Brad's POV
On rainy nights like these, old memories usually tended to come back to me. Though they weren't nostalgic memories. They were flashbacks of events that I'd blocked off from my mind. Sometimes they were forceful and sometimes they crept up to me, which leave me spacing out.
The stiff whiskey in my hand felt warm and I sat in my reading couch looking at my last bottle of Saphris. This wasn't the specific meds I needed but I could only fake my prescription papers to a certain point.
My family is a well off family; but it's exactly the warm and loving type. Anything we did, say or speak could be used against us. God forbid any type of scandal that would threatened the Arons' reputation. My sister was living proof that you don't threatened the reputation of the family name.
She had already been betrothed to someone else. So for her to intentionally put the name of the family at risk, gave her balls of steel. Obviously, depending how bad the shame was, Father always seemed to be able to cover up our indecencies at a costly price.
Since she had gotten knocked-up out of wedlock, our sister got sent off to God knows where. I hadn't seen her once since then. She used to call our Mother a few times a month before she started getting sick. We were pretty far in age; her being around 15 and I being around 3 or 5. Either way, I was old enough to know that you don't go against Father's orders.
I had no reason to abandon what they had already planned for me. Don't get me wrong, I wish I had the courage to break away from the cycle. I'm not Blake or my sister. My motivation to become better was spurred on only when Blake finally left the main house. More like he was sent to a privately owned rehab center for a year or so.
Like any other person whose brought shame into the Arons' house hold, Blake ended up being removed. As for me, I saw my chance and stepped up to the plate. After all, I was damn near invisible to my folks. So invisible that I had started thinking that maybe I wasn't even real.
In that aura of invisibility, I found Susan. Technically, she had found me when she tried to sell me some little cocaine in a bag at what I think was one of Shelby's many house parties. Susan wasn't my exact cup of tea since everything about her spelled out trouble. She was the pretty daughter of one of my father's money hungry subordinate. The first time I saw her, her beauty hit me in the gut, but just like people of our status, she was also instructed to 'find herself a rich man'.
That was when she was formally introduced to Blake as an arrange marriage type of agreement. Susan had gone to our high school, but he hadn't even known that simple fact. As far as I knew, Blake wasn't interested in anybody since he skipped most of his classes to get high with the stoner click.
By marrying into a wealthy household, Susan would be set for life.
There was something destructive in her that called out to the 16 year old me. Back then, I was thirsty for attention. I was deprived and she gave me a place to belong. There was a small cabin up in the mountains that her parents owned. There she brought me into her personal world and shared her darkness with me, along with a bunch of other bad influences that I should have probably stayed away from.
But she came like a storm before managing to drag me into the center of addiction. It was her empty eyes that hypnotize me. It was as if she was mirroring my own inner emptiness. Her and I were alike. Even though I begun falling for her and world of addiction, she would only ever be mine while she was high but whenever we stepped foot outside of that cabin, she belonged to Blake.
Her downward spiral commenced after she knew of her pregnancy and being forced into a marriage she didn't want. She didn't even want the kid, but there was no talk of abortion in an extremely conservative family. How would they face the shame?
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There was a knock on the door that pulled me out of my thoughts. My head felt a little muddled as I got up to check. The pitter-patter of the rain almost made me miss the soft knocks that came from the front door.
Looking through the peep hole, I felt my core froze up for a moment. I didn't think of flicking on the porch lights to make sure if what I was seeing was correct. I just threw open the door afraid that the empty familiar empty eyes I saw was still there. With her name about to leave my lips, I flung open the door just to be face to face a short, short-haired person.
With trimmed hair, dark brown eyes and pale skin, whose this person? It suddenly hit me when i heard the person sheepishly say, "Goodnight Uncle."
"Jaden?" I was still a bit shocked and confused. I could've sworn I had just seen Susan's eyes through the peephole. With his long fringes gone, Jaden looked older. His features were clearer now; more masculine than his previous femininity. Before, with his long hair, he could easily be mistaken as a female. "Your new cut sucks."
"I didn't do it for you," he replied defensively. Looking at him closely, I could see he was a little wet from the rain. Even in this sorry state he had a mouth on him, very much like I had been back in the day.
He had a small duffel bag over his shoulder as he shuttled inside. "I thought it was weird when Blake gave me a call. He said to tell you to give him a call if I saw you," I relayed while throwing him a towel to dry off. "Have you finally taken my offer and come live with me?"
"First it was at Neil's, until his mother started bitching. From there, I've been to a couple motels and stuff. I don't see what's the big deal," he said without even looking my way. Something must have happened.
"You don't see the big deal? Well, let's see. From what I heard, you left the house without even telling him where you went," I said looking at him and hating the fact that he was visually his mother's twin. It was a bit repulsive if you asked me, yet I just couldn't turn him away.
Even with his attitude, the thought of tainting him made my pulse race.
"Correction. I did tell him I was staying over at Neil's. Blake just kept calling and his Mom got pissy about it. I have some savings so I rented out a motel for a few nights," Jaden explained. Looking through his duffel bag, he pulled out a dry shirt and stripped off the wet material. The Arons birthmark on his pale flesh glowed softly in the dimly lit room.
Without a shirt, it was bluntly clear to me that this kid, was a guy. "Then what's with the visit? Shouldn't you just go back home?"
"Not until tomorrow," he said looking at me straight in the eye. "There's something I need help with and it's something only you can do for me." I felt something get triggered inside me at that sentence. Susan had also requested something of me, but I couldn't go through with it. That's around was around the time she disappeared.
My hands all of a sudden felt clammy but unlike the dark air that hung over Susan, Jaden gave me a nervous grin. He took out a box from out of his bag and stared at it. "You know, he said if I wasn't his son, then maybe... but if this doesn't work..." He handed me over the box. "Maybe Susan whored just enough to actually be of some good to me."
Hearing him speak of my Susan like that, rubbed me the wrong way. The whiskey had already been warming my system from earlier and my words came out harsher than I wanted him to notice. "Jaden," I sighed heavily. "Stop with these delusions," I pointed out. Trying to mask my voice from hinting how grossed out I was and added, "he is your Father. He'll never see you as a lover. End of story."
I stared at Jaden as he looked up at me in a somewhat surprised expression. I'd never spoken to him this way, but in reality, I've always been like this. The ulterior motives I had when I decided to help my brother, were mostly out of guilt and self satisfaction at the fact that he was now below me.
After feeling inferior to Blake for such a long time, I almost rejoiced when he was disinherited. Everyone thought he'd be more. Why don't you be more like your brother, I was asked once. Ha! I mentally scoffed. Blake's drug-addicted past never came to light. I wanted to destroy him at one point, for taking Susan away from me. He knew she didn't love him, but he refused to let her go.
Even after she had had Jaden, she still came to me. We'd loose ourselves on our several drug-induced trips. She would tell me how much she loved me before inhaling the powder that connected us both. We last for years without the knowledge of anyone apart from the poisonous people we dealt.
She made me feel like I was better than Blake every time she came back to me. Now here I have Jaden, looking at me as if expecting something. Why couldn't he look at me the way Susan did? Did he want to escape from Blake's grasps too? If so, all he needed to do was just ask. With those eyes of his, just like his mother's, he could whimper and beg me and I'd be more than happy to... help him escape.
We could escape it all, I thought as I stared at the prescription bottle beside my forgotten cup of whiskey.
looking at the box, it was one of those DDC Paternity Kit. "You don't have to, you know. It's just that they need a signature of an adult," he said softly before sighing heavily. "But...but if it turns out that I'm truly his son, then I guess, I'll just have to take your offer and move in with you. At least until I turned 18--- which is in just a couple months. "
My ears twitched. So he did want to escape. Something in me clamored in my chest. "Fine," I replied absent-mindedly. He then handed me two mini zip lock bags with hair. One labelled 'his' and 'mine'.
With that, Jaden laid across the couch already starting to get comfy. "Thanks Brad. I don't know what I would do without you." I felt triggered again, as he used one of Susan's favorite lines. "I'm way too exhausted both physically and mentally. It's been tough since he's already rejected me once. I don't know what I'd do, if he rejected me again but I can't give up just yet."
Why do I hate this part of Jaden so much?
I hated this part of him that believed in Blake. All he did was cage up people to satisfy his own loneliness. The coward that he is. Even I had more spine than Blake. Everything occurring was like Susan telling me protect Jaden from Blake's clutches. Jaden who looked so much like Susan.
He claimed to love Blake. How sure is he that what he felt was even love?
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By now, you might be wondering, how was it that I'd stayed so close but so far. The fact is, that's all I know how to do and I'm damn good at it. You can't be an Arons without knowing how to act in public. All I know is to play the part of the good son, the loving brother, the kind and accepting uncle. I get what I want, manipulate as much as I want, and no one notices.
The good son who followed his parent's every word. The loving brother, who lived watching his older brother impregnate said girlfriend.The kind Uncle, trusted by a child that was as abnormal as himself.
After all, even now, I'm still clouded by this almost tangible invisibility. The only difference is that instead of Susan appearing, Jaden did. He was also just like me. Maybe he was stronger, since he has stopped playing the part of the good son. Still, we were both slowly dying to find an exit to our one-sided affections.
Now you see how fucked up every thing is.
My mind is a sea of thoughts that admittedly sometimes is a bit borderline. You know what they say about psychiatrist. We all know how to deal with people's problem except our own, I thought as I looked down on a sleeping Jaden.
It would be too easy. I was pretty sure the kid didn't have one inch of violent muscle on that skinny frame of his, much like I'd been in the past. I remember being that skinny and weak back then. Jaden's fragile state was like mine. It actually made me morbidly happy that he always seemed to reflect more of me, than Blake. Then again, it could be my imagination, and the ever present voice that my brain always produced.
What was the difference between Blake and I? I had asked Susan. With unnerving calmness, she answered, you brother's are more alike than you think. I didn't want to be the same as him but I wanted to say that I was better.
The worst that happened was when Susan started to reflect Blake. The little me that was mirrored in her eyes had started to fade away. Susan felt polluted to me all of a sudden. That strong, beautiful self-destructing side of her was fading and that just made my inside grind together.
As I stared at Jaden's sleeping form, I wondered. Would he like Susan? Would he be able to reflect me given the right... stimulus? Laying there wrapped up in a red blanket he almost could past for a birthday day present, I thought comically. Lightly tracing the face of the kid, I felt the urge rise and poked it's forgotten head out.
A familiar dark urge to own and to possess; I was shaken by it and quickly took a step back. As I said, it would be too easy since he was way too defenseless and seemingly lonely.
"You poor thing," I whispered sarcastically.
If only Blake knew what was in my head. If you don't want him, I'd be glad to take little Susan from you, my thoughts continued. Should I break him in for you, Blake?
Technically, Susan had been mine before becoming Blake's. What's there to stop me from making Jaden into my own version of Susan?
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