Before I can explain what I would call the lowest point of my life, I must tell you the uninhabited things I went through to put me where I am today. To be honest, I don't feel like telling you my life story., this isn't an autobiography about my life. It's about all of us. I don't know why people ask me about my life. I'm the guy who always has something going on in my life. But why bother asking when you will not believe what I have to say. My life so to speak is one giant black hole. Basically, it sucks; the living life out of me, and those around me. But since I have your attention, let's talk about where it all started. My birthday party. See, my girlfriend likes to exaggerate the story. A LOT. Here's her side of the story. Since I don't feel like doing it...
The doorbell had ringed nonstop until someone went to open it for you. Too many false alarms for me to care anymore. "Look everyone, Winter's here for is party. How polite you showed up...
Twenty minutes late." I was already gone by then. Lost in my red cup. When you saw me, you had this ugly look of surprise on your face as though I was to care. You caused this. "What, you never seen a drunk person before?" I didn't think you wanted me to see me like this. I didn't want to see myself like this. You were embarrassed they wrote it all over your face. I will dance with you, with your little green tux with a bow tie. So cute. Me? I was wearing a messed up party dress with stains of spilled wine. I reeked of alcohol and despair. If only you had been here hours ago. All the magic had worn off at the strike of 12. I ran up the stairs hurt and anger. Poor child, I miss you too. I had to go to a party. Don't you remember? Oh. I guess you didn't because you didn't get an invitation. It was your party and you didn't see me. Anyway, see you soon. As soon as the last person leaves, I'll be on my way. On my way to see you Mr. McKnight. Just wait... I'll be knocking at your door giving you that hug you've always wanted. I'll make you proud; you'll be head over heels. Just be patient. Your reward will be to die for. I'll be there before you could name all fifty states and their capitals in under 2 minutes! I know I seem young but hey, that or play the knife game until I come home. Either way, you'll learn something. I'm on the way home now. This night looks weird I'll call you when I get home. Wait? What is that? Please! Help! No! No! Get away you maniac! No! I'm on the road lying down crying. He's gonna run me over with his pickup truck. No! It's Wyman. That maniac. Somebody help!!!! I'm so dizzy, everything is spinning around me. I feel like... I think I might pass out. No, no I can't pass out. I'll lie down on the floor to save my energy. This'll do, for now. But everything is still spinning. No matter, somebody will find me soon and then everything'll be alright.
I don't think my life with you wasn't good beforehand though. Honestly you were just a snob. You would always talk about how great you were. Boy was that annoying. You were saying things like, "I'm the best thing that ever lived." I feel bad for you though. At least you tried to do something. The only thing you didn't do was take me to Denny's. When you did, you tried to pay for the bill; but the only thing you had with you was your dad's credit card. $25 was on it I believe. You tried to be all impressed with the waiter bragging about you having the money to pay for all of our food but in reality you could only pay for yours because yours was over like $15 or something. What a snob. Honestly I think you were trying to be brave but sadly you work harder on yourself. Guess what? It failed.
Now I'm a dead girl. You? A lousy little know it all piece of shit.
Any who, now that she's done; let's get started; shall we?
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