I sit in a stupor for a while until I get hungry and have to go down to eat. Cecil left a few minutes ago, having to attend to making the little prince breakfast. She told me to make sure to report to Martha and the doctor that I was feeling much better.
My mind is a blur. I go to the window and brush the curtains aside. From my window I can see the outside courtyard, the entrance of the castle. The sun is higher. Breakfast would be laid out. The other apprentices would have begun to go to breakfast. I would not be able to avoid meeting anyone. My stomach rumbles. I sigh. I have no choice. Breakfast it shall be.
I open the door the dining room. As I expected most of the apprentices are up and having their breakfast. I don’t expect however, the silence that descends as I enter the room.
Everyone stares at me as I walk towards my usual spot on the table. Out of the corner of my eye I see a few boys nudging each other and sniggering, while the rest just stare, disbelief marring their expressions.
A boy a few years older than me speaks, cutting through the uneasy silence that hangs down upon us.
“Oh it’s Heston! Haven’t seen you in a while,” Malcolm proclaims, keeping his tone civil, trying to bring it up to jolly. It was obvious that they were discussing something I rather not be listening to before I entered the dining hall.
Malcolm Saltminer was one of the few in the group of trainees that I was familiar with and would say hi to if I ever saw him in the corridor. He was nice. To everyone. Smiled at every person he saw. He mainly wanted to keep the peace he told me once. He hated when someone had conflict with him. He had a childish bright face, curly brown hair and soft blue eyes. Like most of us he was not a local child. However, unlike most of us he was not even from this continent. He hardly ever talked about himself though, he much prefer knowing how you were doing. He trained on the viola.
I nod to him and then sit down silently trying to ignore everyone. I take the nearest bowl of porridge and pick up my spoon and start eating.
After a tiny bit of commotion and a lot more nudging, Malcolm comes over to me and sits across from me, the rest of the group watching eagerly awaiting confrontation.
“Hello … well… we…” he begins and looks around at everyone as if asking for help. They look back at him encouragingly but offer no words of advice. “We thought you wouldn’t come back,” he says.
Come back from what?
“Wouldn’t come back?” I ask slowly, as if pondering. “Wouldn’t come back from what?”
“Well, you… Look, you disappeared for a few days,” he says, looking at me questioningly.
“Disappeared?” I ask him, slowly repeating the word. As if I was not familiar with such a term. “Where did I go?”
Someone from the crowd shouts, “what did you do to Mikail?”
I look up to see who it was, but I couldn’t tell from all the faces. Really though all of them have always looked the same to me. The same big blur.
“What does he mean?” I ask Malcolm.
“Well, okay. Don't get mad okay? But you disappeared and so did Mikail. So some people were wondering if... you know...”
They think I would do something to him? Why would they even think that? All I wanted is to eat. I am hungry. This confrontation was stopping me from enjoying my porridge.
“Well, where did we go?” I respond.
“What?” He says, now looking confused.
“You all seem to know more about this disappearance than me, where did we go?” I spit out.
“Well, you were certainly not here… right?” he chuckles trying to make the whole thing a huge joke. We are all friends here, no need to be upset. No need to be angry. A few other members chuckled in comradery.
“So where were you then? What did you do to Mikail? Tell us!”
I don’t know who was speaking, but the other members were trying to shush him. It didn’t even matter. The voice might be just one in the crowd, but he was still the whole crowd speaking all the same.
I look up at Malcolm, who is still looking at me, hesitant, the same questions in his eyes.
“What is everyone saying?”
Malcolm looks back at his friends. No response from them.
“Tell me,” I say, taking another bite out of my porridge.
“Well, with Mr. Mortimer in his coma, Mikail and you gone, well, a bunch of people were saying that you must have been the one to push Mr. Mortimer down the stairs and then you ran away and did something to Mikail… or something,” he stammered nervously.
“What? Mortimer? What’s happened to him?”
“I…” he says, looking at me, searching my eyes for answers. I have none to give. “So, you really don’t know do you? He is in a coma. Hasn’t been out of his room since the day of the concert. Everyone heard you being yelled at back stage, Mikail had to go and stop him from tearing you apart.”
I glance down at my elbow. I still feel a faint tingle. The memory of a pain once there.
“Mikail… stopped him from… what? Who told you that?”
He looks back at the crowd unable to say anything.
“Who said that?”
“I don’t know okay, it’s what we all thought.”
“Where were you!?” That same accusing voice from the crowd.
I ignore it and go back to eating my porridge. What happened while I was out? Mortimer and Mikail? Mikail was not one to disappear though. Did the disappearance have to do with my violin?
“Look, just answer the question okay, and then I’m sure everything will be alright.”
“Alright?”
“Just tell us, where you disappeared to, please, I don’t like this anymore than you.”
I felt like screaming. Alright? Was everything alright?
“I was not anywhere.” I reply coldly. “I was in my room. Ill.”
“He couldn’t have just been in his room!” The voice in the crowd yelled.
“Did any of you check?” I ask. The question was not loud. But it was not inaudible. The murmuring of the crowd stopped. I look up at the crowd, and asked the question again much louder. “Did any of you even bother to check my room to see if I was there?”
I do not know if it was the fever getting to me, but it seems as though a few people in the crowd had sheepish apologetic faces. Some were confused. Whispers of “he’s lying… someone must have looked in there… did you? No, someone must have, he must be lying, there’s no way he was there for three days straight and nobody knew. Yeah, but did you look?”
I knew I did not have any friends. Not in this lot. That came to no surprise. But the fact that nobody even bothered to look for me...
It should not have surprised me.
But I was feeling something I didn't understand. I don’t know what this feeling was. I couldn’t quite put out the word for it. I could not name the ache that was slowly growing. A hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach.
Looks like I still am not feeling better after all.
I began to laugh.
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