3:59pm fawnstars
"Just heard Tori Amos is playing in PDX in November, tix go on sale Fri 10am. Oh yeah! 😎 I just did a karaoke cover of hers.. forgot how much I missed her voice."
4:00pm army_made896
"hnnnnngggggghhhhh"
4:00pm army_made896
"my GOD "Muhammad, My Friend🎶...""
4:05pm fawnstars
"Haha 😂 I wonder if she still plays any old stuff.. 🎶 I think I'm the wrong band..🎶 or older than that. I don't know if I would if I was still making new material. Do you know her new stuff?"
5:09pm army_made896
"i have ALL of her stuff but favor the 90s through early 00s (Scarlet's Walk)"
5:09pm army_made896
"❤️"
5:22pm fawnstars
"I don't know if you've heard of Regina Spector, she is sort of newer, but since I read your chart I have had this song in my head.. Apparently, "this is how it works" 😄"
5:23pm fawnstars
"This part especially..
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath"
5:24pm fawnstars
"No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"
5:25pm army_made896
"You know, Tori Amos has a condition called "chromethesia"--which is where she can physically see the notes on a scale/song like colors of light in a spectrum.. She can "see" music. 👁👁"
5:25pm army_made896
"didn't mean to ignore your reply"
5:25pm army_made896
"those lyrics hurt"
5:27pm fawnstars
"That is cool about Tori's spider music sense, I believe it."
5:27pm fawnstars
"I'm sorry to share that then!!😐❤️"
5:27pm army_made896
"she's a got-dam savant"
5:28pm fawnstars
"I know it is trivializing also honestly"
5:28pm fawnstars
"But the motto thing lol.."
5:28pm army_made896
"no it's ok, i listen to powerful, POWERFUL music and welcome ALL of it"
5:28pm army_made896
"apologize for nothing"
5:28pm fawnstars
"Ok I won't haha"
5:29pm fawnstars
"In your chart you have moon conjunct south node, as I mentioned and it is SUPER DEEP to say the least"
5:29pm army_made896
"99% of my music is blasphemous, offensive, or any mixture of the two"
5:30pm fawnstars
"Your your music?"
5:30pm fawnstars
"Do you ever write anything?"
5:30pm army_made896
"my shrink says that i am a 'see-er', and that it is a double-edged sword"
5:30pm army_made896
"no i mean my music collection"
5:30pm fawnstars
"I can imagine your music is very eclectic"
5:30pm army_made896
"she seems to think i'm brilliant and should belong to MENSA but i think she's just putting me ob"
5:30pm army_made896
"on"
5:31pm army_made896
"what did u mean by the super deep prt"
5:31pm fawnstars
"That is cool that she 'sees' you... you have already taught me so much!"
5:32pm fawnstars
"It's hard to explain but just by getting to connect with you both I have become much more aware and open hearted."
5:32pm army_made896
"well i think she means that i can walk in a room and tell exactly what everyone is thinking and/or predict what will happen next"
5:32pm army_made896
"i am NOT claiming clairvoyancy"
5:32pm fawnstars
"Oh my gosh that is freakin anazing"
5:33pm fawnstars
"Amazing"
5:33pm army_made896
"i can imagine that Christian and I will be two of the more intriguing people you will meet in this journey"
5:33pm fawnstars
"You are a "sensitive""
5:33pm army_made896
"extremely"
5:33pm army_made896
"Über"
5:33pm fawnstars
"Already are."
5:33pm army_made896
"🤧"
5:33pm army_made896
"too sensitive"
5:34pm army_made896
"the mere thought of harm to my mother beckons the darkest and deepest demons that lurk inside of me"
5:34pm army_made896
"please don't let any of this scare you"
5:34pm fawnstars
";m not scurried :-)"
5:34pm army_made896
"she's just all i ever had and i hope to die before she does"
5:35pm fawnstars
"You seem very connected to her spiritually in this life"
5:35pm fawnstars
"I can see that you are sensitive also in how you build up your body and the military life"
5:35pm army_made896
"i am"
5:35pm army_made896
"i am"
5:35pm fawnstars
"It is part of being a "sensitive" so that you are protecting your Spirit on the inside"
5:35pm army_made896
"it's a thin candy shell, though"
5:36pm army_made896
"it must be very easy to see"
5:36pm army_made896
"how embarrassing"
5:36pm fawnstars
"I am grateful honestly to your foresight in a tough world that you built up that shell because it kept your Spirit light inside and that is the easy part to see"
5:37pm army_made896
"i don't know what i've done to myself, honestly"
5:37pm fawnstars
"It is so difficult for people who are very open and aware to be put in dark situations over time... we build up walls, shells, defenses, advances, habits.. it's natural and I do it too"
5:37pm fawnstars
"You have protected yourself"
5:37pm army_made896
"i have severe body dysmorphia and all i see is "normal people" who don't spend 20 years straight inside a fucking gym",
5:37pm army_made896
"what kind of person does that?"
5:38pm army_made896
"i'm never happy with my body and this is probably too much information but you're easy to talk to"
5:38pm fawnstars
"Remember I mentioned that you have a serious "thing" with "tinkering" and perfectionism?"
5:38pm fawnstars
"It's a real thing"
5:38pm army_made896
"my shrink said same thing"
5:39pm army_made896
"i'm a perfectionist and it's why i'm always disappointed"
5:39pm army_made896
"are you a shrink?!"
5:39pm fawnstars
"You are very focused on perfecting yourself on all the planes of existence in this life and you are not "satisfied" with yourself until you reach this ideal that is in your head and not in everyone elses"
5:40pm fawnstars
"The rest of the world is not so hard on itself.. but it is a double edged sword because you are a "warrior" and you are training always for betterment so it is in some ways awesome and amazing that you have this "issue" because obviously it makes you strive WAY far ABOVE and beyond others"
5:40pm fawnstars
"I am an astrologer lol :-)"
5:41pm army_made896
"yes all true 😪😭"
5:41pm fawnstars
"I have this issue myself in perfectionism to be honest in other ways"
5:41pm fawnstars
"<3"
5:41pm army_made896
"she said the most successful people in the world have anxiety"
5:41pm army_made896
"she also said something that blew me away; "depression is anger turned inward""
5:44pm fawnstars
"A lot of that striving can stem from not feeling good enough for someone or something specifically as a kid.. You want to be the "best" and keep proving how awesome you are but they will never acknowledge that no matter what"
5:44pm fawnstars
"Fuck'em haha"
5:44pm fawnstars
"My mom is the biggest evil woman on planet earth.."
5:44pm fawnstars
"I win on all counts of a terrible childhood haha"
5:45pm fawnstars
"I was just sued by her this past year :-("
5:46pm fawnstars
"Don't mean to freak you out on the mom tip"
5:47pm fawnstars
"But I am just saying that I know how it is to want to be super good and awesome for someone but they won't acknowledge it so you just try harder in all the wrong ways.."
5:48pm fawnstars
"Sorry to offend if I did, I know how much your mom means to you and I just have a very different relationship with my mom.."
5:49pm army_made896
"what the actual PHOK"
5:49pm army_made896
"you are mirroring what my damn shrink says"
5:49pm fawnstars
"😭"
5:49pm fawnstars
"All true haha your shrink rocks"
5:49pm army_made896
"she says it comes from childhood--"all behavior is purposeful, and we are molded by experiences we don't even remember""
5:49pm army_made896
"no offense AT ALL"
5:50pm army_made896
"it's all fucking true"
5:50pm army_made896
"i grew up with her fighting my stepdad every night"
5:50pm army_made896
"2 people know this, now 3, but as a result, i am an extreme mysoginist"
5:51pm fawnstars
"How do you feel that reflects you in your life?"
5:51pm army_made896
"which makes no sense because i would slit god's throat if he even spoke ill of her"
5:51pm army_made896
"i don't know"
5:51pm army_made896
"i can't make any sense of all of this"
5:51pm fawnstars
"What does it mean?"
5:51pm army_made896
"too much information to procrss"
5:51pm fawnstars
"The word mysoginist?"
5:52pm army_made896
"a mysoginist is a person who hates, to their absolute core, the female genderx"
5:52pm army_made896
"gender*"
5:52pm fawnstars
"How are you able to be married to a woman?"
5:53pm army_made896
"understand Fern, that i am only telling you this because i feel you have insight -- you damn sure have knowledge"
5:53pm fawnstars
"❤️"
5:53pm army_made896
"thats the thing--i make extreme exceptions to my own rules"
5:53pm fawnstars
"You are EXTREME in general my friend haha"
5:53pm fawnstars
"And so your exceptions would of course have to be extreme :-)"
5:54pm army_made896
"i mean, how could i hate 5 billion women automatically--that's silly. but in general, it's the way i've always been"
5:54pm fawnstars
"I understand."
5:54pm fawnstars
"I really do."
5:54pm army_made896
"❤️"
5:55pm fawnstars
"For some reason mike, you have seriously opened my eyes to understanding "other""
5:55pm fawnstars
"It's really humbling"
5:55pm fawnstars
"And it is through that understanding that I can see how this makes sense..."
5:55pm fawnstars
"I look forward to seeing you guys and sharing war sTaylas lol"
5:55pm fawnstars
"The real kind"
5:56pm army_made896
"absolutely. you think i'm nuts now, wait til you see me. garden-variety sociopath"
5:56pm army_made896
"you're a very nice girl, Christian hit a homer and I'm sure he knows it. hard to find a grounded female--trust me"
5:56pm fawnstars
"I already "see" you lol and I have also seen you as a kid.. no hiding here"
5:56pm army_made896
"❤️"
5:57pm army_made896
"lol"
5:57pm army_made896
"i suppose u have"
5:57pm fawnstars
"Thanks :-) Christian is such a healing and loving person, and also very "seeing" too"
5:57pm fawnstars
"You guys are both super heros"
5:57pm army_made896
"it was all just a moustache, hiding my inner Beelzebub!"
5:57pm fawnstars
"You are are real life "Transformer""
5:57pm army_made896
"Christian seems like a see-er"
5:57pm fawnstars
"😂"
5:57pm army_made896
"must get that from Lew"
5:58pm fawnstars
"He is a healer and also "Transformer" but in a spiritual sense"
5:58pm fawnstars
"We just listened to some music we made together 8 years ago"
5:58pm fawnstars
"Hilarious!!!"
5:59pm fawnstars
"He saw in me something that was not there AT ALL and just worked with me these last 7 years in the basement making music and singing"
5:59pm fawnstars
"He is the most dedicated DUDE I have ever met and I am so happy for you that you get him as a brother :-)"
5:59pm army_made896
"fuck i wish i had all that equipment--i wouldn't leave the house"
5:59pm army_made896
"i just bought my dream guitar, lookin for an amp now"
6:00pm fawnstars
"When do we get to hear you play?"
6:00pm fawnstars
"I have seen your guitars in the pictures for a long time.. looks like you play often at home?"
6:01pm army_made896
"i dabble"
6:01pm army_made896
"NEVER in front of anyone but tor"
6:02pm fawnstars
"Well this will obviously be another thing that now 2 more people see and know about you haha"
6:02pm army_made896
"Never!!"
6:03pm fawnstars
"Never say never haha :-)"
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