The funeral came and went. Tears were shed. When I pictured this moment in my head, over the months leading up to mothers passing, I did not picture it that way. Mother had died in the Castle Infirmary. Even after the physicians told Aeliana they couldn’t cure her, she insisted they continue to try. She fought for her and she spent time with me every day, pulling me out of the sadness that wanted to swallow me.
Aeliana made sure mother was happy and comfortable, and when the moment came for her to return to The Gods, Aeliana pleaded with the King and Queen to allow her to be buried among the honored members of the court. They agreed and my mother will forever remain among the most loyal and high born members of the Shera Kingdom.
After we laid her to rest, it was hard for a while. Everything reminded me of her. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. Aeliana would still show up every day... She had secured me a position in the Royal Capital. I have my own quarters and more money than I had ever had.
It took weeks for her to pull me back, but she had a skill for things like that. Every day she would show up, whether I was worthy or not. She would tell me stories and make me laugh. It felt good. But I also was overcome with the feeling of guilt. It was my mother, I should be sad, being happy is unfair.
One day Aeliana came to me and said something. “---, your mom loved you with all of her heart. She is with The Gods now looking down here. I know she would not want to see you like this. She wants to see you happy. That way she can be happy too.” She was right. My mother would have wanted to hear all the happy stories. All the new memories I created. At her request, I decided to try being happy, that way when my time comes I will get to tell mother all about it.
She told me those things. She changed me. If I was going to be happy I knew what I wanted. Aeliana, I wanted her.
***
The next few days went by rather quickly. I spent my time helping Helena. I learned that she used to be a healer’s daughter, and decided to settle down when she met Scott. They had been married for nearly twenty-five years, and she was rather well skilled. If I had been able to keep my true identity I decidedly may have invited her to join as a new physician. We could’ve used a woman with abilities like hers.
That Saturday we were on our way to town. Our wounds had almost entirely healed and I was ready to begin our trek home, or at least anywhere I could feel like myself again. As the wagon pulled to a stop inside of the market Eák hopped down.
Eák spoke quietly with Scott for a moment and then shook his hand. Scott looked at me and nodded, before heading off into the crowd of pedestrians.
Eák turned towards me, sauntered over, and placed his hands firmly on me, grasping my hips. I was startled when he lifted me high into the air and slowly lowered my body against his. Before my feet touched the ground, I felt his lips against my cheek.
I looked at him, shocked. The gleam in his eyes shined and he had a confident smirk across his lips. His dark hair was a mess from our working hours. It fell wistfully about his face, playfully falling around his eyes. His face was flush, though there was not a single sign of embarrassment about him. Puzzled, I watched him patiently…
“I’m going to try this while you're still my wife,” He said suggestively.
My feet hovering an inch off the ground, he moved one hand to my back and held my body to his. He slid the other hand up my back and wrapped his fingers gently around the base of my neck. Pulling me forward, I felt his hunger, as his lips touched mine.
This was not like Liam. Liam was sweet, gentle, and loving. This was possessive, passionate, and hungry. His hands played in my hair, as his lips moved in motion with mine. I felt a warmth spread throughout my body. My heart began to pound, it felt as though I had been sprinting across a battlefield, my chest tightened as I forgot how to breathe. My blood rushed to the surface of my skin and I couldn’t form a cohesive thought. Eák’s right hand slowly caressed down my back and pressed into me, tugging my body closer to his.
And… that was it.
He broke his soft lips away, pressed his forehead to mine and placed me gently on the ground. I gasped for air, feeling as though it had been stolen from me.
His eyes were filled with scarlet embers, but his face looked… almost… regretful. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why?” I gasped, trying to catch my breath, studying him closely.
His eyes connected with mine. “Because...”
That’s when I saw him... Standing in the crowd, his eyes locked on me, piercing blue eyes. A dark green hood covered most of his face, but I could clearly see the gritted teeth below. I rushed through the crowd desperately, weaving in and out of passing merchants and stands, Eák sprinting at my heels.
“What is happening?” He pleaded, but I didn’t have time.
We turned the corner and the situation became obvious. Liam’s back was towards us, but his body was radiating with anger. His shoulders shook and his fists clenched. Without warning, he lunged beyond me, his closed fist headed for Eák’s face furiously.
“You Argr!!” He yelled, as his swing passed by, not meeting his target.
Eák easily sidestepped and pushed at Liam’s back. The second blow hit Eák squarely in the gut, causing him to keel over. Liam raised his fist to try for a third. I couldn’t let it continue. I pressed myself between the two of them and caught his wrist as it blew by my shoulder, I grasped his forearm, locked his elbow forward, and shoved him ahead and back to his feet.
“Liam!” I yelled, drawing his attention to me. “You need to calm down. It is not what you think.” I don’t know why I felt the need to defend the situation. But the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach did not make it much easier. Perhaps I was worried for the wellbeing of Eák. Perhaps I was trying to make this feeling go away. But either way, this situation was one I was not going to stand beside and let continue.
His eyes were aflame with anger and hurt. “Then what was it?!” He demanded. “Because it looked like this scumbag forced- you-” he screamed “Ahh!”.
I pressed my hands into him. “Listen to me! We had to pretend to be married. A lot has happened. Can we not talk about this here? Please?” The pleading in my voice must have gotten through to him because he relented. Liam angrily agreed to continue the conversation at his camp. The entire way out of the city Liam was staring daggers into Eák’s back. You would think the man had killed someone, with the amount of hostility Liam was projecting.
Outside of the city, we found Liam’s horse and a small tent. “You followed us?” I inquired, far more hostilely than originally intended. The words came out like an accusation. To his discredit, I had given strict orders for him to remain at the castle.
“Riders came back claiming your entire encampment had been destroyed. They reported that you were ambushed by The Sins, as planned, and the trap had been unsuccessful. They reported that all members had perished in the fight, besides the few that had managed their way back to the castle. So yes, I immediately set off to find you. I followed the trail to the river's edge, and from there I have been following the river for days.” He said beginning to show a level of regret, sorrow seeping into his voice. “I came upon this town just last night. I believed you could make it, and if you did, that I would find you seeking care in a place like this.”
“Well the ambush was correct, however, it was not The Sins. It was our own men. They turned on us and attacked. As for the rest, I suppose you are correct to some extent. However, Eák and I rode downriver for many miles. We ended up at a farm not far from here. Though we were extremely injured. The lady of the house treated our wounds and we were just now able to return to the capital.” I said, “We had no choice but to deceive the kind couple, for both their and our protection. We covered as a newlywed couple who were attacked by bandits. And the family took us in under that premise quite willingly.”
Liam’s eyes began to draw circles on the floor again. “Oh.” He said, not losing any of the destain or resentment.
I looked at Eák, unsure if I should continue to the additional piece of information, I discovered during our time at the farm. He looked at me with a smile, I’m sure meant, he would rather I not share that now.
Liam’s eyes were still burning holes into the dense forest earth. “Why did you leave me behind?” Liam blurted out. “I could have been there to protect you.” His eyes locked on mine, angry and pleading.
“Liam. I did what I believed was best at the time.” The confidence I couldn’t find hindered my objective further... “Your injuries were grave. Accompaniment could very well have ended with your death… to be honest, I’m sure you would not have survived the things we had to do… not in that state.”
“... the things we had to do…” he mumbled through gritted teeth. “Who’s idea was it? ...The affront?” His eyes shot daggers at Eák.
“It was mine.” I interjected, before Eák could take the bait. “Given the situation, you should be able to see how that was the most logical option.”
Liam clenched and unclenched his fists as he walked to the tree’s edge. “I… I’ll be back.”
Watching him walk away. It felt wrong. I turned to Eák. I didn’t want to leave him here alone but this was something I needed to do.
“Go.” He said, turning his attention from me.
I ran after Liam. I didn’t know what I was going to say, all I knew was that I couldn’t leave it like that.
Around a corner I saw him. His forehead pressed hard to the side of a tree. His eyes were closed. At that moment I realized... How long had he been looking? How much he must have worried… I didn’t mean to cause him pain.
“Liam…” I said in a soft voice.
Careful, I began to close the distance between us. He did not look up as I moved. I reached him; his face still turned away from me; his muscular body tense. I placed my hand on his back and felt him shutter beneath my palm. I pulled at the fabric of his shirt. Stepping closer, I pressed my body to his back, wrapped my arms around his waist and held him gently. Slowly he stood, causing my arms to fall away. There was a clear hesitation before he turned and wrapped his arms around me. He held me firm, like he was afraid I was going to disappear, his arms tense and powerful.
His head hung low. I could feel the tears hitting my face. Opening my eyes I looked up at him.
“Why do you do this to me?” He asked, eyes pressed closed through falling tears.
I pulled away enough to push my hands to his cheeks. I gently rolled away the tears, as his eyes met mine.
“I’m sorry...”
Something inside of me ached at the defeated look on his face. I didn’t know how to fix this. I knew why I did everything I did. I was not sure I could say I’d have changed it, however, I wished I could’ve avoided hurting him.
Liam’s eyes fastened on mine, as he pressed his hand to the back of mine, pushing the warmth of my palm firmer to his soft skin. He looked at me longingly and I gave him an honest smile. His hand moved to my face, gently caressing my skin with the tips of his fingers. His fingers traced lines along my cheek and moved to the back of my neck. As I felt him pulling me towards him, I relented. For just a second, he hesitated, his lips hovering over mine. It was like a switch flipped and he pulled me to him desperately. As his mouth began meeting mine we moved like two performers, perfectly together, bliss spread through me. His hands painted up and down my back, pulling me close and enticing me. I could feel the movement of my blood beneath my skin, the warmth spreading through me. My hands moved without thought, pulling on him, tracing the curves of him. I could feel it. The moment when I would lose myself. It tempted me with the warmth of him. The bliss of his kiss. The closer I came to that feeling, the more my heart began to race.
“Liam..” The name came out exasperated. Lightly I pressed my hands to his chest. Pushing him and breaking away my lips. When I looked at him, I was breathing heavily, trying hard not to let the tingling feeling take me to my knees. His eyes burned with hunger. As I looked at him, I could see it, everything we could do, everything I wanted to do, reflected back at me in those eyes.
Liam pressed his forehead to mine, squeezing his eyes closed, he took a long slow breath. “Alaya… I love you… I’ve always loved you.”
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