hands, but stops just short from signing.
"It just occured to me that I don't have a last name." she says.
"What's your last name?" she asks Dante.
"Blackwater."
"Then I'll be Whitefire." Iris decides on the spot, "if I know one thing about you, it's that I'm your total opposite."
"Maybe that's why I'm attracted to you." Dante says playfully.
"No, obviously it's because I'm devastatingly hot."
"Well that part is true."
"Oh shut the fuck up and sign the damn thing."
He goes and signs his name in thin, sharp strokes while she does hers in indulgently long, looping cursive. To end, Iris swipes on a bit of lipstick and plants a kiss on the contract as her way of sealing it.
With that, she gets up from her seat, marking the end of their meeting. Their sans marriage divorce settlement.
"Au revoir! I'm off to Paris!" she chirps.
"I'll start packing your things right away, madam." says Otto.
"Who needs to pack? It's Paris! I'll buy my clothes there!"
"Ah, of course. How silly of me."
"You don't want to bring the clothes I bought for you?" asks Dante.
"I'm leaving them here so I'll have something to wear when I visit."
"I thought I'll be the one visiting you?"
She doesn't answer the question. Instead, she blows him a kiss and then disappears out the door. Not even throwing on a coat.
Dante sighs and shakes his head. "Sometimes she confuses the hell out of me." he says.
"Nothing to be confused about, sir. She's just marking her territory for the other girls." Otto says with a chuckle, "such is the nature of a lioness."
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