People changed. Life still went on.
I slid the gun in my purse and slipped on my denim jacket. I liked having the weapon on hand so I would be ready for anything the night might bring. Lacing up my pastel pink converse, I made sure to conceal the knife attached to the holster on my ankle. Better safe than sorry.
Adam wouldn’t be there for another ten minutes or so. I paced around my living room, shivering as I checked the thermostat. How could it be so cold when the heat was set at seventy-seven degrees? It was Valentine’s day. I should’ve been more excited for the date Adam planned for us, but I couldn’t stop worrying over how he’d react to the news I needed to tell him. It was my fault for being so careless with the birth control pills.
I knew having a baby would change our lives so much, and I wasn’t even sure if I would be a good mother. Like, what if I dropped the baby on its head? Or, what if I forgot to feed him? (A weird instinct told me he was a boy) I knew diddly squat about taking care of babies.
Telling Adam was my first priority. Telling my family came next. By golly, I feared how my big brother would react. Just thinking about it gave me a migraine. I considered being funny and buying him a cake that read: Congrats! You’re an uncle! Who could be upset when they had cake?
While waiting for Adam to arrive, I Facetimed my best friend, Layla. Talking to her would help calm my nerves. She was the only person who knew about the pregnancy. She’d been so supportive and even offered to drive me to a clinic for an abortion if I felt like I couldn’t handle being a mother so young. Terminating never even crossed my mind. I already loved my unborn baby so much, despite how much it scared me to imagine giving birth.
“Hey girl.” Layla’s pretty face popped up on the screen. The shimmery pink eyeshadow and black eyeliner looked so cool on her. Her curly light brown hair blew in the wind from wherever she stood outside. “Aren’t you supposed to be going on a date with Adam tonight?”
“Yeah, he’s not here yet.” I gripped my iPhone tightly. “I’m scared to tell him. What if he doesn’t want kids? What if he wants nothing to do with our baby and breaks up with me? We’ve never talked about it before. I don’t know how I’d raise a baby by myself...”
“Whether or not Adam wants to be a part of your baby’s life doesn’t mean you’ll be alone. I’ll always be there for you. And you have your family too. I know they’ll help out as much as they can,” Layla replied. “But I’m sure he’ll be happy to be a dad. He loves you so much.”
“You’re right. Thanks for letting me ramble. It helped a lot,” I told her.
“No problem. What are friends for?” Layla grinned. “Did Adam ever tell you where he was taking you?”
“The aquarium. He has a friend who works there that let him borrow the key.” My phone buzzed with a text. “He’s almost here. I’ll text you later tonight to tell you how it went.”
“Have fun!” She beamed.
“I will.”
I ended the video call and flipped the porch light on before stepping outside, shivering against the bitter winter wind. I still had my festive Christmas wreath out and my snowman stickers on the screen door despite it being February. I shook an old Folgers coffee canister full of cat food, alerting the strays I fed on our block that dinner was ready. Two orange tabbies poked their heads out and meowed from the makeshift beds I made them with plastic tubs under my porch.
After feeding the stays, I gave them some warm water in the Cool Whip bowl. A new striped gray cat made his appearance known by hissing at me. He stayed away from my two regulars, Cleo and Ollie, who gobbled up their food. I pet both of them before getting back inside before I froze to death out there. Icicles would start forming in my hair and lashes if I dawdled.
The first night Adam dropped by my house after a date, one of the stays popped out from the shadows and he accidentally stepped on its tail. When the cat hissed and scratched his leg, it scared him to death. He swore a demon got him. I’d never heard a grown man scream like that before. It tickled me pink just remembering that night. Who would’ve guessed a small animal could scare such a tough-looking cop?
Stars filled the pitch black sky, and I couldn’t resist making a wish on one. Emmett and I used to do it all the time when we were kids. Mom told us never to tell our wish because it would never come true, but we usually told each other what we wished for anyway. Last time we wished on a star together, we asked for a better place to live.
Then we ended up in shithole New Syracuse. Stupid stars.
With my wish made, I reclined back and grinned. Having a baby scared me, but at the same time it excited me. I could already imagine his cute little smile and tiny fingers wrapping around my own. I would protect that precious little bundle of joy and spoil him rotten. I would make sure he never felt unloved.
Headlights from a familiar blue Chevy truck flashed in my eyes. My boyfriend pulled up in the driveway and parked. I hurried over to him as he climbed out.
“Well, don’t you just look cute as a button.” Adam pulled me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “Are you ready for tonight?”
“You sure we’re allowed to do this?” I asked.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Don’t worry. I got a friend who works there out of a speeding ticket for letting me do this tonight. You didn’t think I’d break the law now, did you, dear?”
“With you, anything’s possible.”
The cold was numbing, so I hurried into the passenger seat of Adam’s truck. It smelled strongly of cherries from his car freshener. His cup holder brimmed with candy wrappers and change scattered all across the floor. Thankfully, it was warm inside.
Adam adjusted his mirror. “So, I arrested a grown ass man in a diaper who thought he was cupid today.”
“Seriously? Can’t say I’m surprised. This town is full of crazies.”
“He was taking that new drug, Cupid’s Jizz,” he said. “You heard of it?”
“Emmett mentioned something about it before. I don’t know much. Ain’t it something like Coke and Viagra?” I asked.
“Wanna find out?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Kidding. I’d rather us not fuck our bodies up with that shit.”
“You know I don’t mess with drugs,” I told him. “I saw how that stuff’s destroyed my brother. I never want to put myself through that.”
“How’s Emmett doing anyway?”
“Better. I just wish overdosing scared him as much as it does me.” I sighed. “That artist, Kaz really has him hooked around his little finger. It’s been a long time since I seen Emmett really happy. I just wish they could both get clean together.”
“That was a close call before, you know. I thought he was a goner for sure.”
“It scares me, Adam. I know someday I’ll wake up and find him dead. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when that happens.”
We’d been through thick and thin together. As our mother used to say, we were two peas in a pod. We had our share of sibling squabbles, but I loved the asswipe. It broke my heart because there wasn’t much I could do, except try to keep him alive. I knew he hurt so much inside. People didn’t abuse cocaine because they loved their life.
“Get him into a rehab center,” Adam suggested.
“You think I haven’t tried?”
Emmett abused the needle to try to stitch his sanity back together. He tried to run away from me for awhile and hid his agony. Before the gang started, my brother sunk so low he nearly buried himself alive in his pain. I found him in some sleazy motel high and drunk, barely able to pronounce his own name one time.
“Try to have him involuntarily committed,” Adam said. “I could always put in a good word too and tell them how many times I’ve had to revive him.”
“When he’d get back out, he’d just use again. Emmett doesn’t like to be controlled. Anyone who tries to control him, terrifies him. If anything, he’d escape the place or burn it to the ground. When my brother gets scared, he hurts people to defend himself.”
“I know how junkies are,” Adam said. “Archie’s one too, remember? But we forced his ass to get help. He still relapses, but he’ll get right back on track. I think he might’ve fallen back down that path again though. We haven’t heard much from him lately. He just sends me and Momma texts sometimes to ensure us he hasn’t OD’ed somewhere again.”
“It sucks watching the people we care about hurt themselves like that.” I fiddled with the crescent moon necklace around my neck. “I wish there were more ways we could help them.”
“I know. Me too. Having Archie involuntarily committed helped him a lot before. He realized it was possible to live life clean,” Adam explained. “I’m gonna see if maybe we could do it again. If you change your mind about Emmett, let me know and I’ll help get him into the place Archie went to in Colorado.”
“I’ll consider it.”
I knew my brother had a problem, but forcing him into treatment against his will would solve nothing. It would trigger his instinct to lash out. I always knew if he got caught, I’d take the fall for him. The thought of being locked up scared me more than anything, but I knew Emmett couldn’t survive in a cell.
“Enough of that depressive talk. Tonight is about us.” My boyfriend pulled into the parking lot.
Neon blue lights illuminated the aquarium’s sign. Despite how much he hated Valentine’s day, he still made sure to do something special for me. I never thought I would fall in love with a cop. Cops used to mean bad news before I got together with Adam. In retrospect, it usually had something to do with my brother fighting.
I hugged him around the hips. “I love you so much.”
He cracked a smile and leaned over to kiss me before adjusting his favorite cowboy hat. I bought it for him for his birthday after his last one got damaged by a disgruntled old woman who’s precious cow he almost ran into. Fortunately, he moo-ved out of the way in time.
“I love you too, darling.”
Comments (10)
See all