Its been two years.
Azrael told me that Amon would still be out there lurking. Sniffing out new victims. However, it was warned that I may still be a target. I'm still angry... after everything, but that's not the point. The point is that I know how to choose my battles now. I spent so much of my life fighting everyone when I was really just fighting myself.
I was weak.
It felt so damn good while it lasted though and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I also had fun. I'll never do it again, but it was a huge stress reliever; listening to Aron or Amon or whatever. I'm definitely never calling him Satan. To find out Lucifer and Satan are separate entities was enough to make me question everything we are taught about evil in sermons.
Speaking of sermons, looks like it's almost done. One last prayer and I'll go back home and rest. Today was busy and I'm still trying to repay the church, the Cathedral of Virtue, for everything they've done to help me. They covered my hospital bill, they helped me legally obtain a decent amount of my mother wealth despite me being written out of the will, and I have friends... which is new, but it gives such a good feeling. Maybe I can call it happiness. I wouldn't know, though.
The archangel Azrael has occasionally stopped by to visit me and at this rate I guess we are pretty good friends now. Even though Azrael is male, he likes to use female vessels. He claims that gender is very complicated for angels. Since he's in a woman's body, his gender has changed. Once he's outside the body, he returns to male. Apparently, angels are very loose when it comes to gender identity since technically they have no intended gender to start with. I guess the correct term is that's he's mostly male.
I still have plenty of more questions, but I learn more about heaven and hell with every visit. Am I the only human who knows this much? Impossible. Obviously others know or have met Azrael and Amon. Actually, if Amon shows himself who is to say the other six sins aren't doing what he's doing? Maybe I've already seen them but ignored them or they didn't target me because I only fit the angry department. I mean, Envy could of shown up. I was a little jealous of my mom and how I couldn't be like her. I guess it's whatever is my driving force or my major temptation.
The walk home is short; it's about ten minutes. Close to the church is a newly built apartment complex and it's so nice I honestly couldn't see myself living there at first. I've changed slowly over time and I guess I've adapted to my surroundings. I washed the red out of my hair in about a month starting from when I first joined the church. My natural, straight dark brown hair has gotten many compliments and I've even been complimented by this cute guy named Zach. I'm having fun flirting with him. I had to learn how to flirt from my friend Alice.
I remember two years ago when Aron told me that I was blind and that I need to learn what flirting is. I still can't believe how unaffected I was by him and his presence. He was a stranger, but oddly enough felt like a manipulative friend rather than an anger hungry demon. He tried to seduce me, I remember it like it was hours ago. Back then, I was so deep in my blind rage that I barely acknowledged his attempts to also manipulate me romantically. It's not his area of expertise. Lust would have found some kind of way to make me fall for them even if it was a girl body being used. At least, that's my interpretation of his or her seductive effectiveness.
I don't even want to know what could happen if he decides to come back and finish me off out of spite. He likes revenge. He likes hating someone. It gives him an excuse to lash out. Even though he probably has a long shit list, I know I'm probably top 5. Once again, this is my view on him based on what he's shown me. I may be wrong. I don't want to find out.
I'm about to throw myself on the sofa when I hear a few knocks on the door. I lazily drag myself towards it and ask who it is.
"It's Zach."
What is he doing here? I've only ever brought him here once and it was because we were walking by my house on our way to get lunch, but I had to use the bathroom. That was about three weeks ago.
I open the door with a friendly smile. "Hey! What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to hang out. Plus, I realized I didn't have your number to call, so I thought I'd come over now and see if you were free." His brown eyes are excited and he clearly is looking forward to spending time with me since it's been a few weeks.
I shrug. "I don't know. I'm not doing anything so I'm down to hang out. Had anything in mind?"
Zach looks off to the side and folds his arms. Suddenly, his eyes light up as if he has an idea. "I know. There's this fairly new night club that opens at 8pm. Wanna go around 9 and leave around midnight or one?"
I smirk. "Look at you. Church boy wants to go to the club and get wasted. You need me there to monitor you. I'll show you which drinks to order and I'll show you how to not be a creep."
"What? I'm not a creep. I'll have you know I have a way with words."
"Uh huh. Sure. Anyway, are you sure that you wanna go with me? What if people start to get the wrong idea about us?" I tease.
He walks over to the couch and gets comfortable. "Wait. We aren't dating?" He jokingly feigns disbelief.
I laugh. "You're funny. I actually wouldn't mind."
His eyebrows raise. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. When I get to know you better, and if I like you. Truly like you. I might consider. You are pretty cute."
"What makes you think I like you like that?"
"Wait. So you went out of your way to hang out with me, and you compliment me every Sunday at church. I know a crush when I see one. Two years of complimenting and sitting next to me. If you're in love with me just tell me." I walk over and sit next to him. I lean in close.
"I might be... just a little bit... infatuated." He starts to lean in to kiss me.
Suddenly, I am hit with panic. I've never --wait. Yes I have. Aron kissed me. It was quick, but still. What am I doing thinking about him? That kiss was empty and meaningless and it happened two years ago.
"Are you no longer in the mood?" Zach asks.
I snap back to see Zach looking at my lips desperately.
"I'm... uh... I just got nervous all of a sudden."
"Oh. Too fast? We don't have to do anything unless you're comfortable."
I am comfortable it's just...
"Yeah. Let's take a breather. We are definitely still going to the club so best look sexy." I wink.
"Same goes for you." He stands up and heads towards the door. "As always I enjoy your company. I'll be back tonight at 8. Later."
"Later." I wave before he leaves.
I smile and walk into my bedroom. I plop on my bed and use my feet to tug my shoes off. The summer heat was obvious in the bedroom because the air vents are smaller in the rooms than the living room and kitchen. The heat makes me want to change into something less hot. A thin, red spaghetti strap and black, knee length gym shorts. I turn on the ceiling fan. Feeling a bit cooler, I walk over to the living room to turn that ceiling fan on too.
But someone is on my sofa.
"Patricia. Good to see you again. Sorry for popping in at random. I usually knock. However, I want to talk about something." Azrael leans on the arm of the sofa and gently runs a hand down her hair. I swear he loves being a blonde. He's probably blonde in his true form. I've seen him use this girl a decent amount of times. Probably a neighbor of mine.
I lean against the wall. "No need to knock. We're friends. So what's up?"
Azrael crosses her legs. "I have been sensing Amon around this area."
"Are you serious? How long?" I stare at the ground remembering when the house shook and the chandelier almost fell on me.
"Please. Try not to think about that and don't you dare fear him. Demons like to be feared. It motivates them."
"I know! But I'm still scared. He almost killed me. Was I scared of him before? Only when he reminded me he wasn't human. And even then, I was more startled than scared. But looking back at it, I should have been scared. I was never safe with him. The moment I felt true fear was when he sent the chandelier to crush and stab me. I don't know why he didn't scare me before."
Azrael gets up and walks up to fully face me. "The vessel. It unconsciously distracted you. That's kinda why he chose it. Visually, he wants to be a trap. Also, he isn't very good at being sympathetic, but he can do the facial expressions. He doesn't look scary does he? Everything you find attractive about him is to help make you forget you're talking to a demon. Why would he want you to be scared? How was he supposed to manipulate you if you were thinking logically?"
I scoff. "Please. I wasn't even focused on his looks. I noticed and I took it all in, but I never felt physically attracted to him."
I wish I could smack the smirk of Azrael's face. "Sweetie. Don't lie to me. He made you blush that one night at the park. I respect that physical attraction doesn't distract you, though. You easily ignored it. One thing I never understood. What made him want to use a romantic underlined approach? Clearly he didn't know what he was doing. It was a bit sloppy. Trying to copy his sibling, Lust."
I laugh at this. "Copy? He's Wrath. He should stick to what he knows. I mean I know he didn't care about me, but he did seem intrigued. And in turn, that kept me intrigued."
"And there it is, Patricia. You said it. You were intrigued. It was your downfall. Not to mention you got comfortable and was constantly being motivated and supported. Most demons don't reveal themselves so early. Why? He normally doesn't find prey this way. With you he tried it different and it nearly worked and fast."
This is bringing all the memories back. I want to forget them. It just reminds me of how stupid I was.
"You miss him? I don't understand why. Has he influenced you that much? I thought you would be more infatuated with Zach."
"Shut up!" I snap. "Fuck that shit. I don't miss anyone from my past. Not even my mother. I'm so happy to spend time with my new friends and to do better for myself. So don't. You. Dare. Read me the wrong way. Whatever you saw in my mind was not any sort of attachment to Amon, I assure you."
I walk over to the front door and open it. "Doesn't matter how long he's been around here. Unless he's still using the same vessel, I wouldn't even notice him. And besides, I'm useless to him now. I have nothing to fear. He's not here for me. He's finding a new victim which means he's no longer my problem. However as always, he's your problem. Forever. Go deal with him instead of trying to psychoanalyze me. Go save another life. Go on. Leave me alone." I gesture for Azrael to leave.
Azrael sends me a disappointed look. "You lost your patience with me, the embodiment of Patience. Yeah, you know what? I'll let you cool off. But remember that the only reason he was drawn to you was because you use to not have any patience. So I suggest you hurry to regain it or else it's not just my problem anymore. Watch yourself." With that, she walks out the door and I close it behind her.
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