A karaoke?
Really?
Oh, the nerve of it. And after I specifically told her I was bad at singing! What on Earth was she thinking?
"Come on!! Just a couple of songs! I really want to hear you singing."
"Why this, now? I'm a terrible singer."
"Well, so am I!" said Ceres. "Isn't that fine? You're terrible, I'm terrible, we can be a terrible duo together! Please, Janis! I love karaoke!"
There she was, looking at me with those puppy-like eyes again. How could I say no to a face like that? And it was funny, because even though she was older than me, there were times when it really felt as if I was the older one. Ceres always had this carefree, somewhat childish air about her. She didn't seem to worry about anything, always doing things without first thinking them through. I guess that might have been why Zoe had told me to take care of her. You couldn't help but worry about her, a little.
I gave in. "All right, just a couple of songs."
"Thank you!!!" Ceres was overjoyed. "I'm gonna pick one of my favorites. I hope you know this song. Let's see..." she leafed through the pages of a catalog and then dialed a number on the remote.
When the song started playing, I could hardly believe it.
I may run and hide, when you're screaming my name, all right!
"Backstreet Boys? Really?"
"I love them!" said Ceres, excitedly. Never in my life I would have pegged Ceres as the type to like pop songs, let alone early 2000's boy bands. "Come on, Janis, let's sing together!"
Hah. As if. There was no way on Earth she'd persuade me to do that. I mean, look at her! Judging from how skilled Ceres was as a dancer, I imagined she'd be at least as good a singer. As for me? I once got shouted at by a neighbor because I had been singing in the shower. That's how bad I sang. Not to mention, Ceres—
...
What?
Wow. What a surprise.
Ceres sucked at it.
"All you people can't you seeeee, can't you seeee!!!"
It was... bad. She was so out of tune you'd think she was singing a different song altogether. She had no notion of intonation, or pitch, or... or anything, really. The one thing she got right was the timing, arguably because that was one ability she could borrow from her dancing skills. But everything else was completely off.
And yet, Ceres looked like she was having the time of her life. I stifled a laugh as I saw her wave her arms and gesture, just as if she was one of those pop artists from TV. She even filled in the gaps between verses with sayings like "Come on, now!" and "Louder, everyone!" It was amusing. It looked surprisingly fun.
"Eeeevery time we're down, yoooou can make it right!"
It turns out that listening to Ceres' horrible singing encouraged me to also give it a try. At least there were no angry neighbors nearby to yell at me.
I picked up the second microphone:
"And that makes you laaaarger..."
Ceres looked at me, surprised. I guess she hadn't expected me to actually join in with her, not right at the last couple of verses before the song ended. But then she grinned and wrapped her left arm around my shoulder. We sang together.
"That makes you laaaarger than life!!!"
The song ended. We both burst out laughing.
"This is fun!" she said.
"Totally," I agreed. That was my first time singing in public (although, technically, it was just the two of us). Before that day, and ever since the incident with my neighbor, I used to think that I would never, ever, sing in public, not for as long as I lived. But then that moment came, that night at a karaoke with Ceres, and for some reason I had really felt like singing those songs together with her.
"Okay, you pick now," she said, handing me the catalog. I leafed through it, absentmindedly.
"There's so many of them," I told her. "How am I supposed to pick one? I don't even know many of these artists."
"Just pick one you like. Or... you can just put in any number and we'll sing whatever song comes up. It's fun that way, too."
"What if I don't know the song?"
"Then we'll try again until we get a song you know. So, what do you say?"
"Hmm... okay then. Let's see."
I picked up the remote and dialed a random, four-digit number.
"Britney!!" said Ceres. "That'll be fun."
And it was. I knew every word of the lyrics. Toxic had been one of my favorite songs when I was twelve. And neither of us could reach the pitch of Britney Spears in that song, so our singing was outright awful. And the worse it got, the more we laughed.
"My turn, now!" Ceres took the remote from the table and dialed another random number. We found ourselves singing Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry" to the best of our abilities for the next five minutes or so. I didn't know most of the lyrics, so I just sang the chorus and let Ceres fend for herself at the remaining parts. Ceres didn't know it all that well either, thus at some point we began to improvise and even create new lyrics when we couldn't remember the original verses.
I picked up the remote and hoped we'd do better on the next random song. I dialed a number. 1943. That's the year Janis Joplin was born. It was also my lucky number, or so I liked to think.
A song started to play.
I knew that song.
"Oh," I said.
"Ohhhh," said Ceres, smiling awkwardly. "Well, I guess we'll have to sing that one. You ready?"
I nodded, then picked up the microphone. One, two...
"Wise men say... Only fools rush in..."
I felt my face heating up. That was a really embarrassing song, wasn't it?
"But I can't help... falling in love... with you."
Ceres decided to sing the next bit. She picked up the microphone.
"Shall I stay...? Would it be a sin...?"
To my surprise, that sounded good. Not perfect, of course, but much better than she had done at the previous songs. Ceres was really giving it all she had. The girl had her eyes closed and sang as if it came from her heart, rather than from her mouth.
"If I can't help... falling in love... with you..."
Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling, so it goes:
Some things are meant to be.
Take my hand. Take my whole life too.
For I can't help falling in love with you.
"For I can't help... falling in love... with you."
We opened our eyes and looked at each other. Ceres had the most beautiful smile just then. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was radiant.
I felt my chest tighten. There was this feeling running through my body like electricity. I was still blushing, but I no longer felt embarrassed. There was something surreal about that moment, as if belonged to a different reality, instead of the real world. My world, of high school, part-time work, and future meaningless jobs at nondescript offices. A world of certainties. That moment, that night, it didn't belong there. What I was experiencing was something special and new. It made me want to remain there forever: just me and Ceres in that room, singing together in a never-ending night.
"I'll pick a song I like, now," said Ceres, looking away. I simply sat still on the couch, gazing at her, while she picked a song and sang it to the screen alone. Ceres was like magic: something you don't believe in until you see it and experience it for yourself. And once that happens all you can do is wonder if any of that is real, or if it's a dream, or an illusion.
"Janis?"
I snapped out of it.
"I'm sorry," I told her. "Did you say something?"
"It's your turn now." She offered me the catalog. "Care to pick a song?"
"Do I have to?"
Ceres frowned. She left the microphone and the catalog on the table and turned to me, looking at me with concerned eyes. She put her hand over mine: It was warm and made me feel weird again, that feeling of electricity in my blood and the pressure against my chest.
"So... what's troubling you?"
I looked at her. She had this beautiful hint of a smile on her lips. Ceres' smiles were always honest ones, it was unlike her to fake sympathy. But I could also see that she was worried about me. It wouldn't do to lie to her now. I decided to tell Ceres everything that I was thinking.
"It's just... meeting you, the party... and now us singing together... I never imagined any of it. It wasn't on my plans. I used to think I'd graduate high school, get a job at some office, pay my rent and bills, and live life as a proper adult until the day I left this world. I thought I had figured out how life worked. But after tonight... I'm not so sure."
"Did it bother you?" Ceres asked me. "I mean, when I invited you to the party, or when I brought you here... Was that a bad thing?"
I shook my head. "That's not it. I loved it. I am loving, every moment of it. Tonight I've seen and experienced lots of new and wonderful things. Just yesterday I'd never have guessed any of this was possible. Even if this is just an ordinary night to most people, to me it isn't. I used to think these kinds of things were something that happened to other people, not me. And now that it's happened... I'm not so sure what to make of it. What if I want to have more nights like this? Am I even allowed to want all of these new things?"
We fell silent for a moment. My mind was a mess. I didn't think I knew how to what to make of those confusing thoughts, so I decided to just let it be, at least for the time being. Ceres still held my hand in hers, looking away as if she was wondering about something.
"Janis, can I ask you something?"
I nodded.
"So tell me: where do the notes go, when a song ends?"
That was a weird question... And I didn't think it had much to do with what I was talking about before. Notes? Well...
"I... I don't think they go somewhere..." I said. "I mean, they're there while the song is playing... and then they're not. That's all."
Ceres nodded.
"But they were there before, right?" she told me, still looking away. "They were real. As the song plays, the notes are present, they're real, they resonate. People listen to them. They affect people. Yet when the song is over, all that remains of the notes are the memories of the people who heard them. That and the impact that it might have had on those people. A song can change someone's life completely. Some songs are even capable of changing an entire society. All of that because some notes were played, instead of others. Do you understand?"
"Er... yes, I guess..." I kind of did, I just didn't understand what Ceres was getting at with that argument.
"So... imagine that you had to choose a single song to be played. Only one and then it's over. What song would you choose? Would you pick something happy and fun, or something sad and mellow? Would you pick a dull song, the kind they play at elevators, or would you want something interesting and full of meaning? Would you pick a song that affects other people? A song that would change someone's life?"
That was a hard question. "I'm not sure. Why?"
"Well, I may be wrong, of course, but the way I see it, all we ever get is this one song. Only one and that's it. We'll be around for as long as it's being played and we'll be gone once it's over, just like the notes. What's really special about it is that, for as long as we're still here, we can play whatever song we want. It's our choice. Do you know what song you want to play?"
I closed my eyes, pondering about what Ceres had just told me.
If I have only one song, I thought, repeating Ceres' words to myself, what song do I want to play?
"I... don't know yet," I told Ceres.
"It's okay," she said. "You can take your time and think about it. And you can always change it later, if you change your mind. Just make sure to make it a good one."
I nodded. Ceres was right. I didn't have to follow the path I had laid before me. I wasn't smart, or rich, or talented. Surely some things were completely out of my reach. But those weren't the only options I had. Ceres had shown me many new things I had never imagined before. She was singing a beautiful song, herself. A song which affected people and changed their lives. A song that changed my life. It made me want to do better, to find a song of my own.
Ceres let go of my hand. I felt the warmth of her touch starting to fade. And in that moment I realized something.
I still didn't know what song I wanted to sing.
But now I knew who I wanted to sing it with. §
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