Before I could react, before I could even think. His hand was at the back of my head and he brought me down against him his lips pressing against mine with a burning intensity. But he didn't know what he had done, what he was doing. I shoved at his chest as it felt like a bolt of electricity shot through my entire body. I felt my fire burning and dancing, rejoicing at having finally made a connection to someone after hundreds, thousands, of years of being alone. I felt the tingling of smaller lightning bolts shooting between us, traveling between my lips to his. I punched his chest but he seemed completely oblivious so I released my wings and with a powerful thrust ripped myself out of his grasp. The pitcher and glasses shattered from the force of my wings and I stepped shakily away from him, my hand to my lips as I looked at him.
"What have you done..." I gasped. Everything I was trying to avoid, to avoid getting him involved, everything was shattered effortlessly by him. I lifted my hand to my head and tangled my fingers into my hair unable to focus on anything I closed my eyes as my body felt like it was burning from the inside, but this wasn't from my fire. This was the sensation of our connection being sealed, of our souls become bound together. Guardians could form only one connection in their lifetime a connection that was so strong nothing could come between them, they were loyal for life. It was always described as an irresistible fate but I was resisting, how could I tie him to me? Once connected a guardian cannot physically stray too far from their other half without feeling weakened. But once I finished taking care of the dangers threatening him and Kristy I had no intention of seeing him again. Humans should live their lives unhindered by the likes of me.
"You're crying!" my eyes snapped open when I realized his whispered words were so close. I instinctively tried to step backwards but my back was already pressed to the wall. He was standing right in front of me, once again I didn't detect his movements. Reaching towards me he delicately touched my cheeks as if I would shatter underneath his fingers.
"I am so sorry!" He croaked in a vulnerable voice. I reached up and touched my cheek and realized they were indeed wet. When was the last time I had cried? I recalled the painting in the library. I looked at Nathan who looked like the world was shattering around him.
"I thought..." he cut himself off, "I'm sorry... I forced it," he raked his fingers through his hair and looked tattered. I wanted to reassure him but the soft patter of feet stole my attention as Olivia burst through the door. Nathan spun around and turned his back towards us and faced the wall, obviously trying to regain his composure. Upon seeing my tear-stricken face Olivia froze and looked at Nathan then back at me.
"Homme méchant?" she asked in French. I looked to Nathan's broad shoulders and found myself craving his touch again, the connection bonds beginning to form.
"Non, ma petit fleur, c'est un homme extraordinaire." I said, letting her know that he was an amazing man, not a dangerous one like she had asked. She looked at him dubiously before returning to wrap her arms around my neck. She closed her eyes and held me tightly.
I had found Olivia in a dank alley in the heart of Paris, she had been living on scraps that she found and foraging through trash and only came out at night when there was less chance of being caught. She had refused to speak to me and I had spent months gaining her trust. I had looked for her parents but had found that they had died in a car accident. After which, with no living relatives, she had been placed with a foster family who had mistreated her until she ran away, so after some time and trust I asked if she had wanted to come to the orphanage.
"Olivia," I looked up and saw Maria, the onsite doctor, who had pulled the bullet out of me, "I told you to leave her alone to rest. I saw that Maria's hand was bandaged and remembered being unable to control my fire when she had been working. I set Olivia down on the floor and went to Maria, taking her hand in my own. She tried to pull it away but I shook my head.
"I'm sorry Maria," I said softly and I let my warmth seep into her and soon felt a burning sensation in my hand, I had given her second degree burns. After a moment she pulled her hand away and glanced at Nathan who still had his back towards us nervously.
"You were asleep for three days, how are you feeling? What happened?" she asked in a worried tone and I saw her looking at the shattered glass.
"It was my fault I carelessly knocked them over." I answered.
"Since you're here I wanted to tell you, our protein reserves are a bit low." She mentioned and I nodded and rubbed the back of my neck, wincing from the burn that was now on my own hand, but I knew it would heal in a few moments.
"I'll go hunting later," I said and she nodded her head,
"Some of the children have been asking about you, it's been a while since you've visited." I exhaled slowly,
"I know," I said softly, "I'm sorry, I'll check in with them." Maria nodded and looked at Nathan with curiosity then looked to Olivia.
"Come Olivia, you're supposed to be in class." Olivia scowled but obliged. After we were alone I turned my attention back to Nathan who seemed determined not to look at me. In fact he leaned his head against the wall and let out a groan while one hand was at his waist.
"Are you ok?" I finally asked and he flinched when I placed my hand on his arm.
"I feel like I'm burning up inside," he gasped and I realized he was glistening with sweat. I pulled him away from the wall and turned him to face me but he refused to meet my gaze. The connection was affecting him too, I wasn't sure how it would affect a human.
"Come with me," I said and he focused on me as I turned away, a look of remorse in the gaze he thought I couldn't see, but he followed. I led him out of the room and towards the library. A few children greeted me and I nodded at them but continued through the library, refusing to look at the painting above the fireplace. I led him to a dimly lit section of the library and pulled a book off the shelf and held my hand on a small hidden scanner. A shelf slid away from the wall and opened to a dark room. As I walked in I flipped a switch on the wall and lamps flickered on throughout a large room filled with thing not from this time. There was armor and weapons on the wall from different eras, clothing, books, paintings. It was a room filled with my history. In the center of it was a large conversation pit, filling with down pillows and cushions, it was the place I would come to, when I needed to be alone. There were no windows in this room.
"Woah," Nathan murmured softly and I saw him looking at a painting of a battle scene that seemed almost archaic. In it you could see me hovering above the army in the clouds. I touched his arm again and pulled him to the conversation pit.
"Who painted these?" he asked, though the question seemed forced through clenched teeth.
"Different people I've met,"
"So then these are all true events?" he asked again.
"Why won't you look at me?" I watched him freeze, watched his chest rise and fall, but he wasn't denying it.
"I can't control myself around you," he whispered while he raked his fingers through his soft brown hair. "From the moment I first saw you I've felt like I've been getting pulled in by a magnet." He said in a forced tone, "the closer I am to you, the more I want to touch you, but I don't want," He stopped and lowered his hands to his sides, clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white. "I don't want to hurt you. And I don't understand this feeling, I've only known you for a few days and yet I feel like I can't leave you. I don't want to leave you! When I touch you its like there are thousands of lightning bolts running through my body but instead of running away I want to pull you closer. Even know I feel like there's a fire inside of me but I just want to hold you close. I've never felt like this with anyone."
I realized it was the most I had ever heard him say at one time before, no jokes, no teasing, just raw honesty. I exhaled slowly and moved to stand directly in front of him. His head was lowered as if he had been beaten into submission and his eyes were shut as he appeared to be concentrated on breathing. I reached up and touched his cheek with the tips of my fingers, relishing the lightning bolts he had spoken of.
"You are misunderstanding," I whispered and he flinched, but opened his eyes to look at me with his own agonizing gaze. I caught myself rubbing his cheek with my thumb, debating whether I should tell him, and trying to determine the best way to say it.
"Well you can't stop there," he said after a few silent minutes and I chuckled softly. I led him to the pit of pillows and blankets and sat down putting a small pillow on my lap, patting it.
"Lie down," I said, "it will ease the burning until it subsides." He stared at me with wide eyes but didn't refuse. It wasn't until he placed his head on my lap and stared expectantly up at me that I realized what I had said. But it was too late to turn back now. I stared into his gray eyes and ran my fingers through his hair.
"Where I come from," I started slowly and then stopped, because what I was going to say, was something I had never shared with anyone. I felt his finger on my cheek and looked back down at him. I saw the open curiosity in his eyes.
"Human hearts are an amazing thing..." I heard myself saying and he followed with a confused snort.
"What are you talking about?"
"Guardians..." I said, and noticed his visible surprise but ignored it, I pressed my hand to his chest. "Guardians don't have the same heart as humans. They aren't as open and they don't experience or express so many emotions. Everything is very primal and actions are decided based on the best course for survival." Nathan gave me a respectful silence but I looked at him and felt awkward and bumbling.
"I didn't think it would be so hard to talk about myself." I said and he raised a questioning brow. I took a deep breath then moved my hand to his face, I rubbed my knuckles over the four-day stubble that had grown on his jaw.
"You know Guardians, one way we can communicate is through touch. When we touch each other skin to skin like this, we can share our thoughts, memories, and emotions. Whenever I touch you, I feel as if that part of me is trying to force its way to you.
"Hmm," he murmured and leaned into my touch, I smiled, "so when you touch a human you feel the electricity instead?" he asked sounding disappointed,
"No." I clarified, "you are the only person I will ever feel this way with. I can't seem to control myself around you either. You're not like any human I've ever met." He looked like he wanted me to clarify and I bit my lip.
"Does this have to do with why you were crying?" he asked and I held his gaze, realizing he was much more perceptive than I gave him credit for.
"In your defense," I said with a small sigh, "you didn't know what you were doing." I tried to remove my hand from his cheek but he grabbed it with his own and held it there.
"What do you mean by that?" he questioned angrily. I held his gaze and his brow furrowed in frustration. His Adam's apple bobbed with an angry swallow and I watched the muscles flexing and twitching in his jaw and without realizing I was doing it, I leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.
"Don't try to distract me," he growled and I laughed.
"I'm not, I told you I'm not going to hold back. This is just difficult to say."
"Start from the beginning."
"Hmm." I inhaled and his scent engulfed me. His smell, which I still couldn't identify, was intoxicating.
"Guardians don't really have a concept of love, or if they do, they don't express their love for one another openly." I started slowly, I didn't know how he would react.
"What we do have, is a connection, a bond with each other which binds us together. I guess it's like, there's always going to be a pair, this is making me cringe to say but in human terms its like 'soul-mates'. Except for Guardian's its in the literal sense, our souls become bound together making us 'mates' forever. Or, however long we end up living for. To be honest I didn't understand why I was feeling the way I do whenever I was with you. I didn't think it was possible for this to happen to me." I hesitated, realizing I was babbling but at the same time waiting to gauge his reaction.
"So... we made this 'connection'?" he asked softly, his voice void of any emotions, and I didn't dare look at his face. "I don't see how this has to do with why you were crying." I sighed.
"I don't think you understand. But then again I'm probably not explaining it well either." I suddenly regretted letting him use my lap as a pillow and wanted terribly to put distance between us, because I didn't know how I would take his next reaction.
"Guardians don't 'shop around' for someone to make a connection to. It happens only once in our life-time, you only feel this way with that one person and that person only. I tried to fight it, weakly I'll admit, I don't even know if it's possible to fight a connection. But I didn't know that you were feeling the same way..."
"Just spill it," he snapped and I looked away.
"As cliched as it sounds, a guardian's connection is sealed with a kiss. Once that is done you'll feel a burning sensation while the unbreakable bonds of your souls are formed."
"But Nathan... You are not a guardian."
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